To wish that people were not so obsessed with how often my baby feeds and sleeps?

[jaggythistle]

I am getting just a tiny bit fed up with people my MIL asking whether my 3 and a bit month old son is a 'good' baby, how many times does he wake up at night, how often do i feed him etc etc.

As I hinted, my MIL is the worst for this and has been questioning us (especially about bf him) from the start.

"How do you know how much milk he is getting?" I restrained myself from saying anything grumpy about how you don't need to know, he just F&*%ing takes what he needs!

What is a good baby?? A very popular question, along with " is he sleeping for you?"

She actually asked " Do you feed him at night?" I wasn't aware I could just decide not to bother...

I know a lot of it is just people not knowing what to say and wittering, but others seem to think he'd sleep longer if only I gave him a bottle/let him cry a bit/picked him up less often etc.

Am I being unreasonable to get a wee bit grumpy - he is happy and so am I, will that not do?

I am in no way forcing any routine on him, this seems to confuse people. He is gradually getting his own wee patterns. which is ok for me.

"This time around, I just fix people with a steely glare and say "What would a baby have to do to be bad?" They generally look confused. "

They look confused because they probably don't expect their innocuous and essentially meaningless small talk to be met with such hostility, not because you've amazed them with your incisive question.

People are "obsessed" with your baby's sleeping and feeding because that is all babies of that age do. They're just trying to be nice and talk to you about the things you are likely to find occupying most of your time.

She probably is just trying to express an interest, and may stem from the era when one was meant to feed four hourly only and breast feeding was frowned upon.

Having said that, the term "good baby" gets my goat a little, and I wish I had the nerve to reply something like "Yes, I'm just working on his tendency to inject crack,but other than that he's great."

there'ssomethingabout - me too, maybe that's why I'm so grumpy about this. I tried writing down feed and sleep times after a few weeks and I have no idea why - must have been to answer people's flippin questions.

Thanks for all the suggestions, I am going to confidently tell people I have no idea as we're not counting, but don't worry, we're all quite happy.

I don't find these questions that irritating. Such questions used to give me the chance to have a massive rant on how bloody knackered I was.

I totally second Skidoodle's post too.

Trixie - It's usually 'Are you feeding him yourself?' that people here seem to say.

I guess the word breast is somewhat frowned upon in some circles.

could say, "no i hand him to a wet nurse"

she is just interested in your baby and her way of showing it is asking obvious questions. don't take offence, she doesn't mean any harm.

The problem is that there's really not much you can say about a 3 month old, is there? I mean, they are lovely, but they aren't exactly doing much at that point. So once you've said 'oh, what a cutie, aren't you gorgeous?', the conversation tends to lag, and you're back to 'so, how's he sleeping?'

exactly. DH feels this way about babies, he says they are boring until they start talking!lol They just lie there and sleep,poop, pee and drink milk. He finds DS more fascinating now than he did when he was a newborn.

The newborn stage is awkward for people to talk about, the conversation will get limited. we've all been there. Just smile and humour your MIL, she just wants to show an interest and like anyone, she will probably wonder what to say next. It's not easy for people. Before I had DC, I also wondered what to say to people who had small babies, it can be very awkward after the initial 'what a cutie!' line, not everyone knows what to say.

Jaggythistle, I could have written your post!Fanjolina hit it on the head when she mentions veiled criticisim, because that's what it sounds like when it's never balanced with any positives; and always the same questions repeated every visit for months on end, even after explanation. I'm convinced my PIL think breastfeeding is akin to voodoo witchcraft.

You just know they're going to spend the next few months saying to each other in the car on the way home, "She's starving that baby you know", when they see no evidence of baby rice.

Then, as DC enthusiastically stuffs pasta in his mouth you get to gleefully explain that no, gagging is noisy, choking is silent, as MIL screeches like the lady in the Catherine Tate sketch at every mouthful.

Now at a year, the mantra is, "Those teeth will pinch when they come through", and I swear the next time I'm going to retort that MIL must give terribe blow jobs if she still uses her teeth.

...and breathe
p.s. YANBU!