Why is it so _hard_?

[shandybass]

Hi Mumsnetters
I've just spent another weekend doing jobs, arguing with my DH and looking after the kids.
I talk to others and they almost always are worse off than me. I've got one baby 9 mths and another toddler of 3, a lovely dh who does his fair share, family around to support and enough money not to have to stress about it ...so why is it soo hard?

I'm pretty sure I don't have PND, but its just hard, how do you do more than just survive??

Assuming you are in UK, do you think the weather may have something to do with your feelings of jadedness? I've been desperate to use that word since DD told me she was feeling jaded

I think your right Kreecher.

I fed with this weather. Not being able to get out also have a 9mth old, 2yr old and a 5yr old. I can't push the buggy, can't carry ds or trust dd2 to walk any where with falling over.

i am going stir-crazy here too !

Yes you are probably right.

Although I can get out since a few days, my dh works with power and has been doing double shifts and emergency calls since before Christmas.

At one point I was thinking, this is nice, more time at home to sort out things and get organised, but of course with the two dc's that hasn't happened, to any great degree, and now I'm frustrated and tired.

shandy - I feel your pain. I had this feeling a lot (especially in the Winter) when my 2 DCs were younger. It's like you're not enjoying the time with your kids because you're so tired, not feeling like you are achieving anything etc.

God knows how people with other challenges cope.

Does your older one go to playgroup or nursery ? I found that a lifeline.

I also, when I was really down, had my DS2 (then 9 months) go to a childminder 1 afternoon a week, while my DS1 (the 3 and a bit) was a playgroup. It gave me some valuable breathing space. I felt very guilty about finding it so difficult to cope, but a baby and a toddler together are very hard work.

Make sure you see other people as much as you can, as well, so you don't feel isolated.

Oh thanks.
Yes the playgroup is a lifeline but its been closed due to the weather but I've just heard it will re-open tomorrow! Yipee.

I'm going back to work part time in a few weeks and my Mum and MIL are watching over the dc's then. I'm a bit scared of managing to cope with that but also looking forward to the change of scene.

That's given me a thought tho' to maybe suggest a few trial runs childminding with them which will give me a break. Just have to think of somewhere to go now!

You need a project. Creative preferably.

I always felt like this when I wasn't working on something that was 'my project'. Children are a project of course but you'll never know if you're getting anywhere with that, and the progression isn't obvious enough to give job satisfaction.

My projects were usually craft based. Something creative with so no-brainer activity. Mosaic or sewing does it for me as it's easy to see progress and a completed article.

Sometime it's fitness that is my project so I diligently stick to programmes that I can chart some progress on. Although that's more difficult without a creche or childcare.

The craft projects are easier to do once the children have gone to bed. Just make sure you don't set yourself a huge project as that can be equally as demotivating. (as having children )

You are so right, nevergoogle.

I was a SAHM, and parenting is such a longterm "project", you need some short-term achievements. Hopefully working will do that for you, OP (as well as the money !).

I used to make my own greetings cards (nothing flash, but I resent paying £2.99 for a piece of card someone else has stuck a few sequins on.

"You are so right, nevergoogle"

wow! that doesn't happen very often.

Want me to start a "who's your favourite MNer" thread just to butter you up a bit more ?

pardon the pun

No, that's enough for me.

I don't make it to those lists and it's too depressing.

Thanks for the offer though.