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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wish dp had some mates who would come and knock for him

38 replies

southeastastra · 27/12/2009 20:07

to go out

i think he needs more male company than he gets

OP posts:

softhoney · 27/12/2009 20:28

You sound thoughtful. Do any of your friends have male partners who could invite him out?

Marne · 27/12/2009 20:35

my dh is the same, i would love for him to pop out to the pub with a mate but he's happy having no friends. He has friends through work but they are not the type to go out for a drink with.

mazzystartled · 27/12/2009 20:38

lol
i am always trying to fix dh up with neighbouring blokes
i think a few more pints in the local boozer would make him a happier man

Original poster

southeastastra · 27/12/2009 20:39

no i don't honey, he has a few good mates but they haven't spoken for about three years just wandered off. feel bad for dp

OP posts:

Marne · 27/12/2009 20:40

does he mind? my dh is not bothered at all, dh finds it hard to trust people so would rather not have close friends.

Original poster

southeastastra · 27/12/2009 20:43

i think he finds it boring - he's 50

OP posts:

Twinkleandpearls · 27/12/2009 20:44

My dp is a bit like that as well, and it really does not bother him. Some people are just wired differently I guess.

thatsnotmymonster · 27/12/2009 20:46

My dh is the same and so are many of my friend's dhs.

Why are so many men so unsociable/too lazy to organise their own social life?

We both used to have lots of friends but we moved when ds was a baby and then had 2 more children. I have worked really hard at making new friendships and now have quite a busy social life, whereas dh doesn't.

YANBU

MavisEnderby · 27/12/2009 20:48

I know what you mean SEA.YANBU

DP has been really poorly for nearly 3 years and all of his so called mates have disappeared.

He can't work

He is tired continuously

He can't manage to get out much,a flight of stairs leaves him breathless.

He is a YOUNG man,only 41.

It breaks my heart.I just wish some of his old muso mates would come round so he could have a bit of a jam with them.He is stuck indoors watching telly 24/7 and is in pain a lot of the time:

mumhadenough · 27/12/2009 20:49

My dh is the same, he doesn't have a lot of "friends", he has acquaintenances from work whom he texts etc, but doesn't really go out for a "pint" as such. He likes it this way and says it doesn't bother him. Says he'd much rather sit and watch telly with me.

I on the other hand have loads of friends, I need friends around me. But because he doesn't go out, I've kind of fallen out of the way of going out with them iykwim.

mumhadenough · 27/12/2009 20:50

acquaintenances acquaintances

Original poster

southeastastra · 27/12/2009 20:54

it is frustrating to me too, he doesn't want to be the first to contact his old friends again though i bet they're all probably sitting at home, with their families, feeling the same

OP posts:

morningpaper · 27/12/2009 20:56

I think this is very normal for men

This is why men are crap at being retired, whereas women run around doing flower arranging with all their chums

onepieceoflollipop · 27/12/2009 20:57

Sometimes this time of year can spark up old friendships.

When I first met dh (8 years ago) he went out every few weeks with mates he had had for years. Since then most of them have settled down with 2-3 little ones (including us) and most seem to neglect their social lives.

However just before Christmas they had a bit of a night out...I hope they arrange something again soon. Imo it is good for all adults to have "outside" company (i.e. not just family/partners) occasionally.

ButterPie · 27/12/2009 21:00

I want a blokey version of here for my bloke. Most of his friends from our old city go on a local forum that dp got himself banned from (long story, he was basically a bit over enthusiastic defending me and misjudged how far he could go) and now we live miles away anyway. Now is when he needs friends as we have two tiny kids and there is all sorts going on in the family.

TLESinChristmasStockings · 27/12/2009 21:15

Ok All of you hand back DP please!!! lol

I have been with him for 4 yrs and he has only once gone out without me, and he was home after an hour then...was a stag do.

he has work acquaintences but no friends to speak of. If we go out we go as a family or not at all...well except when i go out without him which is very rare.

He lost his friends when he left his ex almost 7 years ago.

ButterPie · 27/12/2009 21:26

Oh DP goes out enough, he's out three or four times a week, but down the local pub either by himself or just chatting to whoever happens to be there. He doesn't have any local proper friends though. We are getting married in the summer and he doesn't have a best man

ABetaDad · 27/12/2009 21:27

I don't like going out with blokes. I like going with DW to see joint friends. Going to a pub and drinking with other blokes is boring. Mixed company is better.

Having kids kills social life anyway. I work at home as well which makes it more difficult so I joined a local charity to meet new people. Something like that might be nice.

Interesting that DW got invited to a Mums dinner recenlty by a group of Mums at DSs school. We are new to the town but none of the Dads ever socialise.

ButterPie · 27/12/2009 21:32

I even sent him to the surestart dads group. Apparently it was full of "surestart's target audience" though.

MavisEnderby · 27/12/2009 21:34

What is "sure starts target audience?"

ButterPie · 27/12/2009 21:39

People who have trouble communicsting with their kids and so on. Obviously a very worthy group, but not likely to be immediate friends with DP. He's not snobby, as he had friends from all kind of backgrounds in our old city, but apparently the Dads at the group were just staring into space and occaisionally swearing at the kids or making mildly racist jokes. He tried to make conversation about politics or football, but nothing going.

whyme2 · 27/12/2009 21:40

My dh is really lonely - how are blokes supposed to make friends?
We moved over a year ago and I have made friends ( through lots of effort) but he is struggling.
Before we moved he had loads of friends and now wants to move back again.

Twinkleandpearls · 27/12/2009 21:42

Abeta dp works from home as well, it does make it hard as we are in a new area and in the middle of nowhere.

HohohoBumperlicious · 27/12/2009 21:54

DH is the same but he isn't really bothered. Sometimes though I text my friends and ask them to get their DH's to invite my DH out for a drink. He always has fun when he goes, he is just socially very lazy!

Bothers me more than him though, I like to think he has more people to rely on for his amusement and happiness than me (poor guy).

He is a part-time SAHD too and I wish he would take DD out to do more things as I think she needs more than just him for company.

MavisEnderby · 27/12/2009 21:57

Oh dear.

The only reason I ask is I was in a sure start area and the only people who attended our library story group were very middle class mums!It was a bit of a joke really as none of the target audience.

I suppose in some ways fair play that someof the sweary dads at least TURNED UP.

men and friendships a weird thing.I think a dadnet type thing has been tried before but asn't as active as mn.

I do wish someone would come and do blokey stuff with dp though.He is so depressed atm

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