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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my PIL to put their plates in the dishwasher?

28 replies

FlopemOut · 27/12/2009 14:45

PIL arrived boxing day, DH and I had our hands full cooking lunch for 9 people whilst also looking after DS (2.8) who has flu and DD (4m) who has a cold and EBF. Am I being unreasonable to expect them to put their mugs and plates in dishwasher? Really, is that too much to ask? I feel like I have 4 children to look after. Roll on tomorrow when they leave...

OP posts:
juuule · 27/12/2009 14:49

Wouldn't have bothered me whether they
did or they didn't. Not sure what the big deal is.

You could always have asked them to clear the plates away if you felt that you needed help.
Maybe they didn't want to get in your way.

rubyslippedonastraymincepie · 27/12/2009 14:51

ask them for help if you need it

don't be all passive aggressive about it

Seona1973 · 27/12/2009 14:52

no I wouldnt expect them to put their stuff in the dishwasher. I prefer people to put the stuff on the worktop and then I load the dishwasher the way I want it to be loaded.

MamaLazarou · 27/12/2009 14:52

YAB a little bit U to 'expect' them to know what you want done with the plates and stuff. I think it's best to ask for the help you need. Some people think it's frightfully rude to start clearing up in other people's houses without being asked!

SleighBelleDameSansMerci · 27/12/2009 14:55

I think it depends on your dishwasher attitude too... I am a "dishwasher diva" and my DP even hesitates to put anything in it as I get quite huffy about people not putting things in the "right" ie logical place. My cleaning lady drives me NUTS because she always puts the cutlery basket in at the wrong angle. I don't see how it can be hard to get it right - she's been doing it for five years!

Soooo, if you're as bad as I am (which, frankly I doubt) then I don't blame them. Otherwise, yes, how hard can it be to put plates/mugs into a dishwasher?

MarionCrane · 27/12/2009 15:06

I haven't got a dishwasher, but I don't expect visitors/guests/relatives to wash up after themselves.
If I wanted them too, and was irritated that they didn't, I'd ask them to.
Not a big deal.

Original poster
FlopemOut · 27/12/2009 15:08

I guess the dishwasher incident is just the tip of the iceberg and I am a little fed up with the way they treat our home like a hotel. I think my new year's resolution is to be more communicative of my wishes!

OP posts:
bibbitybobbitysantahat · 27/12/2009 15:09

You must ask for help when you want it when you are the hosts. People aren't psychic, but generally like to help if they are given a specific task. If I tried to load my stepmother's dishwasher she would fume because she is such a control freak.

ProfYaffle · 27/12/2009 15:41

Oh God, I wouldn't dare go near my pil dishwasher, mil would get quite hysterical if anything's in the wrong place. Similarly, my parents seem to fear my dishwasher (though I don't get hysterical).

Get dh to show them where everything goes and ask them to be on dish clearing duty or something.

Original poster
FlopemOut · 27/12/2009 16:00

Haha, why didn't I think of that profyaffle - get my husband to give them instructions - that's perfect and doesn't leave me feeling like bitch DIL!

OP posts:
Original poster
FlopemOut · 27/12/2009 16:03

I also didn't realise dishwashers came with so many feelings about 'correct' way of loading. As long as mine get in it and it gets switched on I don't care about anything else

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 27/12/2009 16:06

...

Pheebe · 27/12/2009 16:53

IMO GUESTS should treat your house like a hotel! They are after all GUESTS ffs!!!

If they offer to help, great but I would prefer that my GUESTS feel comfortable and looked after rather than on edge and like they can't relax because I was watching their every move, from where they left their mugs to how much loo roll they use.

HohohoBumperlicious · 27/12/2009 17:02

Yes but there's guests and there's family, family should help out a bit, especially at a stressful time like Christmas and with 2 young children.

ineedalifelaundry · 27/12/2009 17:02

If you want them to help you should ask them. They're not mind readers. I'm sure they'd love to help but don't want to be seen as interfering PILs. Yabu.

Earlybird · 27/12/2009 17:20

What is the routine when you go visit them?

Earlybird · 27/12/2009 17:23

I can't imagine they're enjoying themselves much with 2 sick children in the house and an angry, resentful DIL.

You are in a difficult situation - ill children, busy time of year, new baby which means you must feel exhausted - why did you invite them? It all sounds too much for you.

OrmIrian · 27/12/2009 17:26

Do they have a dw? My parents don't and would be very unsure of how to load it.

You sound horribly stressed and I'm sorry you have had such a difficult christmas. But I can't help thinking that they are probably looking forward to going home too.

Bonsoir · 27/12/2009 17:28

I don't want my POLs anywhere near my kitchen. My own parents have been staying for four days and I don't even really want them doing more than gently helping to clear the dining table and put stuff on the side in the kitchen.

FabHasHadALovelyXmas · 27/12/2009 17:31

My PIL muck in when they are here but wouldn't load the dishwasher.

YABU, they are guests. If you wanted help you should have asked.

Original poster
FlopemOut · 27/12/2009 22:17

Well I think it serves me right to let them invite themselves here and definitely serves me right for not being more forthcoming when I need help.

OP posts:
mumeeee · 27/12/2009 23:14

My parents came for Christmas. I didn't expect them to wash up although Mum did offer. I don't have a dishwasher.

jasper · 27/12/2009 23:20

Some people think it is rude to do anything to help when you are visiting .

I learned this to my cost when I visited a friend's parents for the weekend. I did my usual helping out with clearing up the dishes and stuff and my friend's mother was REALLY offended

MadamDeathstare · 27/12/2009 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shodan · 27/12/2009 23:32

I only found out the other day that my PILs have a dishwasher. They never use it because my MIL loves washing up!!!! I have to physically restrain her when they're here. (Although on Xmas day she sneakily waited till DH and I had dropped off for a few minutes and snuck into the kitchen to do the first batch).

I, on the other hand, never wash up when we go to theirs. (Not just because I don't like it). I feel that guests in my house should not do household chores and feel the same when I go out.

Not that MIL would let me anyway, bless her.

I'm sure if you just said 'Could you just stick those in the dishwasher for me please?' they'd have no problem with it.

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