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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be hurt and upset at this?

8 replies

NickNemo · 01/01/2010 16:03

Sorry, this may be a little long! Basically the background is that I have this cousin who I used to get along with fine when we were younger. She moved to the UK once she was married a few years back and I was pretty hospitable to her, despite having a baby and a full time job and living a ways away. I used to be her go-to person when her husband was away. Anyway, she showed up uninvited to my place this one time when I had my mother-in-law staying, and was pretty much demanding throughout. She refused to eat the food I made, and made me cook separately for her, sat on the computer all day long, ignored my husband and mom-in-law... we all made a huge effort for her, but she persisted in being a complete brat! Finally she went back and had the cheek to post on FB about how she would kill herself than live in the country like some people... it really hurt me!

To cut a long story short, I was polite to her even after all this as I did not want to cause a rift in the family (her dad's the unofficial 'head' of the family!!) Recently I found out that she had taken me off her facebook account. I thought it was a mistake, and added her again, but got the message soon enough. She's still friends with my mum and sister. On Christmas, I found that she had sent a e-greeting to the whole family, including my mum and sister but not to me... she knows for a fact I would find this out. I was unbearably hurt at this! DH thinks I should cut all ties with her and that she's acting like a spoilt child, but I still feel hurt and used. AIBU?

OP posts:
Earlybird · 01/01/2010 16:06

Forget her and move on. She is adding nothing to your life, and has done nothing to 'thank' you for all the effort made on her behalf. All the 'thanks' you are getting is being hurt by her.

Spend your time/energy on someone who appreciates you, and who will make an effort to give something back.

TheChristmasHolyHoneypeckle · 01/01/2010 16:06

I think your DH is right. She sounds like a bitch and she's not worth you being upset over!

bellissima · 01/01/2010 16:09

Well from your story I would definitely say YANBU. She does sound like someone with an ingrained superiority complex who is being plain rude. I would maintain a dignified silence rather than complaining about her to any relatives though. In other words, effectively cut ties as your DH as suggested but just don't publicise it. Have a good year and don't waste your time thinking about her.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 01/01/2010 16:10

YABU as you don't seem to like her anyway.

NickNemo · 01/01/2010 16:17

Fab, honestly I don't like her very much, and neither does DH, but I have always been really polite and helpful to her with everything. I don't moan about her to anyone, and cheerfully put her up when she wants to come over (which is often, as her husband travels a lot, and she says she cannot possibly stay by herself!)
I cook special meals for her, as she eats meat and we are vegetarians (she doesn't like vegetables).

Basically after all this, to be treated like this really hurts, and she is now turning some of the family against me, which is upsetting too!

OP posts:
BooHooo · 01/01/2010 16:20

How rude! I can't believe what she put on FB

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 01/01/2010 16:22

Yes, I can see you are hurt but just let it go. Family doesn't equal friendship or that you all have to do the same thing and like the same people.

Goblinchild · 01/01/2010 16:23

"I don't moan about her to anyone, and cheerfully put her up when she wants to come over (which is often, as her husband travels a lot, and she says she cannot possibly stay by herself!)"

Your OH is right, just cut your ties, be unavailable but stay civil and reasonable.
That way she gets dumped, but you keep the high moral ground, and can mend the rifts she's trying to make in your extended family.
If you behave like a doormat, she will continue to wipe her feet on you.
I'm also not surprised that her husband travels a lot.

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