to not do this for my SIL

[MummikinsOopNorth]

My MIL and SIL and her family was supposed to come around for Christmas. No word all day til 2 days later when yesterday she called and said she would be round to exchange presents. We stayed in all day waiting, and nothing. My family felt hurt and upset that we meant so little that a little phone call to say they wouldn't be coming was far too much trouble for them.

In my line of work I am able to get coach tickets for day excursions. I am sending my MIL and her partner on an excursion (lasting half a day) as a christmas present and now my SIL has asked me if there is any spaces so she can go. There are, but I told her there isn't as i'm still bitter about them standing us up at Christmas. I don't think she will ever be able to find out otherwise that there are still places available, but am I being mean?

YANBU in my opinion, it is your present for MIL. But if you dislike feeling a bit mean, you could always say that you can't get any other tickets but she is welcome to try the normal channels.

Why would you want to do someone so rude and inconsiderate a favour?

Did you tell them you were all put out by them not phoning or showing up (how rude!) ? You shouldn't let these things fester, if you haven't already get it off your chest in a factual "I wanted to let you know how I feel kind of way", better still, get your DH to do it, they are his family after all.

So your MIL sounds equally as crap as your SIL, but yet MIL is still getting her present?

I can see why you're hacked off with them, but withholding the trip isn't going to achieve anything if the SIL doesn't know you could have got the ticket. Seems more sensible to just tell her that you were hurt by her lack of communication and the no-show and please, next time, can she let you know her plans.

eh?

what they did would piss me off mightily

what pathetic excuse did they come up with for the no-show on Xmas Day ?

had you bought extra stuff/catered for them and everything ?

I would be telling them to stuff the tickets where the sun don't shine, tbh

yanbu

YANBU, absolutely not - but do you think that there possibly could have been a misunderstanding? Thats the only excuse i can think of for such inconsiderate behaviour!

What you've said sounds like inconsiderate behaviour, but why didn't you contact them to see if you'd got the arrangements right/if they were OK, for so long? Wasn't even your OH worried why they hadn't turned up?

Who doesn't turn up on Christmas Day without phoning to apologise??? (Or indeed any day but especially Christmas). Have they explained why they didn't call? Was it meant to be a 15 minute pop-in v. staying for the day?

Why did you not call them when they failed to show up? They were very unreasonable if they made definite arrangements and then just didn't show but you are also coming across as a bit passive-agressive if you waited in all day without comtacting them to see if everything was all right? I assume when you say they were coming to exchange gifts that is was more of a pop-in for 30 mins visit rather than staying to eat with you?

I agree with those saying that they'd have phoned and asked why they hadn't come, and explained you'd stayed in especially for them. I don't have people "poppingin" though for this reason. If people say they're visiting me I want to know when and tell them I plan to go out at some time, mind you friends and family know we're in and out of the house like yoyos so wouldn't find this surprising.
I would just explain to SIL that the trip is a present for partner and MIL and it would be nice for them to have some time together, and maybe she can arrange a coach trip for her and MIL another time rather than muscling in on this trip.