to think that JUST ONCE...

[bb99]

my in-laws could be a bit thoughtful this year about my nuclear family. It's been a shit year in some ways and they've already been crap less than supportive.

BUT as my PILs KNEW what we were having for Xmas day dinner, it would have been thoughtful extraordinary if they could have put enough thought into feeding us, after a 2 hour journey around the M25 in Xmas traffic, to bring the GCs to see them, if they didn't SERVE US UP THE SAME MEAL WE'D HAD THE DAY BEFORE especially as they knew DH wanted something different - he'd even asked for it!

Their other child and GCs have been there for the ENTIRE festive period, but as their family has grown there wasn't any room for us anyway (we were told) so they've basically had a free ride, free heating, free booze (lots) and extra presents. FFS I don't expect any of that, but a SLIGHTLY different meal would have been nice.

Also I don't eat fecking meat so could they actually reheat some frozen veggie concoction from the supermarket so I didn't just get fed veggies and pastry sides for the Boxing Day dinner, which is our equivalent of Xmas day with them as they can't be bothered to spend ACTUAL Xmas day with us cos they're so busy with their favourite GCs and DC. Considering I know the MOST expensive turkey ever known to man was consumed Xmas day by my PILS and SILs family, plus all the booze and free heating they've had AM I BEING UNREASONABLE to expect BETTER CATERING and not just be told to be grateful as I didn't have to cook the fecking dinner. Oh and BTW OUR version of this dinner was MUCH better....

Oh and I ALWAYS cook flesh for them and my family - so I have to cook an extra meal.... And THIS HAS BEEN HAPPENING FOR OVER 10 YEARS NOW - IT IS SOOOO BORING NOW I don't even want to see them next Xmas, but that would upset DH too much. It has mean't I've decided they're going to get packed off to the old folks home if they need help when they're older and sod the old gits (Had been fantasising about a lovely granny annexe...).

Doesn't everyone have leftovers for Boxing Day?

When you are an adult and a parent you no linger expect your parents to make you days special

grandparents should play with the grandchildren over Xmas IMO not cook for everyone

there comes a time when the children start cooking for their parents

your mil had cooked for three days for bil and sil

can't you see she might gave wanted someone else to take over and cook?

Next year invite them to yours fgs

beyondfurious - you are right it is about more than stoopid food. I am just so angry with them I could spit (which is why I am sounding sooo vile)

It is a symptom of their total lack of empathy and understanding or even caring and I had always thought until earlier this year that they were great PILS. How wrong was I, in some aspects.

They are very good at somethings and completely useless at others.

Xmas is a complex time at the best of times. The caring matters, the food is a symptom of this, not the important bit.

But FFS - we had a 'buffet' lunch and were told to eat the stale bread as that was all they had - they'd eaten all the rest at their lovely breakfast (smoked salmo, champagne)

I hate favouritism.

I'm awfully confused by this thread now...

I am sorry for your loss, and it sounds like your PILs were very unsupportive at the time.
This has clearly coloured your opinion of them though, as the behaviour you describe in your OP does not sound like any particularly terrible.
Perhaps you need to calmly mention how you feel to them, as often others do not know how best to react in these sad situations.
Please seek help if you feel you are not coping - your GP is a good place to start

I have invited them to me for the last 3 years. Last year they were here from 23 to morning of 25th, when they had to rush off to ther daughters to see their favourite GCs. Oh, and I cooked a variety of meats for them...

The reason they won't ome to us is that their daughter won't have them at HER house and expects to go to them to avoid cooking. So would it be TOO much to expect a sympathetic menu - leftovers ARE FINE BTW.

I agree that I should be having them here and doing my stint and that the younger generation should now be looking after the olds (hence granny annexe fantasie) and MY parents have been very well looked after at MY house for the Xmas period. I would happily have cooked the fecking dinner as I am a better cook, would have got it to the table on time, and I will be taking my own veggie options with me in the future to ALL family events...

Marion

I am coping, just had a shit day yesterday having to spend it with stoopid insensitive pils.

I am very sorry for your loss, we lost a baby a few weeks ago and I had a bile fueled rant at work which in reality was nothing to do with work and everything to do with the fact that we had lost a baby that was very much wanted.

Did they think they were cooking something special? It would have been easier to serve leftovers presumably, so perhaps they thought they were doing something nice by cooking another roast?

OK you need to breathe.

I am really sorry about your late miscarriage and its clear that this isn't about the food but lots of other issues.

People run out of bread - I just have - its not the end of the world normally but you're clearly very very stressed.

I really wouldn't post in aibu when feeling like this.

Give your in-laws the benefit of the doubt and take some time to grieve for your loss.

Very U, and rude into the bargain.

I'm a vegetarian too, as are my DDs, one of whom has emotional/behavioural problems. I'm also a lone parent without support or family for about 70 miles and in poor health and permanantly knackered.

I'd be bloody grateful to anyone who cooked for me, regardless of whether it was "just the vegetables", whether my cooking was better than theirs or whether they had other people at their house enjoying their hospitality. Perhaps your PIL are more welcoming and accommodating of other family members because they are more appreciative of their efforts?

I'm sorry for your loss too

last year if they had been with you for two nights already I think it is fair enough to go on Xmas day to
see other grandchildren

I think you need to lower your expectations, I know it's hard but that's what I've done

twinkle

I am so sorry for your loss, I should just have posted in the mc section and kept out of the way. I just never want to have to see my pils again as they have pissed me off so much with their total lack of anything. Food thing just bought it all into sharp focus, plus watching my DCs being all but ignored while the other gcs were drooled over...getting a bit thin now.

Well have a happy rest of Xmas people, I'm off to find a bottle of gin and a quiet corner where hopefully I can find something different than Pils crap catering to obsess about and might be able to stop these tears of rage

Just needed to have a rant and can't rant at poor DH as it upsets him that I might not have a very high opinion of my in-laws (tho he even admits they're bloody annoying)

But they did do one thing right - produced my lovely DH

It is hard when grandparents prefer one set of grandchildren. My ex husbands family are a bit like that. His mother dotes on one set of grandchildren as they have a few million in the bank while my dd is practically ignored.

Thankyou for your thoughts bb99. I have found rest and time with dp and dd to e invaluable in helping me get over our loss

Vallhala

I have been a lone parent in the past and I would HAPPILY cook for you and your kids! It is a toughy.

Disparity is what annoys me amongst other things. SIL gets a lot of thoughtful stuff done for her, with very little input to help her parents out (yes things are just like that)

We often help PILS out and then get completely taken for granted and overlooked.

Maybe Xms in the Bahamas next year...oh no, there's an economic crisis.........

aw sorry for giving you a hard time, you sound so

merrycompo - I know I am so and I really don't want to feel like this especially at this time of year. Was fine until enduring yesterdays nonsense and now they're talking about going away next year to a cottage on the other side of the country. That will be a choice - I either stop my parents seeing their ONLY GCs at Christmas (as has happened in the past to fit in with my PILs plans) OR I stop my DCs and DH seeing their GP and parents on Christmas day or spend the whole of Xmas day stuck on a motorway with the dcs stuck in a car. What a plan...

Oh well got the whole year to unravel that one...

Stay at home
do what you want to do
put your foot down

See Merrycompo - knew I'd probably get flamed, but knew there'd be SOME good advice out there from the collective wisdom pool - like your bit on the children taking over from GPs BTW, may print and keep for surviving DCs of my own .

Home with an open invitation for anyone to visit us sounds magic. And no fecking roast beef just nut roast for all every single day...

Now I just need to figure out how to put down the anger and rage I feel towards the PILs

If they would only just say 'we're sorry'. I was even bad enough to post a MC association leaflet to my FIL, but just got a load of snotty emails back about how busy he was (with other gcs...oh and how GREAT they were) and told if we wanted help we should have (been less selfish and) asked - thought that was what I was doing sending the leaflet

Oh well, lots more hours in the day to put this down and enjoy the loveliness I do have downstairs and am eternally grateful for.