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Original poster

To think the online me is much better than the real me?

23 replies

AnnoyingCow · 04/01/2010 12:54

Name changed because I don't like people to know how insecure I am.

Why is it that the people in RL have branded me annoying, I have always been slightly immature, but it's only because I don't take life too seriously and want to have fun in my life.

Why is it that the people that haven't met me in RL, or have only met me briefly think I am nice and funny and a laugh?

Why is it I have very few friends in RL but lots of online 'friends'?

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 04/01/2010 12:56

Ooh, that's a good question. Do you think you're different online? Are you more yourself online or in RL?

FrannyandZooey · 04/01/2010 12:57

i don't know if you are annoying in rl or not
but it's easier to be tolerant of such quirks on the internet i think
we can just walk off if someone is getting a bit much
i'm friends with all kinds of people on here that i would probably drive mad / be driven mad by in RL
it's one of the beauties of the www
(can be drawback too as you don't need to face up to the unlikeable parts of your character so frequently - someone will always be around to stick up for you, or chat to you, no matter how much of a wanker you are )

Mamazon · 04/01/2010 12:59

because people come online for some light releif. for the majority people in rl have things to be getting on with and if you are as immature as you say i imagine they find it quite draining.

being young and fun is fine, you just need to learn that t here is a time and place

Pikelit · 04/01/2010 13:01

If a significant number of people branded me "annoying" in RL, I'd consider

(a) whether they are fuckwits themselves, or
(b) whether they have a point

because nobody is real on the internet.

Pineapplechunks · 04/01/2010 13:06

When someone is reading a post online they are reading it how they are seeing it, not necessarily how you have 'said' it, so they are putting their own personality stamp on it.

You can also delete words or phrases or even whole paragraphs online too if you change your mind before hitting the 'post' button, something you definitly can't do in RL. You have plenty of time to consider a response and don't just say the first inane thing that comes into your mind too.

I don't have lots of RL friends, not because I'm annoying but because I don't like many people and I don't feel the need for lots of 'friends' to validate who am I.

Are you sure you're not just picky like me?

Original poster
AnnoyingCow · 04/01/2010 13:10

When I was growing up my dad was never serious about anything. I think I may have learned this off him. I find it too easy to make a joke of anything, as my dad always has done.

I have actually been fired before for messing around.

I think I need to grow up a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnoyingCow · 04/01/2010 13:16

I went to severla schools when I was growing up due to my dad being in the army.

The school I went to the most I enjoyed being at but then when I moved to other schools I started playing up and acting out, I think I must have been trying to get people to like me, my dad had lots of friends and was always liked for being the funny guy.

I have a close circle of friends that put up with me but whenever I try to take other friendships further they just seem to hit a brick wall. Which I had previously put down to me having children and them not (am a young mum so many people my age don't have their own kids) but I'm now starting to think that can't be the case all the time.

I remember being called annoying a lot at school, and in fact had an intolerance to E numbers and was fed them by class'mates' because they found it funny how I would react afterwards

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 04/01/2010 13:22

You don't sound that annoying on here... I remember (way back) when I was younger having only one friend with a child and it's hard if you don't have children to understand how much of your life they consume and how they always, always come first.

If you believe you need a more serious attitude then you're probably halfway there. If you can pick up on when "messing about" is inappropriate and stop yourself from doing it then that will help you to change.

I tend to be the person who lightens the atmosphere myself so I do understand where that comes from.

You sound ok to me though.

ImSoNotTelling · 04/01/2010 13:32

Unless you are a troll or living an internet double life then who you are online is you.

You say your close friends like you - so you can't be that bad!

I have a friend who is always messing around and getting into trouble - she has always been the same since school. Some people find her a bit much and think she's a bit mad, but others think it's great to be spontaneous and cheery.

If people don't take to you - so what - find some other friends. It's not like you haven't got any. And I bet your kids think you're great

OrmIrian · 04/01/2010 13:33

Me too. I am much slimmer and younger looking online.

OrmIrian · 04/01/2010 13:35

BTW I am too earnest in RL. I have to lighten up to make friends.

How hard do you work at friendships? I have finally realised that real friendships need lots of work. Taken me 44 yrs to realise that though .

notanumber · 04/01/2010 13:36

Do you have any idea exactly how people find your behaviour annoying?

Your posts imply that it's not deliberate, that you aren't trying to wind people up, so what is happening? Do you 'take things too far' on occasions? Get carried away with 'teasing' people etc?

You say you have lost jobs due to this behaviour in the past. What was said when you were dismissed? Did you agree with what they were saying?

If you know why you are annoying to other people at times, that is the first step towards adjusting that behaviour.

southeastastra · 04/01/2010 13:39

i'd probably like you in rl. though i am attracted to people who don't take it all too seriously.!

BelleDameSansMerci · 04/01/2010 13:39

OrmIrian, I'm too earnest too... I've struggled to realise what it is that's "wrong" and you've finally spelled it out for me. Thank you. I'm 44 too. Perhaps it's our planetary aspects or something!

fernie3 · 04/01/2010 13:42

I am more sure of myself online because no one knows me so no one can see that my house is a tip, my son is running round half naked and my daughter is using the cat bed as a tent (oops I spoiled my perfect mummy illusion!). When people dont know these things I can give my opinion on any matter without people knowing how disorganized I am!.

I have loads of people I chat to in real life but no close friends and its the same online really i dip in and out of a few forums but never really chat to anyone in particular.

Original poster
AnnoyingCow · 04/01/2010 14:00

I think I do take things too far, and I suppose I do tease, but I wouldn't ever tease about anything personal because being the victim of bullies I know how much it can hurt.

I think I proably do push the boundries though, and people who know me know I'm not being serious, but those who don't probably don't

I think that I tend to embarrass people, i forget that there is a time and a place and a place and end up joking around in the wrong company, I also tend to be quite loud and have been called nuts or crazy by several people. I think I just find it hard to control myself and be an adult.
I also have traits of 'borderline personality disorder', that I am seeing someone about, but I think maybe this is part of the reason?

The reason I got got fired was because me and my friend were throwing lettuce at each other when I worked in a salad chopping factory, I had been warned but didn't really get that they were being serious.... I don't really recall what was said as I didn't fight it, I just left.

I think it is right about the ability to edit what you type, I quite often speak without thinking and it lands me into trouble, online I quite often think "ohm, that might be going too far", and also I am more careful what i write because I am aware that without tone of speech it is easy to take things the wrong way.

I also can't control my curiosity so end up asking really personal questions when I am intrigued by something.
I think I act like a child too much

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnoyingCow · 04/01/2010 14:01

And SEA, we do get on on the boards

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 04/01/2010 14:04

How old are you? I'm quite ancient and don't want to sound patronising but these kinds of traits do usually calm down as one ages!

Original poster
AnnoyingCow · 04/01/2010 14:07

Im 23

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 04/01/2010 14:12

Ah, well, perhaps don't worry about it too much just yet! If you'd said 35 you might have a point.

In my non-scientific, based on general experience only, opinion you'll change loads between now and 33. Enjoy yourself!

BosomForAPillow · 04/01/2010 14:18

Yeah, most 23 year olds are annoying, don't worry about it.

Original poster
AnnoyingCow · 04/01/2010 14:22

Haha. Ok, I think I still need to calm myself down a lot, just to make sure I don't scare of any potential friends before they get to know me...

OP posts:
Spacehoppa · 04/01/2010 14:27

I am trying to search around for a non-annoying 23 year old now, but I can't immediately think of any.
Back to the original question this little trip online has cheered me up which is probably a plus for me and also for me online....
Does this sound a litle narcissistic?

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