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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dad should have taken dds picture?

26 replies

ilovetochat · 07/01/2010 21:08

dd is 2.6 and has painted some peppa pig posters and when my dad visited today she gave him a picture and said for you grandad. he said no thanks i'l leave it here i dont want that on my fridge what is it?
aibu to think he should have took it, said thanks and then binned it if he hated it that much?
or is it really too much to expect a grandad to have his only granddaughters picture off her?

OP posts:
LetThereBeRock · 07/01/2010 21:10

YADNBU. How mean.

NewnameSameoldme · 07/01/2010 21:10

He needs a good talking to.

NewnameSameoldme · 07/01/2010 21:11

Maybe he thought he was being funny and doesn't realise that a 2.6 yo wouldnt get irony?
Needs a talking to either way...

Hulababy · 07/01/2010 21:11

Aw, your poor DD.

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours · 07/01/2010 21:11

Thats not very nice of him. Is that his usual sort of behaviour?

midnightexpress · 07/01/2010 21:17

I would normally agree that that is mean. However, I have a rather sad cautionary tale to tell. When ds1 (my parents' first grandchild was born) my parents came to visit (they live quite a long way away). They were staying with my aunt and on the first day my mum came and my dad didn't, because he had a cold and felt lousy. I was a bit put out. Then when he did come, he was very aloof and didn't really pay much attention to ds1. I was even more put out.

A couple of months later, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was dead by the time ds1 was 5 months old. I think he knew he was ill.

So, while I am not for a minute suggesting that your dad has a terminal illness, make sure there's not something bothering him before you have a go.

If it turns out he's just being a misery, YANBU

Original poster
ilovetochat · 07/01/2010 21:18

tbh yes its normal for him, he brought her some chocolates today and gave them to her, they were whole hazelnut chocs and liquers and i had to be the baddy and take them away.
he drew her a spider and when she ran off he drew a witch.
he did a jigsaw with dd and she was sorting the pieces into big and small and she said thats a big piece and he said really i wouldnt have known thats a big piece thanks for educating me.
he says there is no point worrying about ehr education (not that we are she is 2) as girls only waste their time getting pregnant.
he told me his new girlfriend is skinny and her legs are half the thickness of mine, a comparison was not really necessary.
he heard dd say yoyyipop as she cant say l and he kept saying to her l l l l l do you know she cant say l, she cant say l etc.
and he asks my opinion about his new girlfriend about her staying over and i dont want to know and i dont agree with him as he wants to control her but i dont want to argue.
why is he like this?

OP posts:
IPlayBanjoOnMyFanjo · 07/01/2010 21:20

what a meanie

nannynobnobs · 07/01/2010 21:30

Sounds like a real charmer. Tactfully limit having him round or you'll end up pasting him in the chops!

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours · 07/01/2010 21:36

Sounds lovely. She'll get used to her grandad, better sooner rather than later I guess.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 07/01/2010 22:01

I wouldn't be spending a second of my time with him. He sounds an absolute idiot and he is being nasty to your child. Don't expose her to it. Why would you?

cheesesarnie · 07/01/2010 22:04

yanbu.how did your dd react?

RumourOfAHurricane · 07/01/2010 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bluesheep · 07/01/2010 22:18

Your dad is acting like a bit of a knob. Sorry (feels wrong slagging off your dad!), but that's a horrible way to treat a child!

I thought my dad was pretty crap - he doesn't see the point in holding any child until they can actually 'do something' apparently - but I don't think he'd be out and out rude to my kids.

Coldhands · 08/01/2010 09:24

What an awful attitude to have!! Your poor DD. My brother bought my dad a little ship in a bottle from a jumble sale when he was 5, he is now 20 and my dad still has it in his room. He really treasures things like that, as I thought any grandad would. Being sarcastic to a 2 year old, saying about education etc is downright wrong! Pull him up on it everytime he says something like this, have an answer ready and it may shut him up in the end.

ajandjjmum · 08/01/2010 09:28

Was he like that with you as a child?

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 08/01/2010 09:30

He's a nasty, stupid person.

I once made a photo frame and asked my grandad for a picture. He found me a photo but when I wanted to put it in my frame he said 'oh no we can find a better one' and put the picture in an old boring frame. I was soooo upset. Likewise an uncle who did colouring with me (under sufferance) and I suggested we mark each others' out of ten - he gave me -50/10. When someone explained it to me I was really really hurt. You can see how young I must have been but these things both stuck with me as making me feel really bad and embarassed. These weren't bad men, just not good with young children. However your dad sounds like he has a toxic attitude. I wouldn't want a man who believed that about girls near my growing DD.

liahgenisuptheduff · 08/01/2010 09:31

how old is he?

brimfull · 08/01/2010 09:34

was he like that with you?

Coldhands · 08/01/2010 09:37

Kat, I don't think attacking the OPs dad is quite the way to go. Obviously he has a bad attitude but calling him names is not helpful unless it is actually your dad.

Did you mean 5/10? I thought 50/10 meant it was really really good.

Thats sad that these things stuck with you though. I have a few things said to me by men that have stuck with me throughout my life. In some cases (not this post though) I think men just don't 'get' how to be with children, particularly the older generation where they didn't do so much hands on stuff with their children.

pigletmania · 08/01/2010 09:39

YANBU at all how nasty and cruel, if he really did not like it he should have smiled sweetly said thats lovely took it and then throw it away..

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 08/01/2010 09:39

Well it makes me angry.

No, minus 50/10. As in, my colouring was so bad, it was minus 50.

pigletmania · 08/01/2010 09:41

he sounds like a bundle of fun tbh said in irony though

Coldhands · 08/01/2010 09:43

Kat, MINUS 50/10, that really is cruel!! Why say that to a child!?

Original poster
ilovetochat · 08/01/2010 15:33

dd is oblivious to a lot of it, like when he said about the big jigsaw piece she just carried on playing. the chocolate bothered her most as she thought she was getting a treat and then she couldnt share them so i had to find her something. she actually runs to him when he visits once a week and said this week granddad i missed you when he came in so i think she genuinely likes him.

he has no experience with kids and did nothing to bring me up. so some things i know are cos he doesnt know what kids can do. he read her a story and was asking her what words said and couldnt understand why she couldnt read them aged 2. when she asked him for water he gave her a glass full of water which she poured everywhere and he just has no common sense.

but i hate the sarcasm like thanks for educating me. i hate the comparisons in my size compared to his new girlfriend. i hate that he thinks girls waste education.

as a child i would never ask him how to do soemthing as his answer always started with oh thats easy and it made me feel thick for asking. he also says oh sos and so are clever they have a degree like anyone without a degree is thick (like me)

what would be a short answer to shut him up without being rude infront of dd?

OP posts:
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