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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think wow isn't vital to life?

35 replies

ButterPie · 04/01/2010 16:06

We are staying at my mums, me and the kids since boxing day, dp since nye. We are leaving tomorrow as today is my birthday and I wanted to spend it with my family.

I spent some time chatting to my grandparents in their granny-flat, then when I came back to my parents bit of the house dp was on my mum and dads laptop. I presumed he was checking his facebook or whatever and thought nothing of it.

Later on, i went on to read my facebook birthday messages and noticed the computer was really slow. On further investigation, I saw that world of warcraft was installing.

My parents are really protective of the laptop as the last computer got wrecked by everyone downloading and installing loads of stuff. They need it as my mum uses it for work and my teenage sister uses it for homework.

I went outside to dp who was having a smoke and asked him if my dad had said it was ok to install wow. DP acted really shocked and offended that he would even have to ask. He has been in a silly teenage strop ever since, storming about and sulking, and snapping at me when he asked me if I needed anything from the shop and I asked which shop he was going to.

Surely it is not normal to install stuff on other people's computers without asking? Especially considering it is the only computer in a house of 5 computer users so there is always a queue of people wanting to use it - was he planning on doing his usual thing of spending the entire day on there? It's my birthday - surely I can have him for today? I hope he isn't stupid all night, I wanted to have tea with my family (chicken kievs, which again he is in a strop about, as he thought I should have got something posher, but I couldn't be bothered negotiating with my dad and sister and dp to find something posh they would all eat - dad likes everything overcooked, so veg is sloppy and meat is solid. Me and dp will have a posh meal later in the week) maybe play a board game then my mum has offered to watch the kids so I will express enough to get an evening at the local pub quiz with dp and my dad and maybe some old friends.

All this will be hell if dp is being a twat all day.

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 04/01/2010 16:12

I think that World of Warcreaft is a really odd thing. I totally understand gaming (My DH plays a lot of call of duty and that kind of thing) but WOW seems to take people over.

There was a programme on recently about this, from America, and I think the people on it were really addicted.

I think it's very rude to install something onto someone elses computer and rude to expect to play games like that for long periods of time.

You say he plays it a loit at home, that would drive me nuts to be honest.

fernie3 · 04/01/2010 16:12

YANBU personally I love playing wow and me and my husband often play together BUT to install it on someone elses computer and then act like an idiot about it is unreasonable!

MitchyInge · 04/01/2010 16:13

thought this was about some sort of WOW! factor in life where you get to experience cool stuff

not essential but good

don't know what world of warcraft is but does sound like something a reasonable person could be expected to do without

hannahsaunt · 04/01/2010 16:14

Trust me, from experience, that's a looooonnggg time with someone else's relatives. I can understand attempting to find solo entertainment to get a bit of space / headroom. You've been there longer and probably don't realise how much you've slotted back into your place in the family and how much more of an outsider dp may feel, pitching up later in the week. Birthday or not, I would have to fall on the side of being a teeny tiny bit unreasonable. Do hope you have a nice day though and have a fab meal out later in the week.

CMOTdibbler · 04/01/2010 16:14

I'd never install anything on someone elses PC without express permission, and it seems really odd that your DP would install it - after all, it's not something you can just pop onto for 5 minutes.

compo · 04/01/2010 16:15

Tbh you have been with your folks for ages
I can understand your dp getting fed up not doing his own thing or spending time alone with you thus evening for your birthday

fernie3 · 04/01/2010 16:16

butterpie get him to cancel his subscription for a month his account will still be there when he renews it (all his characters etc) we only buy it on a month to month basis because some months we just dont use it and other months we do.

He can prove to you he doesnt need it then!

MrsSantaChemist · 04/01/2010 16:19

YANBU, WoW uses up something like 24gig on our computer. Not acceptable to use up that much space on someone else's computer, even if he had asked.

DH spent all of his day off on sunday on fucking WoW, I could have murdered him. I play as well, but I'm on mat leave and it's nice to just spend an hour or so having a play. I know when to stop.

DH admitted a while back he had a WoW addiction, but he hasn't done much about it. He sulks if you tell him to stop, or says 'yeah, I'm nearly done, I just need to hand in some quests, or finish this, or find an inn etc. etc.' Cue another 2 hours playing.

Unfortunately game addictions are very real, and most people will laugh, but it can ruin people's lives. Perhaps agree to some boundaries, like only an hour playing and then family time. I deal with it by making plans (like going out for a walk) and forcing him to come along. You have my sympathies as a fellow WoW widow.

Original poster

ButterPie · 04/01/2010 16:21

I did ask him if he wanted to go to town today with the kids but he said he would rather sit about at home. I quite wanted the chance to spend my birthday money with someone with me to help with the children (would have probably ended up doing what dp wanted, but that is ok as it would have been going for lots of coffee)

OP posts:

fernie3 · 04/01/2010 16:25

mrssantachemist, my husband did this when he first started playing this was the whole reason I joined (with free trail at first) because then i could annoy him in the game to do things as well as in real life!

I think one more quest isnt so appealing when there is a madwoman chasing behind you saying "come on lets go to bed" or " we need to wash up" its just not so relaxing and his online friends would laugh at him! He is pretty good now and seems to have his priorities right again.

MrsSantaChemist · 04/01/2010 16:25

If you insisted he goes shopping would he sulk all day? Could you bribe him with coffee to come out with you?

DuelingFanjo · 04/01/2010 16:26

could you have left the kids with him and gone shopping alone or with someone else?

MrsSantaChemist · 04/01/2010 16:33

I just don't like to nag too much, because otherwise I would be nagging all the bloody time.

I mostly just sit and seethe.

Although I have yet to try logging on and telling him to do something. Might try it. I wonder if there is a /nag emote.

diddl · 04/01/2010 16:33

I can´t believe he did it without asking-and just as you are about to go home!

That´s a long visit, though!
Do you live a long way away and not see each other very often?

BouncingTurtle · 04/01/2010 16:35

YANBU, Butterpie, your DP is being incredibly selfish and inconsiderate of you and your family.

On a practical note, does your mum's laptop have a version of Windows that supports users? She can set up different user accounts for each person in the house, and also set up an administrator account. Anyone using the laptop would then have to be logged in as the administrator in order to install any software,and this account can be passworded as well to prevent unauthorised access.

fernie3 · 04/01/2010 16:35

I just blow him a kiss you can see the guilt washing over him then lol. I am well practiced in nagging and can do it any time or place!

SparrowFflamau · 04/01/2010 16:37

That is really really odd!

DH has been as WoW addicted over time as many, but never would have installed it anywhere else!!!

lucyellensmumagain · 04/01/2010 16:42

I saw an advert for this and was completely Since when has War become a craft? I thought war was a bad thing?

Aeschylus · 04/01/2010 19:06

My dh used to play this all the time so I opened an account just to say 'well i'm on it now' we both got completely addicted - no idea why!!! We have both given up now but it is life consuming (again don't know why but I played it, thought about it, talked about it etc!) just like some ppl on MN!!

It is out of order to downlaod onto someone else's computer without asking though but imo that goes for anything!

Original poster

ButterPie · 04/01/2010 22:31

Bollocks. I have just come downstairs after bursting into tears after tea. I ended up cooking most of it (my dad did take over when I had to go and ring my bank, thank god, or I would have murdered someone) with my sister moaning that she was hungry and wanted her tea (she is 16 fgs). DP had dasapeered two hours earlier, saying he was going to the local shop which is two minutes away to buy me stuff so he could make a birthday cake with DD1. My nana had been moaning to me about my Grandad who has dementia and had been hitting her, then my mum came home from her stressful job and immediately had to start picking up after my dad and sister. We ate tea, DD1 blew out some tealights on a xmas cake as that was the nearest thing we had to a birthday cake, then DP started saying how he hated being here and wished that he had caught a train home first thing this morning. He skulked off upstairs and then I asked my Dad to fill the pan of water I have been using to put the milton in to sterilise the breastpump and bottles (I am still in pain from a c section and spd so can't lift) as I supervised DD1 eating the cake at the table and basically sat feeling exhausted and in pain. He took one look in the pan and said "there's stuff in it" and started going on about how I am really lazy and expect everyone to do everything for me and I have only had a baby and women spend thier entire lives preparing to give birth so I should be able to get on with it. I just threw the bottles out of the pan and burst into tears and ran out.

Things seem calmer now though, DP has promised he will start behaving and we had a lovely cuddle and play with DD1 upstairs.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

Plus I am no longer a "young person" as I am now 25. This is the first birthday where I have started to feel old.

Meh.

OP posts:

valleyqueen · 04/01/2010 22:35

Whats world of Warcraft

Morloth · 04/01/2010 22:44

DH and I really enjoy WoW (though we are on a break from it at the moment, necessary sometimes). However, it is absolutely gobsmackingly, out of order, rude to install anything on someone else's computer without their permission. Especially something like WoW which is a hog and which is going to attempt to update itself regularly.

SleeplessInStormwind · 04/01/2010 23:26

As an ex-WoW-widow I feel a little bit of your pain.

The addiction phase did pass, eventually, after just over a year. He farmed heroics, got all the best-in-slot gear, maxed his professions, became imba... then spent a few days aimlessly fishing... and then just suddenly stopped, like something switched off in his head. He finally cancelled his account just before Xmas.

There were times when I seriously considered leaving, and times when I thought I would have been happier as a single mum - housework, shopping, childrearing etc feels like much more work when the other parent is sitting on his arse playing WoW 16 hours a day.

There was never anything I could say that would make a difference. As addictions go, at least it does have a kind of natural end point, and is relatively cheap.

DP is a bit younger than me and I think he partly used WoW to avoid responsibility, to hide away in. But eventually he did snap out of it.

Deep breath, and when you get home treat yourself to a second "unofficial" birthday...

JodieO · 04/01/2010 23:38

I play wow, as does dp. It actually doesn't have an end point. If all they do is heroics then they aren't into the raiding, where the real gear is. BIS gear comes from raids (occasionally trinkets etc from hcs) I run a top end guild on my server along with dp, we're faming the new content at the moment and basically at the same point as a couple of other guilds on our server (top basically). But, we play at nights, kids are in bed etc and we play together. That makes a lot of difference imo.

Pinkcaz · 04/01/2010 23:44

I used to play WOW and gosh yeah its very addictive but thankfully I didnt get to that point!

I think you are completely correct in how you felt and acted, I know someone who had their baby and the same night her husband was playing it!!

Its a strange game!!

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