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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is the school?

142 replies

claw3 · 05/01/2010 10:11

Just had a phone call from school to say that the Head has decided to clamp down on 'incorrect' school uniform and that my ds 13 is with her in the office and they want to send him home to change his shoes.

He is wearing all black plimsoll type shoes, which up until this point have been allowed in school.

I explained that these are the only school shoes he has at the moment and that i cannot afford to buy him any different shoes until the 13th January, but would do so then.

She has told me she has been advised by the Head that he will have to stay home until the 13th.

I have told her that is ridiculous and is not acceptable to me. She is going to get back to me.

OP posts:
HopingForChristmasSexOnFire · 05/01/2010 10:13

YADNBU. The scool are being totally unreasonable here. If you cannot get them to see how ludicrous they're being, I would try the LEA.

compo · 05/01/2010 10:14

bloody hell

I would ring the LEA and complain

WhatDidISayRoy · 05/01/2010 10:14

That is ridiculous. They needed to warn you that this would be happening for a start, not just spring it on you.

I would be inclined to keep him home until the 13th then. Are you working? You can set him allsorts of work from the internet etc.

GypsyMoth · 05/01/2010 10:14

YANBU AND THE SCHOOL IS!!

many times one or other of my dc has had shoe probs. a note should suffice!

why choose today to 'clamp down'?

our school (upper) is also considering allowing this type of shoe...no idea why,but according to dd's,they will allow them for the summer term

fernie3 · 05/01/2010 10:15

YANBU if you have explained that you will change the shoes when you can afford to they should accept that (or the head should buy the shoes if she is so concerned!)

compo · 05/01/2010 10:15

surely they ahve to give advance notice?

but also do you really have to wait until the 13th to get some?

you could get shoes quite cheaply in the interim? ask grandparents to help, or a friend with older dcs?

clumsymum · 05/01/2010 10:15

I certainly don't think it is an issue they should suspend him for (in effect that is what they are doing), but I do think they have the right to properly implement the uniform policy.

They should certainly have sent due warning tho, I think, that the uniform policy was to be stictly applied from the beginning of this term.

bumpybecky · 05/01/2010 10:16

It is not unreasonable for the school to insist on 'proper' shoes rather than canvas plimosles.

However it is very unreasonable for them to change the rules with no prior warning to parents (several letters home, notes on newsletters etc) and I think it is extremely unreasonable for them to say your ds needs to stay at home until he has other shoes.

Hope they see sense!

WhatDidISayRoy · 05/01/2010 10:17

You stand your ground girl! They will back down and allow you til the 13th i reckon.

Hassled · 05/01/2010 10:18

I would talk to one of the school Governors before you go to the LEA. And ask the school office for a copy of their Uniform Policy - if the shoe bit isn't in there then they don't have a leg to stand on.

And clarify whether or not it will be counted as Authorised or Unauthorised Absence, because if it's the latter you'll have the Educational Welfare Officer on your back before you know it.

Heffthelump · 05/01/2010 11:04

I don't think the school are BU in expecting certain standards of uniform. I do think they ABVU in saying your son has to stay off school until 13th Jan though.

Completely agree with Hassled's post

Original poster
claw3 · 05/01/2010 11:33

Compo, Im really not trying to be awkward, if i had the money now for new shoes, i would buy them. Im totally skint after Christmas.

The ironic thing is my 16 year old ds wears exactly the same shoes (as do most of the boys in the school) and the Head of his year isnt clamping down and he can continue to wear them!

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 05/01/2010 11:34

YANBU. That is absurd.

But isn't he going to get very wet and cold feet till 13th?

Original poster
claw3 · 05/01/2010 11:40

Ormirian, probably i did tell him that before i bought them. But he is a 13 year old, who is more concerned with looking good, than comfort. If he gets cold wet feet, its his own choice. (He will learn says the 40 year old comfortable shoe wearing mum!)

OP posts:
grumpypants · 05/01/2010 11:41

Ask them if they are officially excluding him, in which case that is for a period of longer than 5 days and I think they need to have a governor's meeting to consider this. Also, exclusion should not be used for breaches of uniform policy, unless persistent and defiant. Tell them that you intend to ring the LA if they exclude him officially to discuss the above (and the governors) and if not an official exclusion he will be in school tomorrow. In plimsolls until 13 Jan.

grumpypants · 05/01/2010 11:41

if he has alternative shoes, let them send him back to change into them tho, avoiding any hassle.

Original poster
claw3 · 05/01/2010 11:49

Grumpypants, thats exactly what i would have done, if he had any other shoe shoes (his old ones are too small)

I will certainly ask them if they are excluding him, thats a good idea, as you are quite right, technically 'staying home' until you have correct shoe shoes is excluding him. They havent phoned back yet.

OP posts:
grumpypants · 05/01/2010 11:52

if they do exclude him, there is guidance on doing so, and specific reference to uniform. (just wondered if you had had other trainers more suitable for cold/ snow that's all, maybe in a diferent colour - totally get waiting to buy cr my thread on being cashless )

bran · 05/01/2010 11:56

YANBU, it would the completely unacceptable for them to disrupt his education over a trivial issue like shoes.

Have you looked at Shoes for kids? I use them quite a bit for shoes for DS and DD. You would have to allow an extra couple of days for delivery but they are good value.

StewieGriffinsMom · 05/01/2010 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

unavailable · 05/01/2010 11:58

Alot of schools have a collection of second hand uniform/ unclaimed lost property. (Although I appreciate shoes may be rare!)

I would ask the school what they suggest you do between now and 13th, as you are keen to ensure ds adheres to the rules.) This puts the ball firmly back in their court.

TeamEdward · 05/01/2010 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lowenergylightbulb · 05/01/2010 12:00

Most schools and teachers want to welcome, support and include all families, parents and children. But you do get jobsworths who are twats.

I'd visit the head teacher, and if you get no joy the LA.

YANBU, YANBU, YANBU.

Original poster
claw3 · 05/01/2010 12:12

TeamEdward, sorry its the Head of Year, should have made that clearer.

The school uniform policy says 'shoes - all black' so i suppose i am wrong in that respect, his shoes are all black, but not 'shoes'.

I suppose the kids have bent the rules a bit and i have been foolish enough to think that this was acceptable because 'all the boys in school wear them'. Although im happy to put this right on the 13th.

I dare not mention that my 16 year old wears them too, otherwise i might have 2 boys at home until the 13th!

OP posts:
grumpypants · 05/01/2010 12:18

Have they rung you?
If they make you keep him at home, this is an exclusion and only the head can make that decision. You must be formally informed, and given the opportunity to make representations to the governors. (Secondary school, over 5 days - I can dble check this, as am not 100% on the requirement for a governors meeting v representations)There are procedures that must be followed. The school cannot ask you to keep him at home - this is an unofficial exclusion and not okay.