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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think SIL would phone if change of plan for Boxing Day?

10 replies

andirobobo · 27/12/2009 15:37

Well, I wonder if I am but to me it is courteous to phone / contact someone if arrangements have changed?!

Yesterday we had plans to visit SIL at her fathers house (he is away overseas and she lives in London so was visiting for the festive season). Ages ago we all arranged for me and the DCs and my other SIL and her DH and DS to spend Boxing Day late afternoon / early evening together at FIL's house with the other SIL and her partner. An Aunty was also invited to come and see the children. My poor DH was working and would join later. With me so far?!

This was discussed over various weeks and in emails, but no firm times agreed as we would go with the flow. Fair enough. So on Christmas Day Night when we were all together, we arranged to meet at the FILs house the following afternoon - 2.30 to 3pm. Well the other family members are well known for poor time keeping, so we usually add on an hour to any arrangement to meet! So I turned up at FIL's house after 4pm with the two CD's who were very keen to play with their cousin. But only SIL and Partner were there.

My DD was a bit bored but sat and talked to her Aunty (who is a young 50) and was ok. DS was asleep in my arms. We asked where other BIL and SIL and DN were - apparently they were having a day togther playing with presents! So much for plans eh. I said nothing but planned to go at 6pm as kids were tired but dont see Aunty too often. I asked what they had been upto that day and it appeared that my Aunty (in law) had been round earlier in the day so would not be seeing children later. Fair enough I thought, so it appeared that it was a non event!

I was asked what time DH finished but I said he would be home by 7pm and wanted to watch football (he shouldhave been at match with season ticket but had to work). SO I said we would head back home then. This was all when we arrived around 4pm - so she could have phoned them then and asked when they were coming over. Her partner said he was supposed to be going to pub with BIL so I knew there was no point my DH coming as they wouldnt be there and the match would be over before he got to the pub.

At 5.15pm my SIL phoned the others to see if they were coming up - BIL and the Partner had planned to go to pub to see footie - no problem as we see BIL quite often anyway. SIL appeared at 6.10 on her own and brought some food and was going back for the other two. She then returned at 6.20 with the other two and the kids ate. Shortly after that we then packed up and went home.

I had told them all we were going home then as DH had phoned and I said that no one was here so we were planning on coming home for 6.30 ish.

Next thing the little nephew was getting all upset that we were going as he had not played with my DD - yes I could see that - but if they had stuck to the original arrangement they would have been playing for the last 2 hours - not my fault! I felt a bit sorry for him as it wasnt his fault as he is 5, but his parents or my other SIL who had obviously changed her mind about what was going on but didnt bother to call me - either of them!

SO was I being unreasonable taking my tired kids home who had been up until 10pm the previous night, or should I have left them to play longer? It is a common problem in this side of the family but I tend to make arrangements and keep to them. They quite often plan to do things and then do something else, so I always call to check before I leave home. I didnt yesterday as we had spoken about it less than 24 hours previously! My DCs would have preferred to stay at home ant play with their new stuff rather than sit in a dull house with no toys and no tv for 2 hours!

Go on then - flame me!

OP posts:
myermay · 27/12/2009 15:45

i agree, it's rude of them to not stick to the plan - or at least tell you that they were not coming along.

But i've learnt that some people don't take arrangements particularly serious and don't show much loyalty when plans have been made. Surely food, drink must have been bought?

My sil is a nightmare, i don't even bother to make plans with her anymore, as something better always comes up and she never keeps to arrangements. Some people just don't care much about letting other down. Infact i remember a few yr back, we invited them over for dinner, i got the food in etc and that day she didn't answer my texts or call and didn't show up at our house, my friend saw her and her kids at the local firework display

That's sad for your kids too as i'm sure they were looking forward to it. Just don't bother making plans with them again

Nevergoogle · 27/12/2009 15:46

Nah, fuck'em.

You did the right thing.

No flaming from me.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyrrh · 27/12/2009 15:51

But, really, there were no plans. Only emails ages ago going back and forth, but no firm arrangement.

If you know what they are like, why did YOU not phone up and ask what was happening and try to find out what was going on, and at what time?

TeamEdwardsSparklyBaubles · 27/12/2009 15:54

No flame here.
We have friends like this - and it's a complete pain in the arse. We always add at least 1.5 hours to any arranged time (If we say meet at 10am, they will turn up at 11.30)

bb99 · 27/12/2009 15:57

Nah

My SIL doesn't know how to pick up a phone and plan, organise or tell people when plans have changed.

Drives me fecking nuts, but then she's used to the whole world revolving around her...

andirobobo · 27/12/2009 16:19

Dont feel so bad then - I do think it is great for the kids to play together, and if you listen to BIL that is all he goes on about - keeping the family together but it is all talk and no action (FIL has bogged off with another lady several years after MIL died - fair play to him - but fails to keep in touch with people)- a theme going on here I think!

Gold - firm (for them) plans were made at 9pm on Christmas Day night when we left the SIL's house - I specifically asked what time are we meeting up tomorrow and what food was she taking, so could avoid duplication. I think they had a few bottles to many after we left and couldnt be bothered.

I will learn by my mistakes and leave well alone in future!

OP posts:
muminthemiddle · 27/12/2009 17:34

Wow couldn't qite keep up with all of your post-sorry not feeling 100%, but YANBU it is rude not to either stick to plans or at least tell someone of the alterations.

gingerbreadlatte · 28/12/2009 09:17

why would you be flamed?
Seems they were very rude.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyrrh · 28/12/2009 10:13

So SIL was hosting twice?
First at her own house, then at her fathers house?

I am not surprised she could not be bothered...

andirobobo · 28/12/2009 13:45

gold - no, two SIL's! One - call her A was the one up from London in her 50's and staying at her fathers house - the other (call her B) was doing Christmas Lunch for SIL A and her partner as well as her son and husband and dad.

Tis all a bit confusing I know especially when you try not to use names!

SIL A is a great ideas person but does not follow through. She makes a big uss of trying to organise these types of do's and previously they have been a non-event or never even materialised! I should know better - she talks a good talk.

Anyway they have gone home now, so will ba e afew months before she heads north again.

OP posts:
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