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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel fucking pissed off with my sister...

19 replies

Ladyanonymous · 26/12/2009 20:50

Christmas weekend lovely. Me, single mum, 3 kids. Sister happily married for 15 yrs 2 kids younger than mine.

I have Bronchitis.

I am baby sitting sisters kids tomorrow as they are going on the piss and watching a Rugby match. She lives abroad and has never baby sat my kids. Ever, my eldest is 12.

My ex husbands new partner has been a complete bitch to me this yr, trying to have me arrested and made an allegation against me at work and had me breathalyzed on the school run.

My sister just sat and defended her to me, saying I should be neutral to my daughter about her and big her up when she tells my daughter its great to have her dad because "she gets all the jobs done" and I don't want my daughter thinking that is the be all and end all to a relationship blah de blah de blah and when I asked how she would feel if it was her and her husband, she said "well its not like we'll ever be like you and split up is it?"

I tried to explain to my sister that I was finding it hard alone esp with school clubs etc with three kids at three schools,work and ferrying the kids about. She said loads of her friends find it hard too as their husbands don't get home till 7 and thats just the same as being a single mum (they earn shit loads of money).

AIBU to just want to smack the smug bitch her in the face??

OP posts:
InMyLittleHead · 26/12/2009 20:54

"...she said "well its not like we'll ever be like you and split up is it?" "

Famous. Last. Words.

YANBU

fruitymum · 26/12/2009 20:56

I think you sister is insensitive and lacks insight and empathy to your situation. I would cancel the babysitting and tell her you are unwell and do not want to pass on bugs to her DC.
You sound as though you are doing a fab job -don't worry about what she thinks. Just look after yourself and get well soon.

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 26/12/2009 20:57

....oh yes and I put both her DS's to bed tonight while she sat drinking wine with her husband and my parents after he called me a chav and chastised me in front of my own kids for using the word "gob".

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 26/12/2009 20:58

Why?

Why are you doing all these things if she and her husband are so horrible to you?

gingernutlover · 26/12/2009 21:00

are they staying with you?

I would ask them to leave, and certainly dont be doing any baby sitting

merrycompo · 26/12/2009 21:00

Well you didn't have to put her kids to bed while she sat drinking wine
and you don't have to babysit tomorrow
stick up for yourself and say NO

ineedalifelaundry · 26/12/2009 21:02

They both sound more than a little bit smug. for you.

Is your sister normally like this?

LizzyLordsALeaping · 26/12/2009 21:03

Why are you standing for this treatment?
Tell her you can't babysit her kids as you fear you may be too much of a Chav for them?

Don't take it. People will dish out as much as they think they can get away with, imo.

She sounds frightful tbh, and as Inmylittlehead says, famous last words.

paisleyleaf · 26/12/2009 21:04

I don't think anyone judges each other and compares themselves quite like siblings.
Christmas eh?
I think a lot of people have to spend time in the same room with at least someone who rubs them up the wrong way for a period of time over christmas.
I don't know how you've managed to get yourself into the position of babysitting though if you don't really want to be.
Is she staying much longer?

ineedalifelaundry · 26/12/2009 21:05

And WTF are you doing running round after her kids when you have bronchitis??? She should be running round after your kids!!!

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 26/12/2009 21:14

I have very few chances to see my nephews and I saw babysitting as a great way of them spending time with me and my kids....

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 26/12/2009 21:27

She is now slagging me off for calling access weekends "access weekends" and for not giving my ex the weekend off next New Year because its his "access weekend" and I should just "deal with it" and when I said I do the lions share of the child care saying "well the only way out of that is to give him custody isn't it?"

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 26/12/2009 21:30

...and my mother agreed with her

OP posts:
midori1999 · 26/12/2009 21:33

She sounds like a horrible co and someone you could do without, tbh. My sister and I love and respect each other, and even though we don't always agree, we would never deliberately upset the other one. if I could see she was upset, I'd probably quietly agree with her, tbh, just to make her feel better.

As for her husband 'chastising' you, I would have tol dhimt o fuck off, that would have shut him up and made him realise 'gob' isn't so bad after all....

Really, don't babysit for them.

InMyLittleHead · 26/12/2009 21:38

Repeat after me:

'Why don't you go fuck yourself?'

merrycompo · 26/12/2009 21:40

She says those things because she knows it gets to you
you need to say something back or it will just carry on
don't confide in her
she is using your confidences as amunition yo say hurtful things
so if you say stuff about your ex and access weekends she'll comment
just talk about the weather until she buggers off

releasethehounds · 26/12/2009 21:44

I think it's always worse around Christmas. If it's any consolation my sister has been winding up the entire family for the past two days and in the last hour I have slammed the phone down on her because I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

I won't bore you with the (long) details as I don't want to hijack your thread, but my sister is basically very hard to get along with (hence she is practically without friends) and seems to revel in upsetting our parents and my brother and I. In turn, this rubs off on DH and my children.

So much for a nice Christmas. Sorry you're feeling so low and having such a hard time with your sister. I too have tried to help my sister a lot over the years despite DH asking me why the hell I do it when she often upsets me, but it's really hard when it's your sister and I have to see her when I go to family functions. You can't just cut them off, it's not that simple. Family is very important to me.

Anyway, after tonight, I suppose she isn't even speaking to me. I don't know why that makes me so sad, but it does.

Just wanted you to know that this scenario isn't uncommon, but it doesn't make it any easier. Hope things work out for you.

memoo · 26/12/2009 22:41

I was a single mum for 5 years until I met my now DH.

We have had a baby together and he works very long hours. I'm often alone for 12 hours a day.

But there is no way on this earth is is as hard as being a single mum was! Its not about the practical day to day stuff its about the total lack of emotional support. Even if you are lucky enough to have good friends or family members at the end of the day its still just you, alone.

I have huge sympathy for you!! and YANBU

trulyscrumptious43 · 26/12/2009 23:31

I agree with memoo. It really gets my goat when women (and it's always women)say that having ahusband who goes out and works long hours is the same as being a single mum.
NO IT'S NOT.
Being a single parent is always having the worry of where the next pair of shoes/school trip/birthday present is coming from. No one is earning any money for you, it's all down to you.
Sorry, I' getting carried away here.
But YANBU.

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