Feel annoyed about this comment from my sister

[ineedalifelaundry]

I went for my yearly cervical smear earlier this week. The nurse always weighs me and takes blood pressure too. So, when she weighed me this time she said "ooh you've lost weight" which is true - last year I still had a lot of extra baby weight as my dd was only a couple of months old when I had the smear. Since then I have lost almost a stone and a half. So I came out of the docs feeling really good about myself, as you can imagine.

So, yesterday I relayed this exchange to my sister (who has no kids and has always been size 10 btw) and she said "that's encouraging!"

Is it just me, or is there an implication in my sister's response that I ought to just get on with losing the rest of my extra pounds?

It's not just this, there have been other related comments recently, such as "soon you'll be a yummy mummy when you've lost the weight" - aren't I a yummy mummy now then? And "you'll have to stop eating those gigantic bowls of porridge for breakfast" when she herself eats cereal out of a small mixing bowl because normal bowls don't hold enough cereal to fill her up!

I'm being over-sensitive aren't I?

Yes! Well done for losing the weight though.

Yes you are. Sorry.

Is she simply just being honest? - you are her sister so maybe she feels like she can with you ifykwim?

I wouldnt ever comment on someone who I was not very very close to re weight but have to admit, my mum is large, she knows it, I know it, if she says something regarding her weight I wont lie and tell her shes skinny when shes a size 22 - Ill offer to help her (as I have previously lost 7 stone and know how to) or if someone told her shed lost weight, Id be honest too and say "thats brilliant, keep it up mum, imagine what people will be saying to you in a couple more pounds time... " etc..

Does that make sense?

Its just that I know what its like to be big and feel shit about myself, so instead of telling her shes fine as she is when shes miserable about it it (lie!), I try encourage her to do something about it.

Maybe you have a little extra weight on and your sister thinks your aware of it.

Well done on loosing weight btw!!

Oh goodness - I can't stop laughing at the vision of someone eating cereal out of a 'small mixing bowl'. It's making my bump hurt .

And, yes, YABabitU - you obviously feel uncomfortable about the weight and maybe her comments are just hitting a raw spot?

It's true I still have some weight to lose, but does that mean I don't look good now? I'm size 16 and tall. last year I was a size 20.

Barbielovesken I think I would mind it less from you (as you have been larger and lost a lot of weight so you will be in general more sensitive and understanding) but from someone who has never been over a size 10 ... Something else that annoyed me in the same conversation: she said "well I weighed myself this morning and I'm the heaviest I've ever been - 9 stone!" with a big look of

I don't think she means to hurt me me but I find her attitude towards my weight a little bit patronizing (even smug?) It makes me want to go and eat a large slice of Christmas cake just to spite her.

Nevertheless I will try to be less sensitive from now on!

YAB a little U but I know what you mean. A (really lovely) colleague and I went on mat leave around the same time. I returned to work slightly earlier and had loads of comments about what a yummy mummy friend was. I wanted to say well what about me, but as a size 20, no matter how much I tart myself up, I don't qualify. You can look like a bloke in a wig but if you're slim you win

Size 16 and tall doesn't sound 'fat' to me at all. Is your sis a twiglet?

I think the use of 'encouraging' is a bit insensitive. 'That's great' would have been rather better, but yes maybe she's just hit a raw nerve. But never mind cos you are doing fine - and don't stop the porridge - porridge v v gd at keeping you feeling full.

she does sound a but smug, tbh. But don't let it worry you - she has no clue. If she spends all her life trying to maintain her size 10, then maybe she'd have some sensitivity - but it sounds like she doesn't have to try, so what does she know? ignore.

have to be honest, don't think she's being smug. I have the same situation. I'm now back to a size 16 (after birth of 10 month DS). When I'm really careful and do a lot of sport, I'm a size 14.

My sister has always been a size 10, whatever she's done.

She's actually really tactful all the time and sensitive, because she knows how upset I get about my weight.

But, although she's a lovely, tactful, senstive person anyway, she's kinda had to learn to be like this.

For her, because weight has never been an issue to her.... other people's weight isn't an issue to her either (iyswim)

So whereas I notice even a couple of ounces someone might have lost or gained (cos I'm so obsessed about it in me) (although I'd never comment on it!!) she just wouldn't.

I think if people have never had to worry about their weight, they might not realise what effect certain comments might have....

does that long rambling post make sense????

so yes... YAB a little U, but I can sympathise!

at 'you can look like a bloke in a wig but if you're slim you win'

But I honestly don't see people that way. I admire people for their style, dress sense, hair, etc. I often see very slim people who I think look awful because their hair is terrible, or skin rough, or wear nasty clothes. The person at work whose looks I most admire is a tiny bit on the plump side. She has the most stylish wardrobe and jewellery, her hair is glossy and her skin creamy and lovely. So it always suprises me how much value the rest of the world places on being a size 10.

Here's another thing my sister said that peed me off: 6 days after giving birth to my DD my sis was helping me get ready to go to a wedding. She said "why is your tummy still so big?" I suppose that's just lack of experience in the giving birth department (though at age of 44 you'd think she would know something!) But even if it sprang from ignorance, wasn't that really insensitive?

Anyway, I know I am being over-sensitive really but I needed to rant so thanks for reading. Mince pie, anyone?

Good Lord, 6 days after giving birth I could still barely walk!

I was surprised by how long the baby tummy stayed after birth, so maybe your sister really is ignorant on the subject?

As for the other comments, what size were you before you had the baby? Maybe she's assuming you're trying to slim back down to pre-baby size and that's what prompted the comment.

OP you have done really well. I still have a lot of baby weight to lose (and smear to book - thanks for the reminder!)

BarbieLovesKen - would love to hear how you lost all that weight. That's fantastic.

Plumm i was a size 16 when I got pregnant so I am back to pre baby weight. She does know I would like to lose more though.

Fanjolina I wish my sis had said those simple words 'you have done really well' so truly heartfelt thanks for that. I also second your request for info from barbielovesken - how did you lose your weight?