I know this topic is controversial. I know some people may feel very angry but I would still love some opinions now.
When I was rising 19 I found I was pregnant (contraceptive failure). I was absolutely sure that the right thing to do was to have the baby. My mum's dad had just left me a substantial amount of money, so I was hoping I could manage. When I found out, my parents and my boyfriend were away, so I was on my own. I looked at childcare arrangements at the uni where I had a place and thought I could cope.
When my parents came home they were shocked (understandably). They and my boyfriend's parents got together and insisted that I should have an abortion. My GP told me that 'nice' girls like me who had been accepted to university didn't have babies and agreed with my parents that I should have an abortion. I asked about adoption; he told me if was a very bad idea. My mum decided an abortion had to be done asap and booked me in to a private clinic. I had no counseling before or after.
I know it's my fault (I was, wrongly, terrified because I knew I'd had several drinks while the end of my A Level exams, and I assumed this was why the doctors were so keen to recommend I terminate). I know it's stupid, but this was over 6 years ago, and I'm still struggling with it. I had a very bad year when the milk came through, and then a time when I got very depressed, but now I have every reason to be fine. I'm about to marry a lovely man and I feel so happy most of the time. But I have spent such a lot of the last few years really wanting a baby and feeling terrible for what I did, and I don't seem to be getting past it.
I just wondered if anyone had any thoughts or advice? I still don't really have a sense of whether or not my parents'/doctor's attitudes were reasonable, or not, and it worries me. I feel as if I can't talk about how sad I felt with my parents, since my mum was very clear that she was the person who really suffered having to cope with me embarrassing her. I wish I'd had counseling but don't know if that was even meant to be available if you go private. Anyway - rambling too long!