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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to find this a little odd.

16 replies

happyharry · 23/12/2009 21:28

We have been invited to my SIL for Xmas. We were asked indirectly via MIL for some money to help pay for food etc. Seemed quite reasonable as there are 4 of us so gave about £25.oo. (Even though we have never asked when we hosted.) This evening I was told by DP that we needed to bring drink for ourselves and children. Again fine as I would always bring drink. However, we have also been told that if I want pudding on Xmas Day I must bring my own. I don't eat xmas pudding. Does this sound reasonable? What do others do when visiting relatives?

OP posts:

SimpleAsABC · 23/12/2009 21:31

There was a thread on this and it was about a mnetter who was thinking on asking for money per adult.

I tried to find it and can't but maybe me mentioning it will mean that someone else will find it for you.

What exactly is your 25 paying for then??

Trebuchet · 23/12/2009 21:33

Ah the season of goodwill... What a bloody misery guts she sounds. If I were you I would just go along with it as its a bit late to change plans, and just know for another time to not go there for christmas but I'd find a way of at least making a joke about it. Cannot your dh say anything? Might be better coming from him if she his sis?

abbierhodes · 23/12/2009 21:35

I'm a firm believer that if you can't afford to have people round, you don't invite them. We're going to my parents' and will be taking a bottle of wine and some cakes for dessert, but only because I offered.

I think it's polite to bring wine, but I'd never dream of asking for money.

Original poster

happyharry · 23/12/2009 21:37

The main course and poss breakfast on Boxing Day as we are staying overnight.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 23/12/2009 21:38

so, you've given them £25, your taking all your own drink, and you need to take your own pudding???

what exactly have they spent the £25 on????

very bizarre! i'd just turn up, and if they mention it just say very loudly, "oh, i thought that's why we gave you the £25"

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 23/12/2009 21:42

Hmm... so she's charging you for her to cook when she'd already offered? Season of good will my arse.

Original poster

happyharry · 23/12/2009 21:46

I am glad its not just me who thinks its odd.

OP posts:

ineedalifelaundry · 23/12/2009 21:46

Very rude of them. They shouldn't have invited you if they weren't prepared to feed you. Pudding and all.

LynetteScavo · 23/12/2009 21:49

She sounds rather tight, but I'd go along with it just to keep the peace.

I can understand her asking you to bring drinks and pudding, but the £25 is taking the

LynetteScavo · 23/12/2009 21:49

Actually, I think she shoudl ahve jsut asked you what pudding you'd like.

Jajas · 23/12/2009 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minxie1977 · 23/12/2009 21:55

Personally I wouldn't mind my family asking for help with the cost of xmas, especially if they were hard up. I know some object on principle, but I think it depends on how close you are, previous form and famly set up. Having said that I think it's the way you're asked. Giving them money towards dinner, then asking you to bring all your own drinks and pud is just plain cheeky!!

Original poster

happyharry · 23/12/2009 22:02

I must admit pudding was the last straw. I didn't mind money or drink. However, having contributed money I thought that my tastes would be taken into account. Think Dp party to blame as I think he may have offered to bring pudding. Of course I won't say anything to them but maybe I should bring it up with DP.

OP posts:

Brunettelady · 23/12/2009 22:06

I think it is weird that you would be invited to dinner and then expected to pay towards it. I would never dream of asking someone around then asking them to pay. Its ok to take drink, I suppose possibly a pudding, but even then I think if you have been invited, it is not your duty to provide food.

pigletmania · 23/12/2009 22:06

YANBU how rude!!!! £25 per head is a lot of money and to ask to bring pudding aswell . I would tell them to go fish and celebrate Christmas myself at my house. What a cheek.

shelleylou · 23/12/2009 22:15

I think its gone OTT with what your required to pay/take with you.
I'm not exactly flush but have invited future FIL and a friend of my DB's to come for christmas lunch. Dont expect them to bring something and certainly wouldnt ask for payment, especially as I'm cooking anyway peeling a few more veg is nothing.

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