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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Be FURIOUS With My Husband... AGAIN...

20 replies

midori1999 · 26/12/2009 18:04

Honestly! I wonder why I bother sometimes!

My husband is away over Christmas visiting his children, as they were/are having some problems (or now it is appearing his ex wife made up the problems...) and I suggested he go as it was a big gesture to them as well as the fact he would see them.

I don't live near any family, and my children are at their Dad's, so I am completely alone.

I understand DH is busy with his kids etc, (he is staying at his ex MIL's house and alll the famiyl are there) but he has barely text me or rung me since he has been there. Yesterday, not one of my family phoned me, despite the fact they know I am alone, and DH only rang me twice very briefly.

I just rang DH as I haven't heard much from him today, and we had a slightly strained conversation, I said sorry I was fed up and bored and not very chatty,and he asked if I had done the housework!!! I mean, FFS!!!!

I have just ranted at him an dput the phone down... no doubt he'll carry on having a fun day and wont' give a shit. And yes, I am bitter about it...

OP posts:

InMyLittleHead · 26/12/2009 18:08

I would be bitter too

BarbieLovesKen · 26/12/2009 18:08

Could possibly blame you for being bitter.

Jesus Christ - that sounds really horrible.

Have to be honest - you are a way better/ nicer person than I am - having such consideration for his children like that, I know it comes with the package but have to be honest I couldnt be that understanding.

Feel really for you. Think he has alot of making up to do...

FabHasHadALovelyXmas · 26/12/2009 18:52

He is giving all his attention to his children who he doesn't see very often. It would be nice to ring you morning and evening but any more than that and he will be ignoring his children.

JemL · 26/12/2009 18:54

YANBU

ImSoNotTelling · 26/12/2009 19:06

Sorry your post made me laugh a bit. I know it wasn't supposed to.

Thought of inept bloke trying to make conversation "ummm..... have you done the housework" as a top conversational gambit! Probably all his ex family were listening to the call and he felt v uncomfortable.

It must be miserable by yourself but it's not forever, stick the telly on and open some chocs, put your feet up.

Original poster

midori1999 · 26/12/2009 19:44

Thanks for replying, it helps, tbh.

FabHasHadALovelyXmas if he were spending his time exclusively with his children, that would be fine, only he isn't. He has been out for drinks several times with friends whilst he is supposed to be seeing them, and also dragged them to the pub on Christmas eve whilst he met one friend. (they are 13 and 17, but they would have ahd to amuse themselves whilst their Dad was with his friend) Again, I don't mind him drinking with friends as such, but surely if he has time to leave his kids to visit his friends, he has time to ring me?

ImSoNotTelling If only, sadly he is an insensitve twit.... but I can see why you laughed... I am in early preganacy with bad morning sickness, so can't really eat much and feel icky, plus I can never sleep when DH is no here, and usually have temazepam prescirbed, which I obviously can't take at the moment. I am sure that is making the situation seem even more dramatic... I'll probably feel better after some sleep...

OP posts:

pithyslicker · 26/12/2009 20:45

How do you know what is going on if you are not there?

ImSoNotTelling · 26/12/2009 21:50

Early pregnancy is really shitty, in that case YAdefNBU. Hope you manage to get some sleep, and tell him he's a twunt when he gets home.

floweryblue · 26/12/2009 21:54

Chin up sweetie and keep smiling! Nothing you can do if DP has kids that are not yours too. You must have known they existed at the start so you have to be supportive whatever happens. It's hard, I know, but it has to be done if you want things to work with your DP and you.

Original poster

midori1999 · 26/12/2009 21:58

I feel a little better now, thankyou. I have forced myself to eat some dinner, and although I am not sure if I'll keep it down yet, I don't feel so shaky now.

Plus, hubby has text me from the pub to say he loves me and I have told him he is an idiot and I am saving the housework (other than essentials) for when he gets back, which he has agreed to.

pithyslicker I know what is going on as he has sent me a couple of texts and mentioned prior to going he was intending to go out drinking with his friends etc. (he text me earlier to say he was going out with friend tonight)

OP posts:

merrycompo · 26/12/2009 22:00

Why didn't you go to your family so you weren't alone?

Original poster

midori1999 · 26/12/2009 22:04

We have too many pets and I needed to stay and look after them really. However, I am not all that close to my family and there is no room for me to stay there.

OP posts:

Threepwood · 27/12/2009 00:15

He rang you twice, that seems more than reasonable to me.

Shiregirl · 27/12/2009 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CirrhosisByTheSea · 27/12/2009 00:33

hmm...being 'off' with him on the phone, 'fed up, bored' is not really on. You are either happy for him to go or you're not and it's not fair imo to say you're happy and then be like that on the phone. It is not your DH's fault that you were completely alone - your family had something to do with that so it's not just your DH.

It's also not as if he didn't contact you at all, he has phoned and texted you. He can't be in two places at once and I think you've been a little unfair though I can understand that with your family not being around either, that you have been very alone. However you must have known that would be the case when you agreed he went?

Original poster

midori1999 · 27/12/2009 00:43

Two three minute phone calls doesn't seem that much to me, he rang me more from Afghanistan....

cirrhosisbythesea, it doesn't really have anything to do with my family, I grew up and left home years ago... my husband knew I would be alone when he decided to go, it was actually me who suggested he go, due to the problems his daughter was supposedly having, despite that meaning me left in the back of beyond with no car. However, it seems the ex wife blatantly lied about the majority of that. (there is a history there, she is very jealous of our relationshiop an dhas constantly made it difficult/impossible or refused to allow the children to stay with us, so he often has no choice but to visit them there. Something I see as a shame, especially as they will have a new brother or sister next year)

Yes, I knew I would be alone when he went. I did however think he would maybe extend me the courtesy of maybe a text every couple of hours or so and a decent phone call each day. We are the sort of couple who text each other 'i love yous' constantly under normal circumstances, and he usually rings me at least 3 or 4 times a day (shortish calls, admittedly) when he is at work.

OP posts:

MrsFlittersnoop · 27/12/2009 02:05

YANBU for feeling peed off! Sorry to hear you're feeling lonely .

Bur blokes just don't usually do the text/phone thing all the time. He's probably really stressed out coping with kids and ex-PILS without you around to help.

It's great that you normally text and phone several times a day, but it ain't a usual bloke "thing". And TBH - texts every 2/3 hours sounds a bit, well, girly.

Hope you've tucked yourself up with wine/ chocs/ hottie/ good DVD and had a nice evening to yourself. Sounds like you have a lovely DH!

Earlybird · 27/12/2009 02:44

Being at home alone over the holidays is a recipe for depression and upset. You should not be sitting at home watching the clock, waiting for the phone to ring, and feeling isolated and unloved. But neither should you be putting on your martyr cap.

If you can't/don't want to go visit family, can you not spend time with friends during the day? Even if it is only sitting on the sofa watching a movie with them....

You need to make some plans for yourself to stave off the feelings of loneliness.

skihorse · 27/12/2009 06:17

You said you were bored - he asked if you'd done the housework. Men can be a bit crap verbally - perhaps he actually meant "you could always do some housework if you're bored" - you know, trying to give you a rather brilliant suggestion of how to fill your time.

However, as you're in the early stages of pregnancy, all bets are off - you're allowed to rationalise anything any way you like and when push comes to shove the father of your unborn child takes the blame. That's the law!

Original poster

midori1999 · 27/12/2009 09:53

Thanks.

Earlybird, I can't really visit any friends. They are all away visiting family, having family to visit, or married.(we live in an army camp, so everyone here is married and a long way from family) I have been walking the dogs twice a day on the beach (which is wonderful, and the beach is only two minutes from our house and pretty much private) and did bump into a couple of friends to say hello to yesterday. Other than that, there is nothing to do, no public transport and nothing at all here aprt from a Spar shop, which has been closed. Perhaps I'll venture to that today...

I'll be fine, DH will be fine, and him and all the children will be back in a couple of days and I'll probably be wishing the house was quiet and I could please myself again...

And it's DH that usually instigates allt he texting/phining, to the point it sometimes drives me mad, so I suppose this is a case of be careful what you wish for...

OP posts:

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