I was at my parents over the weekend and my mum's situation seems to have got even worse.
She works long hours at a really stressful job (ward manager of a mental health ward), and her mum and dad live in a granny flat in her house. 3 nights a week she puts her Dad to bed (the other nights, two carers do it, but still nearly always need some kind of instruction from my mum) and all day and night she has to be "on call" for both her parents. Her Dad (my Grandad, obv) has severe dementia, is doubly incontinent (has a catheter and pads) and uses a wheelchair. Her mum (my nana) is, on paper, fine, but is very high maintenance, constantly worrying about everything, forgetting how to operate her tv, oven, phone and so on.
My Dad is unemployed (he was a self employed builder, but no work these days. He won't sign on as he says there is no point as my mum earns too much for him to get any money) and cooks tea. That is it. He might have a half hearted tidy about, but usually his cans (he drinks about four cans of lager every night before bed) are still there the following day when mum gets home from work. He won't even go and chat to his ILs, except to ask them if they need anything from the shop or whatever.
My 16 yo sister is your basic lazy teenager. I can't really criticise as I was probably just as bad.
My mum even sorts out all the bills and so on. My dad will quite proudly tell me he doesn't even know how much the mortgage is.
Up until now, I have always made excuses for him, saying he just has a different idea of tidy or that he is shy, but this visit I started getting wound up.
Is there anything I can do to help my mum? She does it all, then it all builds up every couple of months and she gets upset.
My Dad has said he doubts he will ever be back in work now (he is in his mid fifties and has a bad back) but has no pension or savings, as he says my mum is his pension.