to need help with looking after our toddler?

[London7]

Hi, I am writing this question and hope to get some unbiased replies that I can show to my husband that it is NOT unreasonable of me to ask him for help with looking after our toddler daughter. I work full time and spend 3 hours every day commuting. My daughter goes to nursery where I drop her off in the mornings and pick her up straight after work. My husband is away from Monday till Friday so I look after my daughter on my own the whole week and I do almost everything during the weekend as well. When I occasionally ask him to change her nappy or take her out, he feels I should be doing that. When I argue that he is also a parent and I need help, he tells me that I consider looking our daughter a duty and that there are thousands other women who do that without wanting to ask for any help. I love looking after my baby but I am constantly exhausted as on top of everything I do 95% of housework (I don't do anything for him as we are divorcing). Am I a bad mother for wanting a bit of help? Thanks.

Sounds as if you are lucky to be rid of him. What happens when you are divorced ? Does he want to see her then ? This guy needs a huge reality check. How does your daughter react if he actullly DOES try to do anything ? If he's never been hands of, she may just not 'know' him that well and it's become a bit of a viscious circle. Do you trust him to change her nappy etc or do you tend to hover in case he gets it wrong ? That may also explain his attitude a bit.

But no of course YANBU

What an arsehole. Poor you and poor DD.
Good luck with your divorce. My DH often works 12/14 hour days then spends all weekend with our DC as he can't bear missing out on them in the week.

London7 doesn't say she's divorcing him - NotQuiteACockney was saying that the dh ought to learn to look after the dd so she knows him when the inevitable happens - assuming anyone married to a man like that would want to divorce him.

He does sound like an utter waste of space as a father. My dh adored spending time with our children when they were little, and did lots of stuff for them even though I wasn't working or when I was, it was part time.

He was absolutely great with them when they were little - he used to take them out by himself, change nappies, feed them, play with them, cuddle them, get them to sleep - and as a result, he has a really good relationship with them now.

As your dh if he wants to be a total stranger to his daughter, London7, and tell him how much he is missing out on by refusing to spend time with her.

Sorry - I pressed post too soon. Tell him that he is running the risk of having either no relationship with his child, or a very distant and unhappy one - and that it will be entirely his own fault if this happens.

He also needs telling that being a father doesn't end with sperm donation - that is only the beginning, and he needs to step up and become a daddy.

Hello unbiased reply from a single mum of DS who is adorable and manic at 3 1/2 yrs.

He should get his fingers out of his arse and start taking his responsibilities seriously. He is a complete cocknose always assuming having a family was his choice.

You are certainly not being unreasonable and quite frankly you'll be a lot better off whn you only have the one demanding toddler in the house.

Arse!

xMad

Your husband is B totally and utterly U.

I can't believe he has the nerve to argue otherwise. If he thinks his attitude is justifiable, however, I have serious doubts that anything is going to change his mind.

Further than that, I'm at a complete loss for words, his behaviour is that unreasonable.

think you will find it much easier without him

could you get an au pair maybe? or some other household help?

How is this toss pot supposed to look after his DD when he has access?

He sounds like a lazy, selfish fucker. Glad you are divorcing him. I am sorry for your DD that she has a twat for a father.

I asked my DH for a male perspective just to get the balanced household view here.

I read him your post. He snorted in disbelief ... and thanked your DH for making him look fantastic.

But still

I'm sorry, LadyintheRadiator - I obviously need to read the thread more carefully.

THEY AREN'T DIVORCING.

NOTQUITEACOCKNEY said it as a joke

Sorry to shout, but this one could run and run ...

OP, I am a SAHM, and when DH is home, we share the childcare. They are his children as well.

God knows how resentful I'd feel in your place

She does say they are divorcing in her post, Jamie - I made the same mistake. She said:

"...I do 95% of housework (I don't do anything for him as we are divorcing)...."

SORRY, clearly I am a huge arse

Noooo - you can't go - we should stay here and be huge arses together.

BTW - my arse truly is huge - I bet it's bigger than yours, so ner!

Sorry, should have come back on to point out that my comment about divorcing wasn't a joke - as others have pointed out, the OP did say they were divorcing, albeit at the end of her post.

OP, sorry about all this confusion. It has detracted from your thread.

Are you still there ?