to be angry with my parents?

[peedoffxmasmummy]

I recently got in touch with my dad who I have not seen since I was a child, when I met him a few times and according to my mum, he tried it on with her, she turned him down, and then he disappeared.

I found him on facebook 10 days ago which my mum was not happy about. However, a day later, she had started talking to him, they exchanged phone numbers and have been meeting up since. In this time I have met him once. Went to visit mum today, who told me they are back together, the loves of each others lives, and I should be pleased.

They both even say I am their "lovechild". How flattering. My mum has turned it into some big love story about how they are meant for each other, conveniently forgetting that he used to beat her up, cheat on her and when she got pregnant, said the baby (me) wasn't his and buggered off.

I am really, really annoyed at my mum as I think she should have let me get to know him before getting involved with him. I feel he is now playing "daddy" with me because it fits in with her plans to be with her.

Any thoughts? My dad has been trying to phone me and I don't know what to do, whether I am right to be angry about this.

I think YAB a bit U. Your relationship with your Dad is separate to the relationship he has with your mum. I don't see why you cannot forge a relationship with him independent of your mum.

If you take away the beatings etc, it does sound quite Mills and Boon-ish - sorry!!!

But if your Dad is as unreliable as you indicate, it may not last. I think Christmas makes people do things they wouldn't do at other times of the year and you might find that they split up (again) in the New Year.

TBH, I would take his phone calls and be friendly (that's not quite the word I want but it's 5am so bear with me)- you don't have to run into his open arms - I don't blame you for being a bit about the whole thing.

YABU in the sense that:

i) this relationship is nothing to do with you
ii) you're pissed off your dad is a flake yet it was you who got back in touch with him
iii) you won't pick up the phone to your dad because of the two points listed above!

YANBU in the sense that:

i) you're wondering when history has been re-written and whether your mum & dad have gone a bit heavy on the sherry!

Well I suppose it could work out hey... my mum is still with someone else though. I think they rushed into this and it might not turn out to be the love story she expected!

I get it. YANBU. You are worried your dad is only interested in seeing you so he can impress your mum and you are annoyed with your mum for taking back an abusive man and for confusing things for you. Sounds like your assumption about your dad's motivation is probably correct but the fact he's managed to convince your mum probably won't have much bearing on things for you. Whether he's with her or not you'd find out what his true intentions were eventually. They both sound like children but at least your mum stuck around and put in the work, not sure your dad is really worth bothering with and it might save you a lot of heartache if you just wrote him off but i get that you need to give him a chance so that's what you should do.

You're right curiosity, I get a bad feeling about my dad, I've had angry voicemails from him and he has "unadded" me as a friend on facebook. I think he is VERY upset that I haven't just accepted this thing with my mum. I haven't said I wanted them to stop seeing other, haven't argued or anything, I just said that is was a bit weird for me and have kept my distance for the last day as I don't really know what to say to either of them. He forgets although he is my "dad" he is a stranger. I'm annoyed that my mum has made things more complicated and that she believes all the lovely things he is saying to her, as I've got a good feeling it isn't going to work out too well.

"I found him on facebook 10 days ago which my mum was not happy about. However, a day later, she had started talking to him, they exchanged phone numbers and have been meeting up since. In this time I have met him once. Went to visit mum today, who told me they are back together, the loves of each others lives, and I should be pleased."

Sounds like she knew she was an addict, you started the process of reintroducing her to her particular dependency and now she's back where she was before she broke free.

great post silkhorse!

I reckon you need to just let your parents make their mistakes, it sounds completely stupid but it's up to them. You can relate to them completely separately even if they are together, don't get dragged into parenting them and just try to build a relationship with your dad. Sometimes people go into these things with intentions of getting back with their ex and find out what they've been missing with their lost children but try not to have any expectations and don't let yourself caught up in their dramatics.

within 10 days they are back together she has forgotten all their history and he has now unadded you to his facebook

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