is dp being unreasonable?

[just1moreplease]

firstly let me apologise in advance, this may be long.

dp and i have lived together for 18 mnths. he moved in with me and my 2dc.

my relationship with dc father was a disaster and he left me up to my eyeballs in debt.

because of this i am fiercely independant financially. dp knows this and respects it.

when he moved in we agreed that he would pay x amount towards the running of the house.

this arrangement has been fine. the way i see it is if he decides to up and leave 2moro it would have a very minimal effect on us money wise.

so, the point of my thread...i wrk pt time, dp works full time. a few times recently dp has made comments on things not being done around the house. some of his jeans not been washed, blah blah blah.

i told him if he wants things done he should maybe learn to do them himself. his answer was that as he works full time i should be doing ALL the house work.

my reply was 'well you dont work to support me, so no i wont be doing everything'

he has really taken offence at this and i cant see why.

he is very generous with his money when it comes to me, dc and our home so this really isnt a character assasination and i dont want to hear i should be making him pay more etc etc. i am very happy with the financial arrangement as it is.

so is he being unreasonable?

poinsettydawg i work 9.30-2.30 monday-friday. i take dc to breakfast club 8.15 staight to work then pick them up again at 3.15.

i have about 20 min before they get home to have nosey on here put some washing on, quick tidy up or whatevrr.

the majority of the time the house work is done and there is no problems. but recently dp's attitude toward me has changed and he now expects things to be done.

i dont think he has the right to tell me what housework should or should not be done, regardless of how much i rely on him financially.

have a candid talk before any baby or sahm aspirations.you both need to be clear on what it is you can compromise upon, and what is absolute

or dont rely as the case may be.

oh, I misread somewhere along the line. Didn't realise you worked 5 days a week. He needs to do his share then.

He's definatley bu. When he was living by himself I am assuming you didn't do all of the housework at his house. I think its a period of reajustment for all. If you can afford it get a cleaner , put him in charge of a couple of specific jobs and you can all enjoy the extra time.

thanks again for the replies.

had a chat with dp. told him how i feel about the the way he has been acting.

he says that he hasnt even meant most of the things he said. he says he was just being a bit moody.

i suppose now he knows my feelings on the subject of housework!

well, my DP works full time, more than full time actually as he has his own business. I am SAHM, he woudlnt DARE moan at me for things not being done. I do his washing, why wouldnt i, i do everyones washing, but sometimes i dont get round to it and DP has to ask for things, but he knows better than to question me

Regardless of how close you intend to be, don't rush into having the joint bank account. In nearly 23 years together, dp and I have never, ever shared a bank account, and our finances (and relative contributions to household) are just fine.