Issy-pleased to hear that you had a better day yesterday.
I don't mean to burst your bubble about the fact that 'he asked for your wine but didn't drink it'....you do need to wise up about how the alcoholic behaviour kicks in - of course he 'didn't drink that wine' but then he went to the pub 'for a couple of pints' as though that somehow makes it all ok.
You will never ever outwit an active alcoholic. He will have alcohol hiding all over the place; he will lock himself in the loo for hours on end, he will nurse whatever he is drinking-not letting it our of his sight for one second. And if he needs to go anywhere, that drink will be knocked back in one.
My EH went from beer to wine to vodka with coke....but that became so dilute with vodka that it was a bit pointless - so then he mixed the vodka with milk to make everyone think that he was drinking 'just milk'....oh the behaviour got worse but I have said enough about all that for now.
I am out of that madness now and you are in the thick of it. I was exactly where you are now 6 years ago with a newborn DD - it was her birth that helped to speed up EH's descent down the pit. He really couldn't handle the responsibility of being a new parent.
An awful lot of the mad behaviour that manifest itself then can now be explained - but I also recognise my part in the mad behaviour as well; that was very very hard to accept because after all, I was not the one with the problem!! But I was suckered into appeasing him, bailing him out time and time again-either by buying alcohol so I could control how much he was drinking (how stupid was that?), giving him money 'cos he never seemed to have any, and then by taking on his responsibilities, and accepting more and more intolerable behaviour. He became obsessed with where his next drink was coming from and I became obsessed with his behaviour .
I had absolutely no idea - because by then I was a recluse, not going out or seeing my friends because it was pride and self preservation from letting on to them how shit our lives were.
By the end, he drank at home - 24/7 when he lost his job and from then on I had 3 years of sheer hell. But I cannot praise Al Anon enough - it helped me to get out of that pit, and to realise that there was absolutely nothing I could do about getting him out too - that was His responsibility, not mine. I learnt to detach from the alcoholic behaviour, not from the person underneath it. And I learned to start looking after both myself a DD.