Would you find this weird or am I being precious?

[BratleyBackToNormal]

I have a friend who doesn't have kids. She has been trying for a long time, believes she can't have a baby even though Drs have told her there's no reason she can't.
I lost touch with her for a few years but moved back to the area last year and we've been very good friends since.

She loves my DS and he's quite taken with her too and even calls her Aunty X.
She's made a few comments lately that have made me a bit but tonight made me feel a bit more and I just wanted to know if you think she's out of line or if I'm thinking too much about it!

She's always said she loves DS and 'treats him like her own'
She says things like 'Oh you love me so much don't you!?' to DS
Since christmas when she visited family she's told me 7times that 'people probably think he's mine the way I talk about him all the time!'
Today she was sat on the sofa, DS was sat on her lap and he went to dip a biscuit in her tea, I told him not to and she said 'No its Mummy's tea... and Aunty X's'
She's just been round to my house and as she was leaving she said 'I'll come round before (DS) he has a nap tomorrow so I can see him. People would think he was mine the way I go on about him! Seriously, one day I'm going to kidnap him!'
When she saw I was a bit she said 'I'd bring him back by the end of the day though, he'd drive me mad!'

She's a really good friend and we get on very well, but the little comments about my DS like he's hers make me feel weird.
Would you? Or am I looking too much into it?

Well said EcoMouse

the "you love me so much thing" had my ears pricking up.

Excellent post ecomouse!

Agree with ecomouse. I can't see anything in your OP that justifies you being called nasty by mamaG either . I feel very sorry for your friend but that sort of thing would make me feel uncomfortable too.

I can understand why you feel abit , personally i don't think you need to worry about it. I think the only time i would worry was if she started to refer to herself as his mummy.

I don't think you should say anything you her as i think it would be one of those things that your relationahip wouldn't be able to get over.

I don't think YABU to feel uncomfortable with this and I don't think it sounds entirely healthy.

I pretty much agree with ecomouse's excellent post. If I were you I don't think I would be too indulgent of this sort of thing whilst remaining as kind and understanding as possible.

It must be hard for your friend but it is not for you or your son to emotional prop up your friend in any way that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Not an easy one.

YANBU

I have been in a similar situation but on the other side. When we were much younger my bf had two dcs (my godchildren) and I was a single career girl with no partner let alone babies in sight. At the time I thought I loved them like they were my own, since having my own I see that simply wasn't the case. In my case however, my friend relied heavily on me and I was effctively a coparent for several years both financially and emotionally as her marriage broke down. It put a huge strain on our friendship and on my relationship with the dcs and in the end I had to break off all contact. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. Recently we have been in touch and re-established a much more balanced adult relationship based on our friendship rather than her need for support. The dcs are grown up now and have been very accepting.

My advice would be draw the line and pull her up when she says these things that make you uncomfortable. I'm sure her comments are well intentioned but I don't think this is a healthy situation for her at all. I would cool things a bit for a while.

She does sound OTT, but equally you sound oversensitive and over-thinking things. If she's a good friend then I'd leave it be.

It is rather full on but understandable. I would be a little if someone were doing this with any of my dcs but she obviously needs a child in her life. Try not to puff out your chest and compete, if you can...I think I would , because you're his Mummy and so you've already won.

'Particularly concerning is her saying 'Oh you love me so much don't you!?' to your DS, if she's doing so repeatedly. It infers an unhealthy emotional reliance upon him, a need for his affirmation.'

I really wouldn't worry-DCs don't like this sort of thing-I don't know his age but most DSs would start to avoid as they get older. It sounds sad-just be generous.

YANBU.

I would cool things off a bit, before stuff escalates and causes you to lose your friendship. Mothers (at least the ones I know) don't even do that "you love me so much, don't you" stuff, never mind friends. That is weird.

A friend of mine has had a similar situation with her now 9 yr old, who used to go and sleep at "Aunty's" house once a week (until "Uncle" said he wasn't happy with the closeness of the relationship) What happened was that the child started playing off Mum (who imposed rules/limits/said no etc with Aunty who didn't, and it all got horrid for a while.

It´s the "people must thing he´s mine" that made me

Why would anyone think that unless she leads them to?

And I agree, to ask someone elses child if they love you?

YANBU, I agree with Ecomouse's post. I've been in a similarish situation, and I chose to bite my tongue as I didn't see the family member in question that often.

Whatever you say to her is going to have to be very gentle indeed, as this does sound like she's reacting to her grief.

In summary, your feelings are NU, but I would tread very, very carefully with this one and avoid a confrontation if possible.

I think it's that she keeps sayong the same slightly odd things over and over. Ecomouse wa right, it could end up being very unhealthy for your DS. Even if he is too young atm to really understand, it won't be long.

Whist you can be sensitive to her situation, you need to consider your own too.

She is obviously very insecure and sounds like she needs approval, but it would make me feel rather edgy tbh. The mre you can possibly see her when he is not there the better. Even if it means he is only in bed. You will need to be strong though, and being strong doesn't mean being nasty.

ometimes when I am out with my sister, she likes to take over (needs a lot of attention she does) and I know in the past people have thought my DS was hers, but I thought it funny as it is her insecurities, not mine (she has 2 children herself) plus we don't live in each others pockets so he doesn't see her that much!

Think of your son though and how you would feel if she carries on saying those things as he gets older and any implications it may have. the longer it goes on the harder it will be to approach it as you've sort of said it's acceptable.

sorry for all the Sp mistakes I swear my laptop just does what it wants!

On the whole I don't think YABU. It took me a long time to conceive - but not once did I think about "appropriating" another woman's child or acting quite frankly, so fucking bizarrely! It would make me feel very uncomfortable if I were to find myself in such a situation once my child is born.

YABU, i was this way about my nephew (then I had my own DC and chilled a bit!), its harmless so cut her some slack. Its lovley for DC to be loved by people !!!

Well i wouldn't like it, would find it very overpowering. my Auntie has a friend like this, she is hideous though, (friend not auntie) but likes to be the most important person. There is loving someone and NEEDING to be loved though, in an extreme ish way.

Thanks for all your messages, they've really made me think about things a lot more.

The comment that bothered me the most was the 'Its mummy's tea... and aunty X's'
It came across as if she was referring to herself as Mummy as my tea wasn't anywhere near, nothing to do with the biscuit dipping!
When added to the other comments she's made it just threw me a bit.

Thanks ecomouse for your very well worded reply!
DS is 36months but very perceptive and has, on occasions, tried playing me off against 'Aunty X'!

We're very open and honest with each other and I think if I did say something (worded very carefully) she would be sorry she'd made me feel uncomfortable, and tone the comments down.
I still think she's just a bit overpowering and not crazy!

I do understand that she is probably grieving for what she hasn't got, and I do believe she loves DS and cares a lot about him, I just don't like hearing someone talk about my son that way!

Thanks again for all of your replies, I'll read them all again and think a lot about them before I do say anything to her.
Its nice to have so many different opinions and to be able to see different perspectives before I open my mouth!