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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be dreading this 1 year olds party?

29 replies

Coldhands · 05/01/2010 19:53

My cousin is having a 1st birthday party for his DS this week. My cousin has invited us after deleting me from his facebook and saying he won't go to mutual relatives house if I am there due to an incident with my DS and his DS and stuff (unrelated to our DS's) he was writing on facebook. I don't know why he invited us but I wasn't going to go. However years ago his mum (my aunt) fell out with me over a ridiculous thing over me not inviting her daughters BF to my wedding and she didn't speak to me for many years. It has only been since I had my DS that she is finally talking to me again.

I have also had a bit of a run in with my younger sister and her mum (we have the same dad) has got stupidly involved and is being very very petty. I have just found out that they are going to be there too.

My DH has pointed out that if we don't go (and subsequently we now have to invite cousins DS to our DS's party) my aunt could get funny again, so I feel obliged, but I am really really dreading it. It is going to be very awkward and I really can't work out why we have even been invited. AIBU?

OP posts:
mrsjammi · 05/01/2010 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

compo · 05/01/2010 19:56

Why don't you ring and clear the air first?

SixtyFootDoll · 05/01/2010 19:57

Do any of you like each other in your family?

memoo · 05/01/2010 19:57

hmmm you do fall out with a lot of people. maybe its best you don't go, for their sake

ChippingIn · 05/01/2010 19:57

Did you post about this a week or so ago? If not there's someone in a very similar situation!!

How much do you care that your Aunt might get funny again?

It sounds dreadful - I think I'd cite a 'prior arrangement'! and stay away...

But without all the family history it's hard to say.... only you know all the gory details

sunburntats · 05/01/2010 20:00

oooh you do fall out with allot of people dont you!

Think its inviting trouble and has potential to cause upset at a special birthday celebration for that little one.

If you have upset that many people, why do you think that they are inviting you? Do you think that they want to build bridges and make up with you, especially as the falling out reasons were very petty as you say?

TubbyDuffs · 05/01/2010 20:00

I wouldn't go if it was going to be such a pain in the arse tbh. Sounds like your family are bloody hard work.

Bathsheba · 05/01/2010 20:01

Thats an awful lot of falling out....is eveyone in your family this volotile in their relationships..?

Sounds like you should distance yourself from all of them

MiladyDeWinter · 05/01/2010 20:02

What is the point of a party for a one year old? Does the baby have loads of mates who might be offended if not invited and / or reciprocal invitations to uphold?

BooHooo · 05/01/2010 20:02

"due to an incident with my DS and his DS and stuff (unrelated to our DS's)"

This doesn't make sense

ChippingIn · 05/01/2010 20:05

Milady - not sure where you are from, but it's fairly customary to have a first birthday party - to mark the parents surviving the first year if nothing else!

Original poster
Coldhands · 05/01/2010 20:06

Oh god, it sounds like I'm really hard to get along with, ha ha. I'm not, I get on well with people I just have some very 'odd' people in my family who are very petty.

Compo, tbh, it wasn't me who had the problem with my cousin, I had good reason to be very annoyed with him and he has gone all 'funny' with me. Even his mum (the aunt who didn't speak to me for years) had a word with him about it. I wouldn't have a clue what to say to him as I'm not suppose to know that he said he won't go to relatives if I am there.

Sixtyfoot, lol. Yes I have some fantastic family members, its just a shame about the 'loons' but from what I have seen on here, we all have them!

Memoo, I really don't! As I said above, some of my family are 'odd'.

Chipping, I was really close to this aunt when I was growing up, I have always got on so well until this thing. We occasionally meet (by accident) at relatives house so it does make it easier if we get on, and I find it so stressful not getting on with people. I just struggle with some who are two faced/bitchy or just plain loony.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coldhands · 05/01/2010 20:09

Sorry Boohoo. There was an 'incident' at my nans house with my DS and cousins DS. It really was nothing but my cousin reacted badly. The "and stuff" bit was related to facebook, he put something on his status that I was worried about and informed my family. He guessed it came from me.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 05/01/2010 20:09

If you don't want to go, don't go.

Prior engagement, and all that.

If you feel it woudl do your family realations good to go, then go.

Either way, YABU.

RumourOfAHurricane · 05/01/2010 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MiladyDeWinter · 05/01/2010 20:12

Quite right Chipping, the OP is about family guests so my comment wasn't relevant, sorry. I agree with you.

Original poster
Coldhands · 05/01/2010 20:17

Shineon, I know it does sound like that, lol. Most of my family are not that bad. There are just a few that I owuld quite happily never see again (and most of my family agree on this).

OP posts:
compo · 05/01/2010 20:22

delete them all from facebook, it is the safest thing

ChippingIn · 05/01/2010 20:25

Well, if you want to stay 'friendly' with your Aunt then I guess you have to go - promise yourself a treat when you leave

Maleeka · 05/01/2010 20:28

Oooh go!! It will be a Jeremy Kyle wet dream!

thesecondcoming · 05/01/2010 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Coldhands · 05/01/2010 22:17

Well, thesecondcoming, the thing with my cousin is totally not my fault, my DS shouted which made his DS cry. My cousin then spent the whole afternoon glaring at my DS and I caught him purposly trying to kick a ball(very hard) at my DS. He wrote something on FB about his GF which worried me as I know something had gone on with them before so I informed a member of the family, as did other relatives, but he totally blames me for that. The thing with my sister is really daft but has nothing to do with her mum but she has chosen to be petty and get too involoved even though my dad has told her not to. The thing with my aunt is very weird, I swear she was jealous because I got married before she did (she is much older) and was looking for an excuse. I didn't invite cousins BF as I wanted to be fair and if we let her bring someone, we had to let all the others too and there wasn't enough space. I tried to explain that it was the same rule for everyone (no one else had a problem) but she took it too far, mainly following her DPs lead. She now realises there was much more to it and my cousin was lying to her about loads of things. Her now being slightly involoved with my DS is her way of apologising (according to my nan). There are other family 'issues' that so have nothing to do with me, so I know it isn't just me.

OP posts:
TigerDrivesAgain · 05/01/2010 22:23

I'd forget about this lot and get on with my life.

trite but you can choose your friends but not your relatives. This really sounds like playground stuff to me, sorry.

And I definitely wouldn't go to the party, the kid's too young to be bothered either way so you won't be offending it.

verytellytubby · 05/01/2010 22:37

All sounds mental!

I'd avoid at all costs.

shockers · 05/01/2010 22:39

I would go and remember it's a party for a baby they do the same.
If things 'kick off', I would remember it was 'time we were off'