To want the holiday I want NOT the holiday my husbands friend wants?

[bendyJo]

Money is tight and my husband suggested that in order for us to have a holiday this year, we go away with his friend's family, who we are close to and share teh expense.

I was happy for this but then costs started to get out control. So I started to look at other ways for us to go away together that would please everyone but reduce the expense.

I have come with a solution that involves, dh, dd and I camping. His friends can stay in an apartment as they do not like the idea of camping (even though our tent is plenty big enough) I have also found out the cheapest place to hire a 7 seater to transport us all and enable to do day trips whilst away.

His friend however wants us all to stay together so we could split the cost of the apartment, but this would end up costing us £50 more than camping for the week.

He also wants us to take the afternoon (ie cheaper) train down there as this would cost less than hiring a car. But firstly I dont want to travel in the afternoon as we would lose a day of our holiday and also in the long run I think a car would work out cheaper as we wouldn't have to use public transport whilst away.

DH wants a peaceful life - and a holiday away with his friend so is saying IABU. His argument is that once we have got the stuff we still to get for camping (sleeping bags, table and stove)our holiday will cost more than theirs in the apartment.

There is also the added point that I'm not sure if I can live with another family for 7 nights and have a happy holiday.

So who is being unreasonable, dh or I?

Most 7 seaters have tiny boots. Even if you were not camping there us a chance the boot would be too small. There is always a lot of stuff to bring on a self-catering holiday unless bedding & towels are provided.

Oh yes, completely forgot about the boot space. We have a five-eater which turns into a 7-seater but the extra seats in these cars tend to be in the boot so indeed there is almost not room for luggage never mind camping stuff by the time you are all in.

Oh Lord, my typing is atrocious!

Go to the pub together
Work out if you like each other enough to go away on hols together
If you do scrap the camping idea, and hire the big car, or two small ones
If not scrap the holiday

IMO you'll never comfortably get all the people and stuff in a 7 seater, and the train with all that gear will be a nightmare.

If you have any doubts at all about all being together for 7 days the holiday is a Very Bad Idea.

YANBU. Nothing good will come from this trip. Get out of it any way you can. Good luck.

They can't drive hence the dilema over the car.

Well then that's why they want to not hire a car and to just use public transport. They probably don't want to have to rely on your for lifts everytime they want to go anywhere.

You would need more than 1 7 seater for two families + kids + camping / self catering luggage for a whole week anyway.

Why not just hire yourselves a little car and they can get the train?

You definately wouldn;t fit the camping gear and 6/7 people in a 7 seater...

Also, TBH you are only saving £50 in camping, I wouldn't camp for a £50 saving, esp not the first time you have done it - if you were old hands at it then its a different matter.

If neither of them drive then they are used to using public transport everywhere, which I presume is why the whole idea of "not driving" is on their radar but maybe not on yours - I personally couldn;t go on holiday and use public transport everwhere but thats because the type of holidays I go on in the UK aren;t covered by public transport....however a couple of days train fares for you all to go places will probably amount to the same as the car hire.

Do a costing of the price for you all to get there by train, the price of you all to go to a couple of the excursions by train and see how that tallies with the price of hiring a car and having the freedom to do things spontaneously/come home if they are crap/if it rains too much etc...then see if you can show that hiring a car isn't a negative option.

Otherwise look seriously about hiring a car for your family to give you that freedom if they have insisted they don't want it.

But yeah, you aren;t saving a huge whack by camping and I'd rethink that part.

If they don't drive then it is fair enough for them to prefer the train.

If you are not camping then I imagine the train would be more comfortable and relaxing, even if it takes longer.

You just all have to get together and talk through options - and not rush into anything.

In thinking a bit more about this I'd also struggle to take the self catering (I'm assuming the apartment is self catering) stuff for my family on a train.

I think trains only work if you can manage to limit luggage to 1 carryable bag per person (and that doesn't take into account things like prams and travel cots that you might need) and I never managed to go away on a self catering holiday with children with that....(there is a good chance that is just me though and some far far more practical person will tell me exactly how they can.).

Again if this other family only ever travel by public transport they probably have a system and very pared down luggage and requirements, and maybe you don't.

Stop now before it's too late! We made a pact long ago never to go on holiday with friends. At worst you'll fall out forever more and at best you'll spend the whole time compromising and biting your tonge, and disagreeing on children's bedtimes, eating habits, pocket money etc.

Holidays are to be enjoyed, not endured. They are not times for compromise. Both of you should do what YOU want without having to worry that it won't suit the other.

that would be tongue...........

Why is it cheaper for you to go away with another family if they are in an apartment and you are camping? I don't understand.

I love going on holiday with my friends but we have been doing it for 20 years and we know how to do it. Now we've had children some of them have been struck off the list because of incompatibility of parenting styles but otherwise it's a blast. Holidaying with other people is either fabulous or a nightmare. There is no in-between. I suspect this will be the latter