to expect my DB to show some interest in my DC?

[softhoney]

My DB who I rarely see (last saw him 2 years ago with no phone calls since) has never bothered with my DC who are his only niece and nephews. We used to get on pretty well but since I had children (eldest is 11) we have just kind of stopped talking. He is 35 with a good job and lifestyle, but has never shown any interest in my children has never remembered their bday, christmas or even sent me a card when any of them were born. He has never met my youngest and only seen my middle child once (he is now 4).

I used to send him cards etc for bday and christmas, but gradually I got more and more annoyed and hurt that he never bothered with my DC and just stopped sending them. He is a bit anti-marriage and not really into children, but he has a long term DP and seems reas happy with her.

So AIBU to have expected more from him? Are some people just like this? And should I just write him off and accept that he will never be a 'proper' uncle to my DC? I will prob see him next year at a family gathering, but I feel so disappointed in him that I don't really feel like speaking to him at all even though there has been no bad words or argument. What would you do? Can you have a relationship with someone who appears to not care about your DC or am I expecting too much because he just has no interest in children?

I think you just have to accept that, for whatever reason, he isn't interested in your children. It sounds like you don't really have a relationship with him anyway tbh, so maybe it's more that he doesn't feel that you have much in common now.

My brother has seen ds twice in 3.5 years, and didn't acknowledge his birth at all, or send birthday presents. His choice though.

My db is much younger than me in his 20's and if dm didn't get pressies etc from him for the dcs he would probably forget.He only tends to see thge dcs rarely (even when we were in the same city).I put it down to him being of a different agegroup,a young single guy and children are not really on his radar.Having said that when he does come by,Christmas etc,he is very loving and plays with the dcs.I just think that maybe if you are a single guy not in regular contact with children this is how it can be.I don't resent db,I'm in late 30's and wasn't a children person until I had my own.Maybe when/if he has children of his own things will improve.

You could have written this about my brother - when he comes to visit (last time was last Christmas), he takes an interest in DS and plays with him/helps him with Lego etc but he takes no interest in him otherwise. No card when he was born, no acknowledgement of his birthdays or Christmas. I could count on two fingers the number of presents he has given him (DS is 6) but accept that that's how he is. He is the most self-absorbed person I have ever met. We have a relationship of sorts - albeit a distant one - but I know not to count on him for anything or to expect anything.

yabu.

My family as a whole do not show any interest in my child,

Individually they are just not into kids, i dont expect anything SO im not disapointed...on the surface. (in my head i think "what the fuck is up with you, you bunch of self centred, selfish twats)

my DB rarely see's the dd's, he has never bought them anything for birthdays or x-mas. When we do see him he is great with the dd's, i don't like having him in my house because i believe he is involved with drugs. He lives 5 miles away but i havn't seen him since June (and that was only for 10 minutes), he's a waist of space.

Thanks guys -Mavis I appreciate that not everyone is into children but an occasional thought wouldn't go amiss or a little pressie at christmas. You can hardly forget christmas! If he ever has children (doubt he will as he has been vocal about not wanting any, I would find it diff to show interest in his DC when he hasn't bothered with mine - unfair i know)

Dibbler, your DB sounds like mine, it's their choice but sometimes I feel v hurt by it all esp as he is their only uncle.