Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To consider moving jobs whilst TTC?

28 replies

AxisofEvil · 31/12/2009 10:33

We've been TTC our first child for a year now and I am now on drugs to kick start ovulation. I've just turned 32, having progressed well in my professional field. I'm well respected in my company and ambitious but am now a bit bored with my current job.

I've been approached recently by a contact about a job at another company which I have a good CV for. It would be a promotion from my current job and would be more money. I think I would have a reasonable chance of getting the job if I went for it. It would most likely be a couple of years minimum before I could get a similar job internally, if ever. Both the current and potential job would have roughly similar hours and stress levels. If we manage to concieve then I would intend to take 6 months off as maternity leave and then return full time regardless of where I am although I appreciate you can't decide that 100% in advance. If it wasn't for the TTC I'd definitely go for it.

Due to the TTC I haven't been actively looking to move jobs but part of me is loathe to let this opportunity pass so currently I'm thinking of letting them see my CV and having an initial meeting. Particularly as we're not having much luck and it would be a shame if another year or two down the track we're no further on and I've let career opportunities pass me by. If I fell pregnant before getting to a job offer stage I'd withdraw my application. But if I were offered the job and wasn't pregnant then if I wanted to accept I'd probably stop actively TTC (ie stop the drugs) for my notice period of 3 months as I'd expect they'd make me work it. Then after a month or two in job we'd probably start the drugs again. However this could potentially mean going off on maternity leave within a year of starting a new job. There is also a small chance I could start work pregnant which would mean missing out on contractual maternity pay but that wouldn't make a major financial impact to us.

So I'm a bit torn - on the one hand I want to be "fair" to a new employer and turning up intending to get pregnant quickly doesn't fit with that but on the other hand I'm unkeen to let my career fester over TTC which might never come good. If I'm being honest I'm also a little resentful that it is my DH who is keen on children rather than me yet it is my career that will most likely take the hits. This may well all of course be totally academic as I might decide I don't want the job or they may well decide they don't want me. But if they do, would I be unreasonable if I went ahead as I'm thinking?

OP posts:

emsyj · 31/12/2009 10:39

YANBU in my opinion. Life goes on and career goes on, the two shouldn't be mutually exclusive. I also wouldn't withdraw an application if you fell pregnant part way through the recruitment process. If they are so keen on you and want you to join, it would be immensely short-sighted of them to care about the short period that you would be absent on maternity leave.

I started my current job on 1st June this year and will start maternity leave on 28th May next year, so I'll have been there a bit less than a year by the time I go off. I have not had any negative feedback whatsoever on my pregnancy, in fact my department head congratulated me at the Christmas party and said how much she regretted 'leaving it too late' and that it was wonderful that I was having a baby - I got the same from the HR manager (who has also never had children). Nobody will begrudge you a family, and if they do then they're horrible and you've done nothing wrong.

Go for the job - good luck. Chances are you'll get it and then immediately fall pregnant - how lucky would that be? A great job AND a baby on the way.

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 31/12/2009 10:46

my friend started work pregnant, she didnt think she would get Maternity pay, she did, she went back after the this for about a month - realised she wanted to be SAHM and left

I'm a bit about you feeling resentful about TTC when you are having fertility treatment but you are not the one keen to have a child, its your DH (isn't there a huge waiting list of people desperate to have children?). You both have to want this - seriously, i know a couple who split up because she wanted a baby and he went along for the ride. Also, why does it have to be your career that takes the hits, it sounds like you have a good job so why can't you manage between you both equally or he become a SAHD??

llareggub · 31/12/2009 10:47

Yes, what emsyj said.

Good luck with the drugs!

notsotinybaba · 31/12/2009 10:49

Agree with emsyj. YANBU. It's not ideal telling a new employer that you're pregnant if you've not been there very long, but you sound very reasonable to me (withdrawing if you get pregnant before job offer stage, delaying a few months if you're not pregnant). It might be worth bearing in mind though that you might not be entitled to full maternity pay etc??

I was terrified of losing my career as I worked so hard to get where I was. As it turns out, I love being a mum so much that I've had a whole year off and I'm gutted to be going back to work next week

Good luck!! x

vintagesocks · 31/12/2009 10:54

even if you weren't ttc, you (or another woman going into that job) might get pg on day one - if they're a sensible employer, they'll realise the human race has to go on!

I didn't go for a job for that very reason (well, not ttc, was a few weeks pg already) and when I did move on 18 months later and told the boss what I'd done, she was most peed off with me for not having moved - said she could have done with me, pg or not - so there is another side to that coin!

FloraPost · 31/12/2009 11:03

Go for the job. I put off moving jobs for ages for the same reasons as you describe, but with hindsight wish I hadn't waited. Where I am now it works out that you get full maternity rights if conception is 6 months after you take up the post, which isn't that long in ttc terms. Good luck!

Original poster

AxisofEvil · 31/12/2009 11:04

Thanks for the responses so far.

Ijustwanttoask - our fertility treatment is 100% self funded via a private clinic so I'm not depriving anyone of treatment instead. I do want to get pregnant but I don't feel desperate to get there. DH is much more broody. I don't resent having the treatment and I'm not suggesting that I am going to go "mummy track" long term as this isn't a childcare issue, but I resent a little that I'm having to limit my career options now and (if things go well) whilst pregnant/on ML/TTC no 2/pregnant with no 2/on ML. Which does mean in the best will in the world there will be about a 4 year period when I'm having to have less career progression and have less choices than I would otherwise. Its a biological fact that DH doesn't face these challenges so directly and can continue to push onwards and upwards.

OP posts:

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 31/12/2009 11:16

It is frustrating that men don't have their careers affected the same way as women do. But in all honesty, i think that most women choose to rein back their careers when they have children. That might be an unpopular point of view and i don't think they should HAVE to, but most do, by choice. I say this because of my own personal chioce - i was offered a job when i was pregnant with dd, i was just finishing my PhD. I told the guy i was pregnant, he said - OK, fine, come back and see me when you have had the baby and we'll talk again - i was and said, i fully intend to work full time when the baby is born thankyou very much. I just wasn't prepared for my feelings when DD was born, i knew the minute i saw her that i would be a SAHM. So, really, you just never know how you are going to feel. Your priorities change when those little babies come along - its in the hormones i tell ya! I am not saying you will not want to progress your career, but im willing to bet that any resentment you feel about it possibly not being so full on as it is now will fly straight out of the window when the baby is here.

Best of luck with TTC and the new job x

StealthPolarBear · 31/12/2009 11:25

This is something I've been thinking about too, not applicable to me any more as family complete. I came to the conclusion that if you are the right person for the job then you still will be when your ML ends. go for it. men wouldn't worry about this stuff, they'd say "this stuff happens", and they'd be right.
Good luck with both possible new job and ttc!

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/12/2009 11:25

apply for new job and see what happens tcc

you can not put your life/job on hold for something that may not happen/take a while

good luck with both tcc+job

scottishmummy · 31/12/2009 11:29

now you are ttc,start to look at nurseries informally now.good ones have long waiting lists.make provisional plans about job,mat leave,return to work.and see how things pan out for you

maintain reading and contacts whilst on mat leave.

and good luck ttc

Original poster

AxisofEvil · 31/12/2009 11:31

Scottishmummy - we'd have to have a nanny (which I've looked into the costs of and expensive as it is would be doable) as nursery wouldn't work for us.

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 31/12/2009 11:35

do so hope you realise your hopes.good luck

June2009 · 31/12/2009 11:37

op, any employer who employs a woman in her thirties is aware that there is a chance she may fall pregnant, that's life.
I'm not sure employers are allowed to ask you whether you are ttc (wasn't there somehting in the news about Alan Sugar asking a candidate a few years back?).
If you don't go for this job will you end up resenting dh for it?

Just as itjustwant said, you don't know how you'll feel about going back to work once the baby is here (Even if you think you know now.)
Do know, though that even if you stop the drug for your notice period you are still at risk to fall pregnant then, even if highly unlikely. It does happen.

scottishmummy · 31/12/2009 11:41

good to be thinking about nanny and childcare now.get it all sorted

StealthPolarBear · 31/12/2009 11:42

NO they can't ask if you are ttc!! They can't even ask anything that might hint along those lines - married? Got children etc

StealthPolarBear · 31/12/2009 11:42

well actually that's a lie, they can ask what the hell they like but they'd be setting themselves up for a big sex discrimination case if they did and they should know that!

scottishmummy · 31/12/2009 11:43

but if you do on call etc they can ask if you can meet the varying hours of job.but not the specifics of are you ttc/do you have children

Original poster

AxisofEvil · 31/12/2009 11:50

I've had interview training and what we were told was that you never ask about family plans/situation for sex discrimination reasons. Even if you had a woman who was clearly pregnant in front of you we were told not to even mention it.

All of that said I think in some jobs it can be a little simplistic to say that if you're the right person now you will still be after ML. Ultimately if I were to turn up somewhere pregnant and so was there for a matter of months and then could take up to a year off that would be very disruptive for the business, particularly for senior positions.

OP posts:

LittleSilver · 31/12/2009 13:58

AxisofEvil I interviewed at 28 weeks pg and not one member of the panel menioned my (extremely obvious) bump.

I got the job. I started at 32 weeks and finished at 39+6. It can work out.

Oh yes, and job before that I was 39 weeks when I started (don't ask. Like I said,it CAN woek out.

santasmagicnappysack · 31/12/2009 15:38

YANBU to take the job. If you wait until after you've had a baby then IMHE you will find it much more difficult to take the next step up the career ladder. Mat leave is only 12 months, they'll have plenty of work out of you over the years.

SE13Mummy · 31/12/2009 16:06

I started a new job whilst not using contraception but also not expecting to get pregnant (I'd had a series of miscarriages plus an ectopic which required emergency surgery and had been told I was unlikely to conceive again). One month in to my new job and I discovered I was pregnant! I went on maternity leave 7 months into my new job and no-one seems to mind. It probably helps my cause that a couple of others got pregnant shortly afterwards and made the most enormous fuss about everything e.g. trying to claim that report-writing (we're teachers) was excessive work for a pregnant woman . It made me look ultra-helpful and sensible when I just got on with things.

digitalgirl · 31/12/2009 16:53

I was offered a job at 9 weeks pg. I told them and offered my new boss the opportunity to reconsider the offer (mainly because they were a start up and it seemed like the fairest thing to do). They were happy to have me for 7 months, if the recession hadn't hit them they would have taken me back after ML no problem.

Go for the job if it's right for you. Re-assess your situation/feelings once you get pg, but making a career decision based on you maybe getting pg isn't good for morale especially if it takes another 6 months.

And as others have said you may change your priorities once your baby is born. I also only expected to take 6 months off, stating we'd only saved for 6 months and that I needed to return for financial reasons. As it turned out I'd managed to scrape an extra 2 months ML and then took on part-time freelance work. There's no career advancement with freelancing but the work/life balance is perfect for me for now. We're TTC#2, I'm not looking for a permanent job, but if I were to be offered one that I could do part-time I wouldn't say no.

Petsville · 31/12/2009 17:07

Definitely apply. We've been TTC for four years: if I'd put my career on hold all that time I'd really be kicking myself now. You'll really end up resenting your husband if you limit yourself now to do something that he's keener on that you are. Nothing's set in stone - if you feel differently after having a baby you can't be dragged back to work in chains.

NightShoe · 31/12/2009 19:44

Do it! We had been TTC for a year and no joy, I was very unhappy in my job. Moved across the country to job I had always dreamed of, dragging DH with me and hey presto, pregnant within 6 weeks. Everyone was very happy for me and it never caused any problems.

Flip

1 2