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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To send him on his way???

17 replies

Upsadaisy · 26/12/2009 18:23

Been with my guy almost a year and until very recently he lived over in Preston....I'm in Leeds.

He closed the doors to his business and moved over and is staying with me "not officially moved in" as he doesn't want to spoil things (his words) but is staying...only he lives out of his suitcase. I created some space but hasn't used.

Not contributed anything as such although has bought food etc and babysits. I ended up paying one of his bills over a hundred which was not good especially with christmas. He said he would put the money back in my account etc but as yet hasn't. He's a forgetful guy and figured I would need to remind him several times. Doesn't feel good though.

Anyway he'd planned on christmas eve and christmas day with his folks down south and the rest of the time working in his pub. I was a little annoyed that he hadn't made room for me....I told him so on the 23rd he took the night off - although spent the night on the computer and phone as his mate is in a bit of trouble. I thought fair enough. He said he'd spend christmas eve with me.....he went out in the morning to do jobs for the pub (baring in mind if he was down south he wouldn't have been able to and someone else would've had to do it) He came back mid day and left after the kids went to bed to travel down to his folks.

He said he would make it up by spending boxind day afternoon with me as he needed to be back up to be in the pub tonight.

Yesterday he called in the morning briefly....I called him in he evening to see how day was going and see what time he'd be back up. He didn't answer....thought he must be busy...thought he'd call me back when could. I calle again about 10 this morning see what time etc...so could arrange my day.....he didn't pick up.

He called at 2 he'd just set off and would be back about 430ish but needed to be at the pub for 830 toight. I was mad and told him to stay at his pub that if he couldn't give me one full day over christmas then somethings not right.

Thats pretty much how we've left it

What do I do??

OP posts:
rubyslippedonastraymincepie · 26/12/2009 18:25

doesn't sound good

go with your instincts = no financial contribution, making no effort to spend time with you etc

FabHasHadALovelyXmas · 26/12/2009 18:27

it sounds like he is using you.

Numberfour · 26/12/2009 18:28

get rid of him.

ineedalifelaundry · 26/12/2009 18:29

yanbu

he is freeloading when it suits him and not giving you anything back. He's not serious. You're right to give him the push.

Upsadaisy · 26/12/2009 18:31

Its all startig to feel temporary and that I'm a convenient place to stay with benefits if you get what I mean.

Trouble is he's generally a great guy....someone I haven't minded making the effort for.

I really don't want to argue.....I don't think he understands other than he's had someone having a go at him.

OP posts:
Upsadaisy · 26/12/2009 18:33

Thanks guys....I'm gutted

OP posts:
coldtits · 26/12/2009 18:51

He sounds like a cocklodger.

Brunettelady · 26/12/2009 19:28

Sorry but he really does sound like he is taking the piss out of you. He knows what he doing, you are there when it is convenient for him but when he wants to make his own plans, he does so without giving a toss for your feelings.

boudoiricca · 26/12/2009 19:46

HJNTIY (sorry)

SolidGoldpiginablanket · 26/12/2009 20:19

Are you prepared to contineu letting him turn up for a shag, a meal and some cash when he feels like it? Is he that good a shag? Because you're not going to get anything else out of him, he's either entirely selfish and treats everyone like this (ie only bothers with them when there's something in it for him) or he just isn't that bothered about you.
I have had male friends/shagbuddies in the past who I basically didn't expect reliability from and didn't think much about when they werem't actually there (because I wasn't that bothered about them, either) but if you want a man you can consider your partner, I don't think this one is on the menu.

NiceShoes · 26/12/2009 20:30

He is taking the piss.But hell you allow it.So until you switch the mobile off,and assert your needs he will continue to walk all over you.

Upsadaisy · 26/12/2009 21:09

Bugger.....

its just been this past month that he's been here....and with his business going down the plug...I've been cutting him slack.

But....

thank y

OP posts:
Upsadaisy · 26/12/2009 21:10

thank you all xxxxxxxxxxxx

just needed to hear what I already knew

OP posts:
SolidGoldpiginablanket · 27/12/2009 02:26

Good luck. Bin him - you don't need the aggravation. He's probably got three other 'girlfriends' or 'wannabe girlfriends' lined up anyway.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/12/2009 02:43

"I ended up paying one of his bills over a hundred which was not good especially with christmas. He said he would put the money back in my account etc but as yet hasn't."

How did it come about that you paid this bill?

(YANBU, btw)

CardyMow · 27/12/2009 14:23

He's not my ex is he?? His initials aren't GV are they??!!

AnAuntieNotAMum · 27/12/2009 14:38

YANBU. He doesn't deserve what you are doing for him. Send him on his way.

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