Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to think that BIL is rude

17 replies

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 26/12/2009 13:49

Today we were expecting DH's parents and brother to spend the day with us. So we spent a lot of time sorting the house out and preparing a full blown Xmas dinner (again). we try and make Boxing Day a 2nd Xmas day for his parent's sake so they get to see their grandchildren opening presents etc. It is quite a lot of work but despite his family being bloody hard work we really o try. Anyway DH's parents arrived an hour ago but no sign of BIL. He has apparently "got a headache and a bit of a cold". FFS could he not have rung 1st thing to say he couldn't come??? WE have prepared food for him and can't have too many leftovers as we are going on holiday tomorrow.. I just think it would have been polite to at least offer his own apologies not ask his mum to speak for him. ( He is 30 btw) He has no seen my DH for ages and makes zero effort with DC's so maybe it's best he didn't come but I just feel really irritated. BTW he does this sort of thing (not turn up and get's his mum to apologise all the time including staying in bed on the day of his cousin's wedding and refusing to ring up and apologise!) AIBU should I just let it go he can't be that ill FFS and as a parent you just don't have the option of just going to bed and stopping no matter how ill you are, maybe that is what bugs me most is his lazines and sellfishness.

OP posts:

cornysxmasmuffmusic · 26/12/2009 14:11

He sounds like a mummies boy. Don't invite him next time.

ThumbleBells · 26/12/2009 14:18

Let it go, he is a childish wanker by the sounds of it and not worth your angst. Maybe your DH could have a word with him when you get back from holidays and tell him that his behaviour is not acceptable.

At least you don't have to put up with him moaning and whining about how ill he feels and possibly having to witness the nauseating spectacle of a mother "babying" her poor ickle sicky 30yo. (Not sure if your MIL would, but if he is still getting her to apologise for him at that age, the odds are good that she would be like that)

Original poster

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 26/12/2009 14:18

we never do we just assume he will come but this time we did actually issue a formal invitation and he said he was coming I think he either should have come and is a lazy toad or if he really is that ill a quick call wouldn't have killed him

OP posts:

Louplet · 26/12/2009 14:20

Agree. Let it go. You don't want his germs if you are going away anyway. Just don't bother to invite him next year.

CremeDeMenthe · 26/12/2009 14:22

Better off without him by the sounds of it.
You won't have that much more in the way of leftovers for one missing person.

WingedVictory · 26/12/2009 14:23

You can't physically make him come, but you can refuse to accept "regrets" through his mother. ("Thanks for telling me, but I would really rather hear it from him" is polite enough not to upset mum, although she ought to stop colluding in his laziness). Perhaps stop extending invitations to him, and if he ever turns up at something, make a big show of looking concerned that you were not expecting him, mmm, will there be enough... would he mind having X to allow the food to stretch a bit further so the DCs don't have to go without.

There : no resentment because he won't be getting the food meant for worthy guests, and he will get a message.

The only drawback is that you have to wait to have a chance to turn him down. And if he is that lazy, he might miss quite a few family occasions (and not be missed) before you have a chance to get your message across.

Original poster

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 26/12/2009 14:59

Thumblebells you have read the situation perfectly it is truly vomit inducing watching her fuss over him! We recently went to a family gathering and the seating plan didn't allow him to sit with his mum and he sulked for the whole function it was excrutiating to watch a grown man behave like a 2 year old

OP posts:

MrsGokWantssomeChristmasSpirit · 26/12/2009 15:41

Any leftovers box up and freeze, you can have bubble and squeak when you come home.

Or send it in a doggy bag back home or him.

sunburntats · 26/12/2009 16:17

no, yaNbu. Im the same with my bil (34)
Whenever we invite the ils for a meal they always say " we will have to see how our XXX is as he may be out the night before so will be ill"
He never comes, not interested in ds (his only nephew)

Christmas day we do a huge fry up for breakfast and the ils come, when i ask before so that i can cater for another person, they say the above....its fucking rude.

he is a mummies boy, they phone him half way through breakfast at 11am ish to see if he is ok and up yet...he never gets up before 2pm.

What its like to be free and single...not so young.

Original poster

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 26/12/2009 17:34

The git has even sent presents for DH and DC's but not so much as a card for me !!!! That's the last sprout I peel for him

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 26/12/2009 17:40

Igore.

Does it really matter?.....and why are you on MN when you have guests?

Just compost the left overs, and enjoy your holiday.

Out of all the threads I have read today, this is the most trivial. Get a grip.

FabHasHadALovelyXmas · 26/12/2009 17:43

You could plate up his food if you are that bothered but while he is being precious I don't think 1 extra person makes much more work.

Original poster

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 26/12/2009 18:19

Nothing to do with the leftovers and more to do with manners and yes I am lurking whilst they ere popping out visiting other relis and if it's so trivial why are you wasting your time responding Lynette I'm sure you could find something more useful than reading my pathetic twitterings to do ! I thought this thread could be used for a bit of light hearted moaning once in a while I'll just leave you to discuss far more important matters now

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 26/12/2009 18:23

Anyway..YANBU, he was rude.

merrycompo · 26/12/2009 19:09

Bet he is hungover

muminthemiddle · 26/12/2009 23:11

I agree with Wingedvictory and would not invite him next time. If he did turn up I would do the "Oh I haven't catered for you as last time you didn't bother to turn up, you don't mind not eating/drinking tap water only do you?" routine.

5Foot5 · 27/12/2009 12:43

It does sound very bad mannered of him. I wonder is he socially awkward or has he some problem about social gatherings? Not turning up at a wedding he was invited to does sound very extreme. Does hs still live at home?

Flip