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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to avoid my MIL if she has a cold and I am over a week overdue

38 replies

bambipie · 23/12/2009 10:59

They have (uninvited) come to stay in a cottage near us and seem to think they are going to eat every meal with us. I'm overdue and booked in for induction on MOn 28th, so really keen to avoid lurgies! DD is only 22 months and catches everything + worry of new baby being really ill if catches cold as soon as born.
DH thinks 'as they've come this far we should see them'

I think 'what kind of person would even consider visiting us atm with a cold?'.

OP posts:
MrsBadger · 23/12/2009 11:05

YABU IMO

it is a cold ffs not swine flu or typhoid or dysentry.

I would be thrilled if PIL were able to do this when I was due with dc2.

and if you do get a cold then the antibodies you make will pass straight to the newborn in your milk anyway.

justaboutisfatandtired · 23/12/2009 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Hopefully · 23/12/2009 11:06

I totally understand your reasoning, but YABU. A cold is not the end of the world, they've made the effort to visit, newborns are pretty resilient little things, etc etc etc.

porcamiseria · 23/12/2009 11:06

YABU!!! Its only a bloody cold! sounds like you just want an excude to avoid them

fanjolina · 23/12/2009 11:11

Agree with the others that you are overreacting

edam · 23/12/2009 11:13

I was thinking 'bless you, many first time mothers get a little OTT' but you already have a toddler...

Don't be so daft, if you catch a cold your newborn won't automatically be rushed to special care. Even if you do get a cold, there's no way of knowing if it's from your ILs or from one of 1001 other people you come into contact with. Unless you are living in a bubble and not going into any shops or leaving the house between now and the 28th?

traceybath · 23/12/2009 11:13

You are over-reacting but overdue so its allowed.

I had ds2 with chicken pox when I had DD this summer and she was ok as I was BF. So imagine your newborn would be fine.

Good luck with the birth! And I become immensely irrational in the late stages of pregnancy . . .

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 23/12/2009 11:13

Oh it's the height of selfishness imo, everytime we get an invite to a certain someone's house we get there and they're full of a cold, coughing and spluttering etc, and within days ds and I are full of it, does matter if I'm pregnant or whatever they never warn us.

So YANBU, however it's christmas and you really can't avoid them. I would just wave a bottle of handrub and a box of tissues at them, and say in a no-nonsense way "We're going to try to avoid catching your cold for the baby's sake, no offence!"

Hope everything goes smoothly for you and your lo!

HowTheGibbonStoleChristmas · 23/12/2009 11:18

YABU it's not like Typhoid Mary is coming to cook Christmas lunch is it

Relax, you may not even catch the cold and if you do it's not like it's SF.

Good luck on the 28th!

jasmeeen · 23/12/2009 11:18

YABU. It's a cold for goodness sake.

But hormones do play havoc with rationality....

ImSoNotTelling · 23/12/2009 11:23

Are they expecting you to cook all their meals? You say they expect to eat every meal with us...

ImSoNotTelling · 23/12/2009 11:24

Not US, i meant YOU.

I'm just too damn sociable

IMoveTheStarsForChristmas · 23/12/2009 11:25

rofl at 'Typhoid Mary'

there's something I never thought I'd say!

peanutbear · 23/12/2009 11:26

now having to cook all their meals and being overdue is very unreasonable but you can catch a cold from anyone

Malificence · 23/12/2009 11:30

For everyone saying "it's just a cold" - well, yes it is but colds make you feel horrendous, the last thing you need when giving birth is a snotty or bunged up nose along with a head that feels like it's going to explode.
With any luck you'll go into labour beforehand and if they've got a shred of decency they won't visit while she's still ill.

Cold are horrible, some people can just shake them off but whenever I get one it turns into sinusitis so I keep away from anyone with a cold - two days feeling rough for them turns into 2 weeks of eye exploding pain for me.

OP, YANBU.

bruffin · 23/12/2009 11:32

I had a cold when DD was born and she caught it from me, she had a snuffly nose from 2 days old but she wasn't really ill so to be honest you are over reacting

Slambang · 23/12/2009 11:32

Oh get over yourself

MadameCastafiore · 23/12/2009 11:33

No not Typhoid Mary or Diptheria Jane or Hepatitus Annie!

Bloody Hell you could get a cold off of the doctor or at the supermarket - you won't die from one!

bruffin · 23/12/2009 11:34

"and if you do get a cold then the antibodies you make will pass straight to the newborn in your milk anyway."

Sorry Mrs Badger you are wrong see my post. DD was breastfed at the time and she still caught whatever I had.

mazzystartled · 23/12/2009 11:37

YABwildlyU on the basis of a cold.

Given your due date and planned induction, I think you would be perfectly reasonable to try to minimise the amount of running about and waiting on them you have to do but to avoid them is unnecessary.

Of course you should see them. Let them take DD off your hands for a bit.

(Tbh its perfectly likely that half of the hospital staff will have colds.)

TubbyDuffs · 23/12/2009 11:44

If they are there to help out, fgs let them help you out. If they are there expecting to be waited on, tell them to do one!

Good luck with the induction.

Original poster
bambipie · 23/12/2009 11:45

Thank you wise mners. I am feeling a bit calmer now. I guess it's the fact that I haven't been sleeping because of awful hip pain + having been snowed in and thinking dh will have to deliver the baby (roads clear now thank goodness) is making the thought of a cold seem like the last straw!

OP posts:
MrDrool · 23/12/2009 11:47

I'm sure the newborn would be fine but still YANBU - giving birth looks to be tough enough without having a cold hanging over you.

jellybeans · 23/12/2009 11:48

YANBU I also hated people with colds close about me when I was pg and my newborn when he arrived. I was very high risk for a late loss/stillbirth after 2 already and had multiple pg problems. Just go with your gut feeling!

ginnybag · 23/12/2009 11:51

I can understand why you'd want to avoid being ill and in labour if you at all can, but it's a bit mean not to see them over Christmas.

Keep the vists short, insist on hand-washing, anti-bac's, clean tissues for every sneeze etc. Drown yourself in Orange juice to boost your immune system and have the Vick's 'first defence' stuff on hand for after every visit.

TBH, though, even if you're exposed now, you likely won't be symptomatic until after you have child, and by that time, your milk will contain antibodies.

Are you planning not to let the IL's see the new born at all? They'll expose the baby then anyway - might be better for you to exposed now, so that you CAN pass the antibodies on.

I, too, have rellies that never warn me when they're ill. And it is damned irritating, especially when there's a good reason why I could live without being ill... (thinking of time FIL exposed me and DH to MIL's virulent both-ends-at-once, upchucking every half hour stomach bug two days before my wedding... and expected us to clean up after her, wash sheets from two days before etc)

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