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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder when society lost its last shred of courtesy

17 replies

Fibilou · 07/01/2010 10:13

I am 38 weeks pregnant and even in a coat am quite obviously very heavily pregnant. There is thick snow where I live; I had to go to the laundrette this morning to dry the washing as we don't have a tumble drier and I can't put things out on the line in the snow. It takes too long to dry in the house.
The pavements are quite icy round here but there was a bit directly next to the buildings where there was no ice. I also had to get milk

So picture the scene, woman quite clearly 9 months pregnant struggling along in the snow with massive great basket of washing. Not one single person walked on the icy bit of the pavement so I could walk on the dry bit. Several people actually expected me to get out of their way so they could carry on walking on the dry bit.

I don't expect anyone to go in front of me and clear a path and wouldn't expect an elderly person to walk on the ice. But for ordinary, hale, hearty folk to expect a heavily pregnant woman with massive basket of heavy washing to walk on ice so they don't have to ?

What on earth has happened to the world ?

OP posts:

GibbonInARibbon · 07/01/2010 10:19

It beggars belief doesn't it.

pjmama · 07/01/2010 10:25

I once got myself lost in a subway (doh! sleep deprived baby brain etc) and found myself at the bottom of a massive flight of stairs, with a double buggy with 3 month old twins in it. It's amazing how many people just walked past without a glance as I tried to drag the buggy up the stairs - not one person offered to help and I was too embarrassed to ask. I cried all the way home!

I have to say though that there are plenty of lovely people around who do notice and give a damn, holding doors open etc. Not everyone is oblivious, although many are!

nancy75 · 07/01/2010 10:28

some people are just gits. i fell over yesterday in the snow (flat on my back) the only over person in the street looked over, laughed and carried on walking! luckily i was ok (apart from a sore bum today) had i been hurt i would probably still be there!

OrmIrian · 07/01/2010 10:28

So sorry

I don't think it's lack of courtesy. I think it's lack of seeing. People walk round in a bubble much of the time.

FanjoForTheMankySocks · 07/01/2010 10:29

i was struggling with heavy DD in buggy, was having to basically lift her over the snow so we could cross the road, and a man stopped and shouted to me "it's very difficult isn't it"..he was being nice, but I felt like saying "yes so please give me a hand"!!!

Original poster

Fibilou · 07/01/2010 10:31

OrmIrian, I do agree with you there. I often wonder if I am invisible. Sometimes, just to be bloody minded, I stop to see if the person walking towards me playing with their phone/Ipod/whatever has actually seen me. I have been walked into several times - and they don't even apologise.

OP posts:

ChilloHippi · 07/01/2010 10:32

It's just a case of people putting themselves first. Don't take it personally.

Original poster

Fibilou · 07/01/2010 10:38

That's precisely the problem, Chilli. People are now so selfish that they can't even extend a bit of common courtesy to someone who is a bit less able than themselves. And it seems to be OK, apparently

OP posts:

ChilloHippi · 07/01/2010 10:41

I wonder if it would have been different in the past, say 40 years ago. It does seem now that people have less courtesy towards pregnant ladies.

pippaNnippa · 07/01/2010 10:43

Not everywhere is like this- yesterday I took my DD in the pram to get grit from a few roads away to grit our courtyard which for us and our elderly neighbours- and whilst carrying a bucket and pushing the buggy 3 people offered to help me- I declined though as I wanted the excersize. I then returned to see our elderly neighbour shoveling the snow outside my house as he didn't want me to slip with the baby.

We then all worked to clear the courtyard together!

troutpout · 07/01/2010 10:44

Well..I'm guessing that most of them didn't realise you were pregnant. I sometimes don't notice heavily pregnant people untill i've seen them around a few times and then realise.Perhaps some of them were struggling too or had dodgy footing themselves.. could have been.

The rest were just bastards

bruffin · 07/01/2010 11:10

I don't necessarily think its the norm.

My MIL lives down in Dorset and has had lots of her neighbours drop by to see if she is ok.

Today I fell over on the ice this morning flat on my back and banged my head. 3 cars stopped to make sure I was okay.

cat64 · 07/01/2010 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MillyR · 07/01/2010 11:19

I really, really hate threads like this.

Yes, it was like this 40 years ago. DH's Gran has told me far worse stories- someone threw her pram off the back off one of those open buses so that they could get on the bus.

No, society has not got more selfish. Most people are lovely. I have had generally lovely experiences of being helped by other people in the rural area I live in, and in towns and cities. I am fairly unpleasant, severe and unapproachable in appearance so I doubt that I am getting extra help compared to other parents.

I am sorry that OP has had a bad experience. I am scared to walk on icy pavements; I cannot imagine how awful it is if you are pregnant.

But posters on MN are not somehow nicer or morally superior to the rest of society. It is that kind of arrogant thinking that seems to lead to the horrible altercations that happen in public places.

YouSaidWHAT · 07/01/2010 11:23

why dont people just ask for help if they need it??? people dont always notice if someone needs help, and sometimes when they do as like a previous poster said they decline because they dont want help. you cant alway win. if you want help ask, do you think anyone would say NO?

elvislives · 07/01/2010 11:43

Well Xmas week at Cabot Circus we were queuing for a table in a restaurant- me, DH and DD in a pushchair. A young couple behind us- man, woman and child in pushchair- said "excuse me" and came in to stand next to us. Next thing I knew they were sitting down and the waitress was bringing them a highchair. What did they think we were waiting for?

Same day, same place, waiting for a lift, with another couple with pram in front of us. Huge family arrived after us, with double buggy. Lift nearest us arrived- family in front didn't move and the man already in the lift closed the doors and carried on.

Next lift arrived and instead of waiting for us the family behind us all went to get in. When I jumped in front of her the girl with the buggy gave me such a dirty look. We had the last laugh- we'd pressed to go up, and when we got in we pressed for floor 3. One of their lot said they were going down and pressed one. The lift went up. Cue more dirty looks. Did they honestly expect us to wait while they took the lift, when we were there first? Yes they did.

This me first, me me me attitude is getting more and more prevalent in every sector of society, and it is very

somewhathorrified · 07/01/2010 12:03

I don't think people can win. If a child falls over in front of you next to a mother with full pram and hands full, do you help the child up and risk being screamed at by the mother? or walk on by and be ditched for being selfish? People don't know what's the right thing to do anymore, it's not their fault. I think if you need help you have to ask for it nowadays...sad but true.

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