to just want to stop

[WidowWadman]

My daughter is coming up to 13 months. She spent virtually all night on the boob and keeps constantly asking today. I'm tired. My norks hurt. It can't be a food thing, as she's happily munching solids, too. I'm happy to give her as much cuddles as she wants, but no, it's not enough.

I never planned to go longer than a few weeks, never thought I could. Now I'm here a year later, deflated, tired and unable to get her to stop.

Whenever I try to refuse there are major tantrums so I eventually give in. I know she can cope without milk, because she's got no problems going full days without when I'm at work.

I don't get how people can harp on about the beauty of the nursing relationship, when it's just one-sided and exhausting.

I want my body back to myself.

I'm trying to just give her solids instead or a drink (out of a cup, she hasn't taken bottles since she was 5 months old and I don't see the point in trying to introduce them again in her age).

I think it's tiredness at the moment, and try to offer her cuddles and her dummy, which gets promptly spat out while reaching for my boob and twisting and winding in my arms

If you're feeling resentment, it's time to stop. She will be aware of this and it may well be causing her increased need for you. Never-ending circle (and I do empathise, having been there, x4!).

It's ok to stop, it's ok to put your foot down, it's ok to replace boob with bottle so she does not feel she has been left high and dry - she will find the suckling action comforting rather than going cold turkey.

You have done amazingly well and I can totally relate to wanting your body back!

This cold weather might be your ally at the moment WW - wear lots of layers, all well tucked in, so that it becomes physically near impossible for her to get at your norks.

Agreed - you need to stick to your guns. And it will be hell on earth for a couple of days but a)she won't remember after a while and b)long term it will do her no harm. Just be prepared - think in advance of distraction techniques and get your head around the fact it will be hell, but that it will pass.

My mum stopped bfing me when I bit her! yikes!

I know exactly how you feel. About wanting your body back, frustrated at being a virtual cafeteria 24/7... maybe try increasing solids, giving dd a mixture of breastmilk and formula and lots & lots of cuddles. It's the closeness as much as the nourishment.

YANBU. Your dd can, quite happily do without a BF if the whole business now leaves you oppressed. I'd weigh up whether the tantrums are more manageable than the way you feel right now and act accordingly. Sure, your dd is going to be unimpressed to lose the boob but you are mightily unimpressed yourself at the moment and I'm sure that, in the greater scheme of things, everyone will soon benefit from you feeling better.

At 18 months old I recall ds1 getting himself almost addicted to juice in a little teated bottle which, sucked down in prodigious quantities, made him increasingly hyper,in constant need of changing and generally horrid. After an appalling day in London, during which dd2 (3 months) and everyone else enjoyed exhibitions at the Tate, lunch, tea, walks along the Embankmemt etc.,I threw the sodding bottle away at Victoria! The initial howling and roaring was nothing compared to my exasperation. DS1 benefited no end too.

oooh, and another thing - it's not too early to start a little discipline, I think. As in not letting your dd get her way all the time.

I know exactly how you feel. I breastfed my son until he was about 18 months old, I kept trying to stop but he couldn't even sleep without being on the boob. When I found out I was expecting baby number 2, I knew I had to stop. I was miserable, DS wasn't sleeping, and I knew it was time to knock it on the head. In the end, I just stopped. I distracted him when he wanted to feed, and at night just had to point blank refuse. It took a while, and a few tears on both of our behalves, but things are so much better now.
It's a shame really, because I did enjoy breastfeeding him, but I'm so scared about going through the same thing again that I have vowed only to breastfeed this baby for a few weeks (that's if she EVER arrives, am now at 41 weeks!) so as not to get into the same situation.

Well done for bfing for so long, especially combining it with work.

Of course if you are resenting bfing now you should stop.

You sound very tired - can someone help you so you can get a rest?

Can someone take your dd for a couple of nights to break the cycle of constant feeding?

Also it's worth remembering that she's getting to the age when tantrums are a normal part of development - stopping bfing may not stop the tantrums.

Of course YANBU.
I bfed both of mine for a year & it was enough for me.

But I was lucky that by then they were only really having a drink after meals and a feed before bed time.

I just replaced each one with cowsmilk/water.

She might be teething and using you for comfort?

try moving away when she reaches for you and giving her a toy/distracting her instead, see if that works?

Mine was the same but wasn't happily eating solids or having bottles so I carried on and managed to get her off when she was 2 years. It took a lot of energy to keep saying no but it was worth it in the end and now (she's 3.5 now) she's just as happy with cuddles and putting her cheek against them etc. i think some babies just fully embrace the boob!
I'd start with night at first. I decided on a night to start it to try and get the energy to build up to it because it is easier in a way just to get them in with you to keep them quiet, but you don't really get solid sleep. But just keep refusing and she'll get the message in the end. My dd was pretty angry and upset about it and I felt totally guitly and drained but actually it helped her sleep through and she become better tempered generally for having full sleep. Good luck.

Thanks for all your replies. My husband is doing his best to help distract her, and she's fine when I'm not around. Just when she knows I'm there it's difficult.

I'm trying to set boundaries, especially as she's becoming very rough, pinching, biting and scratching during feeds (I always pull her off and tell her to stop when she does, cue more tears), but it's not easy.

I will have a break in a week's time as I'm going to be away with work over night for the first time. I know she'll cope fine just with her dad, so really look forward to it. But a tiny part of me would be more relaxed if I experienced her coping without boob myself.

Re Formula, we started offering her full fat cows milk from her first birthday on, but she isn't bothered. She never really drank much EBM in nursery either but just preferred to wait for me, so I stopped expressing after a month. She can drink well out of a cup but prefers water or fennel tea over milk.