Is this person being unreasonable to be annoyed at sleeping DH?

[PavlovtheCat]

morning! Let me describe a situation to you and you tell me if you think this woman is being unreasonable.

There is a woman who has a newborn baby, and a toddler of 3.5years old. She is, of course, on maternity leave and her DH does a lot to help out in the day, he cooks lunch, looks after the toddler, attempts to clean and do some of the washing, although not all of it. She is breastfeeding her baby around every 2 hours or so normally, including through the night, but currently her baby is a bit poorly so he is feeding less, and therefore she is also expressing, which takes more time. For the last 2 nights, she has hardly had any sleep because her baby has been choking on his coughs and last night was sick a few times. She got up this morning at 6:50am when her toddler woke up, and took her just fed baby into the front room, where he played and smiled for a while before being given medicine and then dozed off.

DH is unemployed. He works hard to keep the house tidy and he looks after their DD when the woman is feeding and otherwise preoccupied with baby. In the evening, he has the time to himself after he has cooked dinner. Most mornings, he gets up with DD, which is at the moment around 7:30am, apart from this morning. He tends to huff and puff a bit, but does it nonetheless, and occasionally gets up earlier with DD if she is up. Yesterday afternoon, he went to visit a friend as he needed a break. Last night, he stayed up late playing the x-box. In the night, when the baby was being sick, he did not stir and had to be asked to find a muslin or wetwipes to clear it up (not much, over the womans neck mostly). He did this and goes back to sleep. This morning, when DD got up he said he wanted to stay in bed. He is still in bed.

Is this woman being unreasonable to complain that she is up with both the children (one of whom is asleep) after sleeping not very much at all for several nights? Or is she being a bit spoilt and expecting too much?

Eh, as long as it's all working in your house!

TBH, it's nice to see a family unit functioning like this. Hope you have a better day today.

YABU , it is not as though he does nothing. Give the poor guy a break. Everyone is allowed a lie in from time to time.

Should read that last page of a thread before commenting. Ignore me.

Pavlov

I woukld say you are wise. He sounds like he is trying hard What I would say though is when I am getting really unhappy with my life and finding it really hard I sometimes stay up very late watching TV becaus I can't face getting up in the morning and am trying to put it off. It is completely irrational and makes no sense but is often the first sign to me that I am getting depessed.

If it really is an occasional thing then no problem, but I would be just slightly concerened if this happens too often. Your dh is unemployed, unhappy about his 'work' and sleep deprived, these together would trip me into depression quite easily.

I am not saying this to make excuses for him but just to bear in mind.

My DH does all that as well as a full time job. I also have a sick newborn (is 13 weeks a newborn still?), a 2.5 yr old and 5 yr old. I spent the last few nights awake most of the night feeding and clearing up puke, but my DH gets up with the others (and in the night with the toddler if needed), does breakfast, cleans, puts a wash on, dresses kids, hoovers, changes the babies nappy...I just had to get up at 11 so he could go to work for a 12-11 shift.

I should probably let him have a lie on one of these days.....

MY DH never did, nor does anything, in the 4 years I've had DS, I've had 2 lie ins.

DS only ever slept 20m at a time for the first 3-4 weeks...

As crap as she thinks he is being, he's better than some.

Groundhogs - I just don't understand why you put up with it? What is so great about your DH that you allow him to be that useless? [not being nasty, just genuinely curious why you'd put up with it??]

Pavlov - it all seems to be working out for you Not always easy though is it!!

Pooexplosions - might be wise before he has a complete meltdown!!

Bumblingbovine - I do that too. Makes no sense, but I just seem to get 'over tired' and can't/wont sleep. Last night for example I didn't sleep and I don't mean I didn't sleep well or I dozed, I mean I was wide awake all night. Then I end up on MN, reading, doing puzzles or something else I lie there thinking about things I'd rather not... I look like a bag of crap today, but don't actually feel any different to any other day (mind you, that's not saying much!!).

bumbling i have posted before about my DH and it is not the first time that depression has been mentioned by others, and certainly not something I am not aware of. I would say, he is most certainly depressed. His brother also said he thought this when he visited recently (although with him i suspected an element of transferance as he is depressed, has a therapist and suspects everyone else needs it too!).

Apart from gently encourage DH to get some support outside me, i can't do anything to bring him out of it, nothing i have and continue to try has worked. The only thing i can see that will help is to get a job outside of the home.

Its not so much that he dislikes being a househusband. He loves having the chance to spend time with both DD and now DS, knows this time is precious and he won't get it back, and many men don't get this, and he loves cooking, so dinner is not too much of a chore )now i am not vomiting all day every day and eating 'hospital' food!). Its that, and the cleaning, and all of it, and not feeling that he is financially contributing, or doing something in his own right outside of the home, that is his problem.

Anyway, thats all by the by, he appreciated his lie-in, and turns out he is not feeling 100%. He has, by this evening, a hacking cough like DS, so seems to have his bug. So probably a good job i let him lie in.

Chipping: I dunno myself tbh. For the last 3.5yrs we've been abroad, so I've been totally alone and powerless to do anything other than put up with it. In DH's country they are even WORSE!!!

I came home in early May, he just flew back in a couple of days before Xmas. In his defence, the other day he DID say he'd do breakfast and for me to stay put... He's finding his feet here, new house, new village (we've always lived in London before living in his country). Plus he's not been back to the UK in 3.5 years, I at least had sanity breaks. I AM however making noises and taking stances (that aren't going down too well) that his non-involvement is not acceptable.... let's see what happens.

Here in the UK at least he will only have better role models than the shower of shite in the 'homeland'

For the sake of our family, for my son who has missed his dad dreadfully, I'll give it another shot, but if he doesn't toe the line, then it's easier without him. Having spent 8m here on my own, i know i can do it, and more importantly, so does he! I think I'll win in the end.