AIBU to cancel Christmas?

[rockinghertosleep]

I have had enough. TBH I don't think I'm BU, but DH certainly does. I'm 9 weeks pregnant with DC2 and absolutely knackered and having a rough time with round-the-clock morning sickness. DD1 is a love but she's approaching her upcoming 2nd birthday having already been in the throes of the "terrible twos" for months now. I work 4 long days each week at a fairly stressful job which is currently smack in the middle of the annual extremely busy year-end. I was supposed to be off on holidays already, but have just found myself agreeing to work tomorrow on Christmas Eve. On top of all that, I have a long-term medical condition which makes me extremely tired and is exacerbated by stress.

My family is 3,000 miles away. DH and I moved here after we married 2 years ago in order to raise our children near his family. However, it honestly feels as if they have little to no interest in us, but most hurtfully, in our DD. To be fair, they live in the countryside about a 2 hour drive from us, however we only see them maybe once every few months and mostly at our own instigation - ie. we hire a car and go visit them. The few times they've driven down under the pretense of visiting us, they spend a few hours with DD buried amid a flurry of going out to see their old friends/visit museums/etc. DH's family is prone to drama and overdramatizing trivial things and then holding grudges forever. My own place in the family is invisible - to the point where it's laughable - I mean comedy t.v. writers would have a hard time conveying the full extent of it. Anyway, I offered to host Christmas this year for DH's parents and brother.

SO why cancel christmas 2 days before? A week ago I was in tears explaining to DH that I'm at the edge - I'm beyond exhausted and I really need some help and support. I asked him to phone his family and explain that I'm struggling with this pregnancy and would really appreciate their help with the meal, etc on Christmas. To put this in context - a month ago I hosted a big family dinner for his parents, brother, sister & BIL. I'd spent 2 days cooking. Everyone showed up at the last minute just before the food was ready to be served, with the exception of SIL who arrived just after the entrees were put away, and then half the party disappeared when the last dessert spoon was put down. So after conversation with DH, he's not mentioned anything to his family. He spoke to his mum again this morning and they're coming to town on Christmas Eve, spending the night with his Brother & SIL, then planning to arrive at ours between 10 - 12, although initially we had offered for them to stay with us. I'd also offered to make a Christmas Eve dinner for DB & SIL, but was told they'd rather spend it alone. Right now, I 'm just tired and stressed and thinking the whole thing is just more trouble than it's worth - and for what? I would rather just tell everyone to fuck off, spend the day with DD, and make her favourite macaroni & cheese.

So. AIBU?

I'm not sure you can cancel at this notice but you're not being unreasonable to feel the way you do.

Early pregnancy is tough enough, and yours sounds especially tough, what with the morning sickness and the stroppy toddler. Offering to do Christmas dinner was generous of you in the circumstances. Did you know you were pregnant when you made the offer?

There are, obviously, background issues which are making you resent these people before you even start but I think the main issue is that you're overstretched with no support.

Is it essential that you work tomorrow? You sound very much as though you need that day off just to de-stress?

If you do have to work, what are the odds of you getting a few hours to yourself in the evening? Is there anything your husband could take you daughter to at the cinema, say, which would give you a bit of time and wear her out? What about a late night 'santa-spotting' trip in the car (weather-permitting!) or something.

As for your husband, I'd be pretty pissed off at him for not having spoken to his family already. Will he be pulling his weight Christmas Day, or will he expect to be sat in the living room whilst you slave in the kitchen. He's obviously not understanding just how raw you feel at the mo, but would he pitch in if asked? It's his family, after all, and he can peel veg and what have you as easily as anyone else, and he should be.

In fact, failing anything else, put him on prep duty tommorow night - peel spuds, carrots etc and put them in slightly salty water in the fridge. They'll be fine till Christmas Day before they go in the oven.

I'd also keep Christmas dinner to a minimum. You don't need to do sixteen veg and three desserts. So don't.

And make DH resonsible for the clear up.

As for your guests - let them turn up just before dinner and sod off straight after. Doesn't sound like you want them there anyway!

Your DH should cook Christmas dinner.

SOunds hard work.

Agree you need to have serious word with DH and down size Xmas. Chuck everything in the oven and ignore all the little trimmings.

Have t admit.... our family are snowed in and its just 3 of us tomorrow.... after feeling abit sad for two seconds I breathed a sigh of relief....

Any chance of your extended family being snowed in

either dh cooks it, or i'd serve up macaroni and cheese to everyone. Followed by a choice of Mini milks or Angel delight for afters

It is far too much fo ryou to cope with.

We have a big family Christmas but everyone does part of the meal. We are hosts this year so only have to do the veg - everything else will be done by the others. It makes for a really nice day. Not too stressful or exhausting at all.

I'm 15 weeks and I know just how you feel, my b1tch of a MIL basically cannot be arsed to stay overnight with all the noise of my other children so wants DH to drive over an hour to pick her up after breakfast, then take her back when she's had enough of us, probably after dinner.

I am so tempted to send him over with her presents and a plate of dinner to microwave or just to tell her to take a run and jump.

Next year tell DH to book a nice pub dinner, we did that for the first 3 years of DD3's life otherwise nobody would have ate.