to think that 'if it wasnt for the dcs we wouldnt be together' isnt That harsh, or untrue in some cases?

[snowedinwithJjandtheBean]

I can comfortably say me and dp wouldn't be together if it wasn't for the children.

There has been many a situation, nothing serious before anyone sayes we should split, where had i not got them tying me to him id have considered leaving him,

despite being head over heels in love with him,
and also i can imagine the feud that was between me and his family tested him severely. (thats all over now and im close to my ils)

we know had it not been for the dcs we wouldn't have fought so hard.

I am not saying this as a negative thing, we are very happy, just got engaged and are buying our first home, we move from renting in 6weeks, things couldnt be better, but im just saying had it not been for ds and dd wed have probably just thought fuck it, and left. And wouldnt have such a lovely relationship and happy family now.

SO AIBU?

Riven, dont you get any sort of respite care? Maybe you could enquire about this - apologies as i dont know anything about this sort of thing, but my cousins lad had SN and he would go to stay in a respite centre for two weeks at a time sometimes - he loved it

I know that so many people only stay together for the sake of the children. I used to be a family lawyer and had so many clients that used to stay in unhappy marriages purely for the children then finally get on with a divorce when the children had left home. So many wasted years

DH is a fuckwit who walked out on me and the DC on new years day. I swore if he left he'd never come back. He has today contacted me to say he wants to come back and I'm stupidly thinking of it but don't think I would if it wasn't for DC3 and 4 being so young. Why is life so complicated?

I don't think there is anything wrong with staying together as a family when the parents get on OK but are not particularly romantically inclined towards each other as long as both parents feel the same way. Problems arise when one parent is systematically belittling the other or behaving extremely selfishly (doing no domestic work or childcare and treating the other partner as a servant) - or when one partner longs for romantic affection and sex but the other partner is no longer interested (and refuses to percieve anythingwrong with the status quo).
However, lots of childfree couples stay together when unhappy because of the mortgage, or the dog, or because they don't want to be single when all their friends are trapped too in couples.

Absolutely true in my case. We have nothing to say to each other and if the girls were not here I would not be either.

oh dear, evil, that is very

so for those of you who are struggling.

I should have wrote my op more carefully, in my case me and dp had a very hard few years, his family hated me as he moved 100miles to live with me in my home town, that put huge pressure on us as i was the only person he knew and hes very shy, he also had the feud with his family and them constantly on at him, both of us for our own reason pushed one another away, both had enough eventually and spoke, both saying if it wasnt for ds wed have walked, then we discovered dd was on the way, i spoke to his mum and settled things with his family, now we are very close to them and re locating so we are closer to both sides,

What i was saying if it wasnt for ds wed have thrown away our life together, when we are very much in love, best friends and have so much fun as a couple, and as a family, this new year i just realised how far we had come and im so glad i stuck through a shitty year and came out of it far better than before