Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

in wanting to slap dh around the head?

46 replies

issysmilkbottle · 06/01/2010 22:51

dh is doing my head in big time!

He can be an irrational worrier and has in the past had anxiety issues and a bit of a hyoochondriac...

We have a 6 week old dd.... For weeks now he's been mithering about having food or drink near her, people having germs, it being too hot or too cold, ds not holding her right etc...

We have a bt baby monitor and since realising her collic was due to over stimulation we/i have been putting her to sleep around 6/7pm (this issue was another thread!) and once she is down I have been using the monitor to listen to her and going and checking (at dh's insistence!), I'd be happy to check every 30-60 mins and monitor is v v good and we are in a small house with stairs in front room... Dh wants me to check every ten mins and when I do check on her and say she's ok, he always says 'how do you know?' arghhhhhhh

He is driving me nuts! Can I bash him? Aibu in thinking he's being neurotic and insulting my ability as a mother? I've just told him he's insinuating I can't look after her and he denies it!

OP posts:

truoddsox · 07/01/2010 22:19

i got a tommee tippee one at argos for £54, it's great, picks up the quietest sounds and bleeps when it senses no movement for 10 secs.congrats btw

lilacclaire · 07/01/2010 22:37

£71.99 and £69.99

lilacclaire · 07/01/2010 22:38

Oh and yanbu.

Doozle · 07/01/2010 22:39

You know something, we had those monitors when DD was in SCBU and I don't necessarily think they're that great for people with anxiety.

They did go off for no reason sometimes sending us into a terrible panic.

Your DH's anxiety clearly has resurfaced with the arrival of your DD. If it doesn't ease in the next couple of weeks, could you suggest he tries to address it? Did he ever get treatment for it last time?

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/01/2010 22:43

Also, and I speak as someone who did all the night wakeups for the same reason, your DH will only suss the right way to get her back to sleep if he actually does it. Regularly. There will be crying a few times. It won't kill anyone. It will get better.

You are exhausted. His insistence that you check her or he will poke her awake is totally unreasonable. On top of you doing all the wakeups and him needing a lie-in, it's just too much to ask of you.

The anxiety gets better as they get older. It's more that he thinks it's okay to get you to do all the legwork that concerns me.

cheesefarmer · 07/01/2010 22:44

we have the tommee tippee one and I can't recommend it enough. It has gone off a few times but when I have checked (run up the stairs in a panic) he has been wedged down the bottom of his cot and is therefore off the sensor pad. Anyway, it stops the urge to check all the time for us!

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/01/2010 22:44

Oh, hey, and I just realised this isn't your first child either! Was he like this with DS?

Original poster

issysmilkbottle · 08/01/2010 05:53

thanks.... last time he was really ill at the start was before we were together but I met him and helped him come through with cbt techniques, he's a Bugger for not going to gp so I have to almost force him to use his relaxation cd... Its about time to use again,... His Mum wouldn't help I'm afraid, she is as bad as him! (irish close knit family which is lovely btw)....

Not his first dc, he has a 14 year dd who he admitted he over protected, I'm the one who encourages her to be independent now although dh is slowly improving - I told him while pg I wouldn't' let him do that this time and he agreed that I need to stop it... Ds is mine and ge's known since 6/7 only and is 11 next july ....

OP posts:

Original poster

issysmilkbottle · 12/01/2010 23:47

Arghhh he's at it again!

Been stuck in with dd since last tuesday because of weather, much better today so thought good time to take dd to clinic to be weighed... Apparently I put her at risk doing so! And apparently I make all decisions but he couldnt give examples!

How do I get him to stop this!

OP posts:

claw3 · 12/01/2010 23:52

sellotape his mouth or if really angry use staples.

mummysgoingmad · 13/01/2010 00:02

ask him what decisions would he like to be a part of, i bet he cant think of 1!

are you sure he wasnt the one in labour?

robie · 13/01/2010 00:02

Congratulations and YANBU!! Get him to check every 10 mins and he will soon get sick of it. tell him you don't trust yourself and he had better do it for fear you might make a mistake.

also a clip around the ear every now and then is required for annoying DH'S.

But seriously though, maybe you should suggest he talk to a counsellor. He is driving you nuts but having irrational fears like that - he must be in a constant state of anxiety.

Original poster

issysmilkbottle · 13/01/2010 00:06

interesting comment re labour... He was v stressed and I had an emcs but he couldn't come in with me as he was worried he'd have a panic attack so I did that alone....

He was also so tired after he couldn't come in until 5pm on the tuesday after my emcs on sunday in hospital... Bless him... Arghhh

OP posts:

Original poster

issysmilkbottle · 13/01/2010 00:08

oh he was in on the monday btw but it drained him so much....

OP posts:

carrieboo75 · 13/01/2010 00:29

You gave him the warning before you had dd, so I would reffer him back to that. Also tell him that as his anxiety is higher than it should be he is therefore not not pulling his weight (i.e. not being therefore you in hosp and staying in bed each morning). Let him know that you want him more involved, more hands on etc and that you would like him to be therefore for you but you have been worried about letting him know this. Explain that you would like him to see the doctor to ask about some more meds while dd is little as her vulnerability seems to be scareing him and that is upseting to watch.

What I am getting at is wrap everything up with love and care and that you know he is doing his best etc. etc. but that you both agreed before birth that things would be done differently and yet it is going down that route again. Explain how much more he would enjoy the experience if his anxiety levels were lower.

I know it is at complete odds with what you are feeling right now but it sounds like he might respond better to firm cajoling (sp?) rather than sarcsm (though very tempting ), an argument etc.

Original poster

issysmilkbottle · 13/01/2010 00:43

he won't admit there's a problem and definitely won't go to the doctors... Its all me apparently, 'he's doing nothing wrong'....

His snoring has just woke dd so I've Bf her but each time she is settling his bloody snoring wakes her! I poke him etc but he says o'm being a bitch! Arghhh! Again he doesn't think there's a problem and so won't doing anything about it!

OP posts:

Original poster

issysmilkbottle · 13/01/2010 06:37

all bloody night his snoring has woken dd... She's had a max of one hour at a time! I've poked and pushed so many times and he's now stormed off downstairs, making loads of noise and slaming the door saying I've crossed the line now....

Arghhh bloody dh! I'm glad he's gone out of the room just wish he'd had the decency to di decency to do it earlier but later he 'll have a

OP posts:

Original poster

issysmilkbottle · 13/01/2010 06:39

sorry... Typing one handed on phone...

decency to dp it earlier, later he'll have a right go at me and of course he'll have done nothing wrong and refuse to get it sorted!

OP posts:

Original poster

issysmilkbottle · 14/01/2010 07:44

well last nigh dh decided to sleep downstairs cause of his snoring - great! But....

I went to bed half eleven, dd was up 1:45-4:30 and at one point was sick, too much milk taken in, anyway she went off tp sleep nicely, then at about half six dh came in and woke me up telling me to check on dd I said no, she's fine, shes asleep and only went down at half four 2 feet from me... He told me I should so I said do I need to set my alarm every ten mins in night to check? He called me a nasty piece of work so I said fuck off and he stormed out - Arghhh
he told me I w

OP posts:

helpYOUiWILL · 14/01/2010 12:57

sorry but i think he is being an arse. That wont be liked on this thread but he is. I suffered with extreme anxiety after the birth of ds1 and was completely obsessed with him but i never projected my stress onto my husband. I basically gave myself a "kick up the backside" and realised what i was doing and how harmful i was becoming with my OTT behaviour.

Think he needs a shock to see how ridiculas he is becoming.

Original poster

issysmilkbottle · 14/01/2010 16:51

he eventually apologised but not until lunchtime and after he tried to get me to apologise... I told him his anxiety is ruining things and I won't put up with it... Fingers crossed!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2