Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not apologise to my dh

8 replies

Irishchic · 06/01/2010 10:40

We had a row last night. We were discussing something and it was getting a bit heated and he started to walk out, I aksed him to come back in the room but he insisted on standing at the door so I had to crane my head around to finish what I was saying to him. I asked him to come over where I could see him, he flounced in, threw his eyes up and then let loose some expletives and walked out.

He came in and apologised an hour later and I thought that was the end f it.

This morning before he left for work and before I was even up, half asleep he brought the whole thing up again. I am not good in the morning, I dont function until I have had a shower and cup of tea. So he brought this up and insisted on going over all this again so that "it wouldnt be hanging over him all day at work." I said it wasnt hanging over him 'cos he had apologised and that was the end of it. But then he said "well dont you think you were in the wrong too to talk to me like I was a 3 year old." I said, "well no actually I dont, cos that's not what I was doing at all."

He insisted I was as much in the wrong as him and that I should apologise. The thing is I don't see the point in apologising unless you think you have done something wrong, otherwise you are just apologising for the sake of it, just to appease the other person.

So I didnt do it, and in fact was so riled by then that I just told him to grow up and get over himself and he went off in a huff having said some very hurtful things on the way out.

AIBU not to apologise to him?

OP posts:
pjmama · 06/01/2010 10:48

I guess it's up to you how long you want the argument to carry on for?

It always takes two to have an argument, regardless of what it's about or who started it. Usually in the middle of a row, neither party is behaving very well because emotions are running high and we don't have time to think. If he was big enough to apologise for his part in it, then perhaps you could too? By refusing to acknowledge that you are anything other than blameless, you just perpetuate the unpleasantness.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 06/01/2010 10:49

Yes YABU. It was both of you arguing, he has apologised and clearly he feels spoken to by you in a belittling way, otherwise he wouldn't have mentioned it this morning. Sometimes it's as much about how the other person feels as about whether you did or didn't talk in a certain way. He has been big enough to apologise and I think you should too.

PrammyMammy · 06/01/2010 10:52

I think you should apologize yes. It takes two to have an argument so he wasn't arguing with himself. It will make him happy and things will move on quicker.

OrmIrian · 06/01/2010 10:53

Of course you should apologise. If you think it's all done and dusted it won't hurt to do so will it. He is feeling upset. Why not just say sorry and be done with it.

RJRabbit · 06/01/2010 10:55

I think that because your DH felt that you were talking to him like a 3-yr-old (and his feelings are valid) then you should apologise. Just say "I'm sorry you thought I was talking to you like a 3-yr-old. That wasn't my intention."

His perception of it is just as important as yours.

mrsboogie · 06/01/2010 11:17

YABU.

He was trying to clear the air and establish that no one held any hard feelings so that he would have a cloud over him at work.

You could have said I am sorry too if I upset you.

text him and sort it out!

Irishchic · 06/01/2010 11:20

Ok. I suppose I'd better apologise then.

The reason why the argument started is that he wanted me to move from where I had just sat down on the sofa because he feels that is his seat. He is very territorial about his space in the house, and always makes sure he gets the best most comfiest seat or chair to sit on.

If I sit on his seats he queries is, like he did last night. And I just thought FFS we both work hard, why cant he just let me relax, I had only just sat down AT 10PM after numerous chores and was really looking forward to relaxing when he comes in and starts off with "why are you sitting there, can you not sit on the other seat..etc etc

It went from there. Maybe I did speak to him like a 3 year old, but tbh thats cos he behaved like one.

OP posts:
Irishchic · 06/01/2010 12:04

He just came in from work now wanting to clear the air again. He insists he felt I talked down to him. So I did apologise just to make the peace.

Still grates with me though.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread