to stop bothering with my sister, warning it is long

[PoppyIsApain]

In the last year there has been alot of amniosity between my sister and I. A large family argument between my sister and mum developed and i got pulled into the middle of it. After a while i started speaking to her in what i thought was a normal way but it turned out that i was being honest with her and she was keeping alot of secrets from me, seeming to not trust me at all.
In the last month i have been through alot and would of expected some support off my sister, most recently christmas eve i told her that i was pregnant but seemed to be miscarrying, she reacted in a peculier way as she screamed with delight and congratulated me, after i had said about the mc bit. I fully understand some people dont know what to say and try to remember that but am getting fed up of having to be thoughtful atm.
I left her house xmas eve and all was ok, no arguments as i held my tongue. Didnt hear anything till boxing day when i got a message saying how are you, did you have a good xmas regardless which again i replyed nicely holding my tongue, i told her that weds/thurs i should be having a scan, as we are on sat and i havent heard anything from her, and as it was bad news for me and i dont want to be getting in touch with everyone to tell them i def mc. I feel i should tell her to fuck off, i have had no support off her and she didnt even wish me a happy new year, AIBU and silly or have i got a point, surely if she wanted a relationship with me she would of rang me up or emailed top see if im ok.

So sorry to hear about your mc.

It is a very odd reaction from your sister. Has she ever been pg? If not, it could explain her inability to appreciate what you"re going through.

It might be more helpful to you to find someone who can understand to support you at this time. In a crisis it's natural to turn to family members, but they are not always best placed to help IME.

I hope you feel better soon.

Clutching at straws here, but perhaps she doesn't realise how emotionally distressing a mc is? Has she had children? maybe she thinks it's a sort of 'oh well, better luck next time' thing. That or she doesn't know what to say to you- however to not hear anything from her at all, I agree, it's very cold of her.
I hope you are being supported in other areas of your family xx

"After a while i started speaking to her in what i thought was a normal way "

I'm not sure that there is ever a normal way to stop speaking to someone but it does occur to me that you have very different expectations of each other. All this texting is unhelpful too since it is so easy to misunderstand things and make a muddle even more difficult to unpick. So phone her up and arrange to speak face to face.

Sorry to hear about your mc,though. Not a happy way to spend Christmas.

Sorry about the delay in answering, she has been pg, 2 dc's and is 2 years older than me.
Thanks for your replies, i dont want to fall out with her if iam wrong and speaking to my mum about my sister doesnt help as they dont get on.

Talk to her. In person.

There seems to be two issues here.

1. The family argument
2. Your potential miscarriage (sorry this must be very painful for you) and your expectations for support

I assume that if you were dragged into a family rift between your sister and your mum, and the two of them are still not on speaking terms, this must be hard for your sister to deal with, and she may be unsure whether to place you in the camp with your mum, or with her.

If you are on speaking terms with your mum, but not she, I can sort of see why she is cautious regards to you. It seems to me there is a lot of unfinnished business with you and your sister here. It might be worth clearing the air.

It is up to her how much she tells you about her life, you say she is keeping secrets, she might worry you will tell your mum. She does not have to trust you just because you are her sister, trust needs to be earned.

As for your miscarriage, you dont feel she is supporting you enough. Did you support her enough in her big argument with your mum?
I would not feel it natural for me to play the supportive role in something so important, if I was not really on trusting terms with the person in question. I dont think you can expect much in terms of support if there still are issues regards the Big Argument that needs clearing up.

IMHO the issues she has have nothing to do with me, but i live with my mum so obviously have to be on speaking terms. We had discussed things about the argument and i spent months getting the 2 of them on speaking terms which worked for one visit then went pear shaped, i still tried to remain in contact and we would go to a local soft play area together with all the kids.
The argument was between my mum and sister and i find it really annoying to be involved anyway as there was nothing i didnt try to prevent it. I very much supported her, i tried to stop the argument happening, when it did happen i visited regulary and still she keeps me at arms length.
To me and i may be being naive, but i dont see how i have lost her trust to have to regain it.