Very Long (sorry) - To not want to cook for ILs on Boxing Day!

[slummymummy36]

Don't really get on with my IL's but am civil so the children can have a relationship with their GP. This is mutual- although I think they struggle more than I do to be civil. We move house alot due to DH job and live about 2 hours drive from them atm.

Due to MILs stipulation many years ago we are stuck in the awful rut of one year with them and one year not. This year is their "turn".

She wanted us to go to them for Xmas day! I did not want to as I hate going to their house for many reasons one being they lock the doors and I have to ask permission and give reasons WHY I want to go out to the car etc etc. As luck would have it (for me) DH has been put on call this Xmas so we HAVE to stay at home. MIL has struggled to grasp this concept and all hell has broken loose. Her usual tantrums and tears and "this could be our last christmas"!!

Anyway - we still said - come to us for the day! I REFUSE to have them to stay over night EVER again. All that ended when we moved back to England and within driving distance as they treated me like a bloody maid and housekeeper when they stayed!

ANYWAY to cut a very long story short. BIL (who lives in the same town as them) and his GF and their DD have said they will drive my ILS down to us boxing day just for the day and we will all get together etc.

ILs have orderd their Turkey and will now "HAVE to eat it alone Xmas day" as we have "let them down". I have my turkey arranged and BIL has his Xmas day sorted at his GF's parents house. So we are all having Xmas dinner on Xmas day but seperately.

So for boxing day with 6 adults 2 kids and 1 toddler I was planning on cold meats,pickles, chips or Jacket spuds and salad for lunch with mince pies/Xmas Pud etc. And then for tea a simple buffet with Xmas cake, roulade or similar.

Part of this is because whatever I cook she criticises. Xmas 2007 was "red cabbagegate" - I "ruined" a traditional Xmas dinner by putting in a serving dish (as I do all my veg at Xmas) Red cabbage and apple! This was just too controversial for them and because of this I apparently "ruined the whole meal". They then ate next to nothing! I could have retorted she ruined mine because as she was playing with the dish of cranberry sauce she announced "I was only 10 when I started my periods"!! !!

Anyway - as per usual me and DH cleared away the dinner things as the IL's played with the DC. We only did a quick load of dishwasher and returned to the living room say 20 minutes later! FIL had been out to his car and brought in a cinema sized bag of pop corn and they (Fil and Mil) sat there eating it!! I was so angry at how rude this was when I had just cooked a proper full on Xmas dinner. Even the DC refused any popcorn as they had the usual post Xmas Dinner full tummy feeling! Of course when evening came and I put on a light buffet - they did not eat hardly anything as they were full!!

My IL's and food are a nightmare - MIl even told me once when I was cutting carrots for a Sunday roast into batons that "FIL can only eat carrots cut into circles"!! Whatever I do - she finds a problem with! They eat Quiche Lorraine at their house because it reminds them of DH 1st wife (Lorraine) but wont eat it here - because it could offend Lorriane - like she would ever know?? They are just AWKWARD (and nuts) - imo!!!

So anyway - DH thinks its rude of me not to cook a "proper" meal! He has offerd to cook something himself! But I dont want him to! I dont want to put on my usual full Xmas special spread for people this rude. We have more people and family coming to us the day after (27th) and I will do the "big spread" then as I know they will appreciate it and I wont be throwing loads away afterwards.

DH knows my reasons and he says he agrees with me but then keeps suggesting meal ideas and tonite I have lost it with him!! Am not happy - AIBU????

i thought everyone had cold meat ect on boxing day? i would stick to that, if they moan tell them its tradition!

fgs what is the problem? your dh has offered to cook for his parents on boxing day, why can't you just let go of the control and let him. Then they won't be able to criticise you will they?
can't see the problem at all apart from yuor control freakery over not letting dh do some cooking tbh

sorry

YANBU

They sound like a nightmare. Poor you

Boxing Day is for leftovers and buffet food. Don't put yourself out - doesn't sound as though they would appreciate it at all.

Am wondering tho if DH does the cooking whether ILs will use it as another stick with which to beat OP ie DIL has failed to provide meal and their poor DS has had to do all cooking.....

EVERYBODY has cold meats etc etc on Boxing Day.
Your IL's sound like a total nightmare. Rise above it, you are the better person.

aye, let him cook

you are damned if you do but more so i suspect if you don't and presumably they won't be as critical of his cooking?

Well either way sounds fine tbh - traditional Boxing Day fare is lovely but in your shoes I'd certainly let dh cook!

MerryCompo are you taking the piss?

Can You go out and split the bill ?

tulpe - you have it in one!!! If I let DH cook it will be because I am too lazy etc etc!

Although - I suppose perhaps I could give it some more consideration!

Cold meats and Xmas day left overs have always been a tradition here too! So its not like I am making BIG changes.

Also on boxing day - I dont usually feel like a big meal after over indulging on XMas day but perhaps thats just me!

YAB a little bit u.

Surely a bit of cold turkey and jacket potatoes is enough to be a reasonable hostess. If they are going to complain they will complain whatever you do.

Rise above it and show them good manners even if they can't show good manners to you.

bb99 - OMG that is a fab idea!! DOH - now why did I not think of that??

Will suggest it to DH!

i'm sorry but the 'quiche Lorraine' thing made me

they sound crackers, dont put yourself out for them, ungrateful buggers

Harvester are very reasonable around here or some pubs etc may do something?? Something for everyone and a 'special treat' as MIL has had to work so hard 2 years in a row??

Good luck, families can be such a pain fun .

YANBU, they seem like a nightmare, sod them....cold meat is good enough! Stick to your guns and cook the full spread the next day as you've planned.

Well I thought that I had the most ridiculous inlaws ( FIL kept a notebook with details of each Christmas Turkey - mine was 'very dry') but you win. Bad luck.

Your DH wants a proper meal.

Quiche lorraine is a proper meal, non?

LOL LOL at quiche lorraine and turkey notebooks. are ALL humans insane??

sorry i would let your dh cook. and clear up. and i would play up to the role in a serious way - open the door visibly half pissed and lie around all afternoon not lifting a finger and demanding cuppas from dh at inconvenient moments. you will give them a wonderful mood boost as they will be discussing your laziness all the way home and will be very cheerful.

This thread has cheered me up.

Will get many a giggle out of the cranberry sauce periods anecdote, the not offending Lorraine and SeeYou's FIL's turkey notebook.

Back to the OP -

Let DH cook. Tell MIL he insisted as you cooked on Christmas Day. Better still, get him to make an announcement over lunch that his meal is dedicated to you to thank you for the delicious dinners you've cooked throughout the year and how you've fed your family with love

Oh I do like choosy's idea. I like it very much.

Or you could just say that all the best people have cold meats etc on Boxing Day but if they want a hot meal... (and look slightly incredulous at their poor taste)

Or (bear with me, I'm on a roll here) you could just serve the usual fare and then zap theirs in the microwave for them. Hot turkey, hot pickles etc etc. Yum. Not.

yy adingdong's approach sounds much nicer than mine

could also add a massive lengthy squelchy kiss between you both at the table

oh YES to squelchy kiss

and serve quiche lorraine, but get DH to announce it as 'quiche [OP's first name]', saying he renamed it in your honour.

PMSL!! At some suggestions here!

Some are sooo tempting!

Loving the FIL with a notebook on Xmas Turkey Dinners! .

So glad I am not alone with doolally In Laws!! Adds to the variety of life I suppose but yeah - tbh - I struggle to be light hearted about mine all the time!

BB99 - We have a Harvester about 4 miles away! Will call them tomorrow and ask their opening times and menus and then suggest to DH - (he is asleep atm)!

Although I do wonder with my IL's how controversial - Eating Out on Boxing Day will be!

I totally agree with Merrycompo. You're being ridiculously martyred if your DH has already offered to cook. "I don't want to do it but I don't want you to do it - cos I want to make a fuss"