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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to really not want to talk to my 12 year old sister until she gets some manners?

41 replies

Brunettelady · 01/01/2010 19:43

My (half) sister is 12. Her mother has lovely manners etc but has definatley not passed this on to her children.

There have been various things with my half sister to the point where I complained to my dad about the way she talks to adults.

She accidently deleted me off Facebook the other day and hass requested me as a friend again. I don't know why she bothered as thats where a lot of the previous problems came from and I won't talk to her on there anymore. Anyway she sent me a message asking me to accept her, and I jokingly replied that I didn't feel like it (I put lol to make it clear I was joking), she then replied with something else, can't remember exactly what, which I sent another jokey reply. She came back with "why are you being so sad and pathetic?" (not joking) and I said that was not the way to get me to accept her request. She then replied with "sorry brunette, I'm not licking your bum". I got really pissed off then and told her that I wouldn't be spoken to like that, I wasn't accepting her request, end of (as she has a habit of having to have the last word all of the time, which my nan taught me that that is not acceptable).

I hate rudeness like this as I would never dream of saying the stuff she says to me to any other adult now, let alone when I was 12. So AIBU to not want to talk to her?

OP posts:

JaneiteIsTrite · 01/01/2010 19:45

Why is she on FB? Tis illegal, non? I think letting children on FB inevitably leads to stuff like this.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 01/01/2010 19:46

and yawn.

OtterMingOo · 01/01/2010 19:48

How old are you? 14?

Original poster

Brunettelady · 01/01/2010 19:49

What, I am a child for wanting someone to use manners.

OP posts:

Metatron · 01/01/2010 19:50

She is never going to treat you as a respected adult because you are her sister and regardless of age difference/half/full status you are her peer in her eyes.

madamearcati · 01/01/2010 19:53

You sound younger than her TBH

BarbieLovesKen · 01/01/2010 19:55

presume you are approx 13. yes?

Original poster

Brunettelady · 01/01/2010 19:56

TBH, yes I know I am being a bit petty, but when she continuously speaks to me like she does, it makes me not want to talk to her. I don't see how wanting someone to show a few manners makes me seem younger than her.

OP posts:

JaneiteIsTrite · 01/01/2010 19:57

You are the adult. It is not your place to be 'lol'ing on FB with a 12 year old, or sulking when she's rude to you. You should be working with your dad and her mum to continue to teach her boundaries of acceptable behaviour. Because, instead, you are on here sniffing about her, it makes you sound a bit immature tbh.

amialoneinthisone · 01/01/2010 19:57

You started it!

BooHooo · 01/01/2010 19:58

This is pathetic

Heqet · 01/01/2010 19:59

Yes. An adult does not stop speaking to a child because they are behaving like a, well, child!

If she has no manners, be an example. Teach her.

Don't stoop to her level. Next you'll be be saying "No, that's you that is."

Just tell her off, when she's rude, like you did, and move on. Be the adult in the relationship.

But you are sisters at the end of the day, and sisters are not always polite to one another.

Ask mine!

ElfieDee · 01/01/2010 19:59

Facebook is the rooth of all evil caused me shit thats for sure .....

Original poster

Brunettelady · 01/01/2010 20:02

I HAVE tried to teach her manners etc and told her that it is not an acceptable way to speak to people but she says she is sticking up for herself and other crap that I can't remember. I have tried to be the adult but as she clearly can't take any form of 'guidance' I can't really be bothered anymore.

OP posts:

GoldQuintessenceAndMyrrh · 01/01/2010 20:03

So as her big sister, it is not in your place to show her by example what conastitutes good manners? You are not exactly showing her are you, if you are goading her on facebook? I would say you sound as bad as her, worse even as you are the adult, and she is the child.

BarbieLovesKen · 01/01/2010 20:04

Lol at amIaloneinthisone

thelunar66 · 01/01/2010 20:07

God. Bloody facebook. Again.

Does anyone bother to speak verbally to one another anymore?

BoysAreLikeDogs · 01/01/2010 20:08

think back all those years (four perhaps???) to when you were 12, and a complete know-it-all big-head and rise above it

Original poster

Brunettelady · 01/01/2010 20:08

I have showed her good manners, on facebook I was actually having a joke with her, which I made clear, then she cam eout with her very rude comment.

Also, as her big sister, I have recently been trying to teach her about saying thank you when someone gives you something, but that is totally alien to her apparently, I just really don't see why I should carry on trying to teach her when she is getting worse and worse with her behaviour in general.

OP posts:

OtterMingOo · 01/01/2010 20:10

shown, not showed, btw.

Original poster

Brunettelady · 01/01/2010 20:10

I have never been a 'big head know it all' due to complete lack of confidence and my step grandad was far too strict for me to ever be like that and talk back to anyone.

OP posts:

notanumber · 01/01/2010 20:12

Well if someone kept saying that they weren't going to accept me as a FB friend, no matter how jokingly, I'd probably get a bit pissed off too.

Why should she be polite to you if you can't do her the decency of telling her straight that you think her (perfectly reasonable FB friend request) is rude but mess about with "lol" and "jokey" comments, which are actually thinly disguised tellings-off.

You goaded her into being rude and now you're feeling all smug and vindicated because you've been proved right.

Also, she is twelve. Give her a break, for crying out loud. Being surly and self-centred at times is practically in the job description. Were you always a paragon of good manners at that age?

notanumber · 01/01/2010 20:14

Sounds like your upbringing wasn't always easy at times. Do you want her to learn good manners at the cost of "complete lack of confidence", like you did?

KurriKurri · 01/01/2010 20:15

I think squabbling on facebook with a little girl sounds like an awful waste of time.

You want her to respect you because you are older, she resents being told what to do by her sister. Decide what you want to be in her life. Big sister, friend or whatever, and don't get hung up over a bit of silly pre-teenage cheek. A good relationship with a sister can be a wonderful thing, and you have a chance to make one.

Original poster

Brunettelady · 01/01/2010 20:16

Yes I did have good manners as her age, my step grandad wouldn't have allowed me to be any other way. Plus I used to look after my younger sister (not the one from the OP) and 2 small brothers so I always had to be 'the grown up'. And I didn't keep telling her, I said it twice, I have told her straight before but if she starts to tell me to fuck off like she does her own mother, then I will get even more pissed off.

OP posts:

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