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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset and pissed off with in laws?

43 replies

fanjolinaballerina · 23/12/2009 12:54

My beautiful DD2 is 10 weeks old today. MIL, SIL and BIL have sent xmas pressies for DD1 but nothing for baby. I know that I should be happy that they've sent something for DD1 but I'm really hurt for DD2. Of course she doesn't know, but I feel really sad that they haven't even acknowledged that she exists. DH says IABU but I suspect that he would say that anyway because they are his family. So AIBU and precious about her and is this how second children are treated?

OP posts:

ladymarian · 23/12/2009 14:04

YANBU

That's horrible. Your baby is only 10 wks old so obviously won't know its xmas but they should still have bought her something if they bought your other child a pressie.

kinnies · 23/12/2009 14:46

YANBU

I think people who dont buy gifts because the child is too young to know the difference are mean and selfish. I dont buy gifts for the gratitude, I buy them because I love the person I'm giving to.

And as my lovley Grand pa told my bridzilla sis " You cant pick and chose when someone is family to you. You take the good with the bad" This was when she un-invited 3yr old DS to her wedding as she "didnt want him stealing her lime light" LOL Good old Gramps

googietheegg · 23/12/2009 14:53

YABU I'm sure they have all sorts of things to be thinking about over Christmas themselves. It doesn't mean they don't acknowledge she exisits!! Your life isn't their life.

jasmeeen · 23/12/2009 14:56

YABU and overreacting over this.

If she doesn't get a present next year, then that is different.

I am sure they just thought it was pointless to get a 10 week old something and it is nothing to do with her being a second child. Please don't have a confrontation with the ILs over this - it really is not worth it.

But you are excused BU as you are have a new baby and those hormones play havoc with rationality.

itwascertainlyasurprise · 23/12/2009 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Trifle · 23/12/2009 16:02

Eh, buying a christmas present for a baby not even born yet? Seriously ?!!! Weird.

itwascertainlyasurprise · 23/12/2009 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jellybeans · 23/12/2009 16:16

Wouldn't bother me if it was for a little baby but could be nice if they just got a bib or something.

andlipsticktoo · 23/12/2009 17:51

ah yes, doing things in a different way from other people, that's seriously weird... We must all agree with Trifle

SimpleAsABC · 23/12/2009 18:00

Sorry but I'm in the YANBU camp.

I'm sure something practical would have sufficed, as others have said.

NO need for tat, NO need for anything ridiculously expensive. Of course baby won't know but mum obviously does and it seems a pretty inconsiderate thing to do!

paisleyleaf · 23/12/2009 18:01

I think you have to go along with your DH on it.....if he's saying yabu then I guess he's the one who can see where they are coming from and is confident that they don't mean anything bad in it.

lovechoc · 23/12/2009 18:14

I don't agree with a PP about bringing up the issue with your ILs - you will look really silly. It's not a big deal. As many have said, your baby is tiny what can she really play with? Maybe next Christmas she will get a larger Christmas present as she'll be older?

Try not to worry about it and don't waste your tears on such matters.

moondog · 23/12/2009 18:18

Oh FFS.
What could she possibly need or enjoy?
Get a gripo.

lovechoc · 23/12/2009 18:20

paisleyleaf I agree with you. Chances are OP's DH is going to know his own side of the family better so he'll know if it's been done out of nastiness or just basically because the baby is too tiny they didn't think there was any point. Chances are it will be the latter.

BellsaRinging · 23/12/2009 18:22

YABU. She won't know, and they've just taken the practical approach. Also, no doubt she was sent loads of presents 10 weeks ago for her birthday-what else does she need? And if they'd left dd1 out she WOULD have noticed and, potentially, been upset.

snowedinwithJjandtheBean · 23/12/2009 18:55

YANBU

i would be really really hurt too, i was also hurt by the number of cards that just said to snowedin, snowed ins dp, ds and BABY

She was born beginning of november texts and birth announcements were sent the day after she arrived, and her name was common knowledge while she was a bump, that sent a highly hormonal me over the edge!

HappyChristmasFromKimi · 23/12/2009 19:02

YANBU I love buying baby's first Christmas stuff

RorysRacingReindeer · 23/12/2009 19:08

My baby is 12 weeks old and I've told people not to worry about buying things for Christmas a) he has no idea about it and b) we have everything we need for a baby because of his two siblings and c) people gave him gifts when he was born not so long ago.

I've bought a present for when he's older as i did that for the other 2 but I'm not expecting nor do i think it's reasonable to expect others to get things for him. If they do that will be lovely but not necessary.

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