to think it is wrong to bribe someone to give up their parental rights?

[ToFalalalola]

Some friends of mine are trying to adopt a baby in the US (she is American and they live in Florida). They have been fostering a child for over a year, and the birth mother has already signed away her parental rights to allow them to adopt. They need both birth parents to do this, and say that they are expecting the birth father to sign his rights away within the next month or so.

The reason why they are so confident that it will go through is that the birth father is in jail and apparently gets 'incentives' to sign the child over. e.g. preferential treatment inside, reduced sentence etc.

I was when I heard this, but they say it is normal there. Am I being unreasonable to find it scarily fascist morally dubious to basically bribe someone who's in prison to give up their child? Where does bribery end and coercion begin?

I am not saying that this particular child may not be better off with my friends...they will be amazing parents and they love the child desperately, but the idea that the state can put pressure like this on someone to give up a child just seems wrong to me.

AIBU?

Good grief. Really? Pragmatic those Yanks.

I understand where you are coming from but ultimately the choice is still his.

It does sound a bit strange. I'm assuming that they do this in the best interests of the child. By that I mean that the child will have a permanent loving home and have permanent parents in the adoptive family.

Wow.

Is that true? Do they really do that in America?

[Am impressed by how hard "pragmatic" is working in missingtheaction's post.]

[modest emoticon]

Yes me too liking 'pragmatic' .

My DS says she doesn't see anything wrong with it as it's in the 'best interests of the child'. Which in this particular case, I'm sure it is, but somehow reminds me of the 'adoption' of babies born to political prisoners in Argentina by families deemed loyal to the State...

SimpleasABC you're right of course, it is still his choice, but I imagine that one must be pretty vulnerable to pressure/offers of 'incentives' when in prison.

The american adoption system is screwed up beyond belief. So no, yanbu of course but it doesn't suprise me. I'm sure the child will be better off with your friends but that's hardly the point is it!

Bloody hell!!

That is just so wrong.

Sounds fair enough to me.

I mean, look at it this way, if someone is willing to give up all rights to their own flesh and blood just to have a slightly better life for the few years they spend in prison, they dont deserve to be parents. I would suffer to any lengths rather than give up my kids, any parent worthy of the title would I am sure.

If someone would take incentives over their kids when they are inside, what would they be willing to 'sell' their kids for when they get out? Doesnt bear thinking about.

coercion seems to be a feature of the US legal system - all that plea bargaining and so on.

Wonder how the kids feel when they grow up and realise their parents were leaned on to sign them away?

Know someone who adopted from the US, and the reason the birth parents kept going through the appeal process wasn't because they were actually contesting the children being adopted, but rather that once they were adopted, their housing benefit and various other benefits would stop.

Think it varies from state to state though.

Quite shocking.

However, some would say that if you do the crime, it's fair that you lose quite a few rights... that opens a whole 'nother can of worms though really...

That does not sound like the sort of thing that should be happening in a civilised society.

Mind you I feel that way about the death penalty too.