Am I doing anything wrong???

[PassthePot]

A few months ago, I got a message out of the blue from an ex on facebook. Nothing suggestive, just a "hi, how you been?" type message. I replied but kept it brief.

DP was not at all happy and told me not to contact him anymore I said I wouldn't go out of my way to contact him but if he got in touch, I wasn't going to ignore him.

Anyway, quite a few weeks later, he got in touch again. I replied.

we have since been chatting about "stuff in general" and DP has found out and has hit the roof. I'm not going to stop talking to him just because of HIS insecurities! he has his ex on his facebook page anyway!!

Am I doing anything wrong here??

Nope not doing anything wrong.

Your DH is being weird.

No, you're not doing anything wrong. But if it upsets your husband why pursue it? is it worth it?

because I'm sick of him ordering me around. Half the time I just do this shit to piss him off because he tries to control me so much.

Tell him you'll stop replying once he's allowed you to vet all his facebook contacts and remove any that you don't want him in contact with either.

But it sounds as if this is a bigger issue than Facebook.

Have you asked him calmly why there's one rule for you and one for him RE; his ex is his friends on f/b???

Why are you with someone who tries to control you so much that you resort to childish tactics like trying to piss him off? Sounds like a very destructive relationship to me.

If you are not actually married, I don't think he has a particular hold over you.

You haven't promised to forsake all others, have you?

Your ex sounds like the least of your issues.

ok, sorry - didn't realise he was generally a controlling, bully.

in which case, as Morloth says, sounds like a destructive relationship that you should get the hell out of ASAP

mvemjsunp are you implying that if they were married, he would be allowed to tell her who she can and cannot speak to?

OP - I wouldn't be having it, I'm afraid. I don't like anyone telling me what to do, let alone some man.

Why not? They are two free agents.

You didn't answer my question.

Were you implying that because they are not married, he has no right to tell her what to do.... whereas if they were married, he would have every right to do so?

Right, because anything except marriage is crap and fake, yes?

Have you been chatting a lot with your ex? Could your DP be feeling that you are telling him things that you should be sharing with him?

I would not be happy about DH being in touch with an ex. But this goes both ways, so to be fair you should both delete your ex partners from your FB if one of you has a problem with the continuing contact.

How is he controlling in other ways? That is the real issue here, not FB

You are not doing anything particularly wrong but it isn't going to help your relationship to be petty and deliberately piss off your DP. It should be up to you whether or not you stay in contact with this ex - and your DP can't have it one way for himself and another way for you - but between you, you need to sort out whether or not your relationship is actually worth the hassle it appears to be.

I don't think you are doing anything wrong, but as you have admitted you are doing it partly to piss your OH off I think you need to seriously question whether the relationship is right for you. I wouldn't want to be with someone who I felt controlled me.

I didn't mention the converse, SH.

I think you should have taken your DH's feelings into consideration. His dislike of you speaking to an ex isn't really much of a sign that he's controling. You knew he wouldn't like it but you carried on behind his back. Would have been better for you to have been open about it.