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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unfair that pg, periods, giving birth and long term contraception is up to the woman?

20 replies

LoveMyGirls · 22/12/2009 13:27

I'm fed up, I can't find a contraception that suits and it's actually really annoying me that it's up to me to sort it out. DH refuses the snip due to the pain it would involve, condoms aren't reliable enough as we can't afford another child and neither of want anymore children. I've been though giving birth twice, had coil twice, injections, pills etc and I'm facing another 15-25 years of trying not to get pregnant. I wondered about being sterilsed but they say there is a risk of it making my periods heavier (everything with that warning does make me heavier) so I'm fed up, there is nothing I can do and I think being a woman is unfair at times.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 22/12/2009 13:28

Should have put long term contraception is usually down to the woman because I know some men do have the snip but I know in my case this will never ever happen.

OP posts:
FiveSoloRings · 22/12/2009 13:29

YANBU.
You did forget to add the menopause to our suffering.

Tell D that there'll be no more sex until he has the snip.

FiveSoloRings · 22/12/2009 13:30

DH I have a dodgy h key!

belgo · 22/12/2009 13:30

YANBU.

Abstinence until he gets the snip!

LastOfTheMulledWine · 22/12/2009 13:32

Well, you're certainly not bu being cross that dh won't have the snip. I have sod all sympathy for a man that refuses yet wants no more children. Does he know they use an anaesthetic? Tell him to man up.

But I can't get angry about simple biological matters. Or I try not to. I had the joy of carrying dd, of growing her inside me. I suppose that helps with the periods, the contraception, the birth, the bfing. Actually, hang on, what am I saying...

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2009 13:32

yanbu

my dh needed a leetle bit of persuasion to have the snip

I was unprepared to continue to put my health at risk (the Pill made me ill), he hated condoms, I wasn't putting myself through surgery to be sterilised after years of infertility investigations and treatment blah blah blah ad infinitum

I felt I had done my "bit", it was his turn

no snip, no sex

he had it done, a few days of "discomfort", now our sex life is better than it has ever been

I actually think it is macho bullshit to refuse

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 22/12/2009 13:32

We only just got married and I like sex as much if not more than him so that won't work. I just think its really unfair, we're both only 28 so probably wouldn't be considered for the snip even if he ever agreed to it which he never will, he really can't stand any type of pain not even a papercut or a blood test.

OP posts:
TinselianAstra · 22/12/2009 13:32

Well, it's kind of the definition of woman. You can't exactly share out periods, pregnancy, and giving birth.

diddl · 22/12/2009 13:32

What pain is he thinking of?

ChickensHaveNoTinsel · 22/12/2009 13:33

YANBU. Mother Nature is a bitch, IMO.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2009 13:34

28 will not bar you from a vasectomy if you have completed your family

LMG, your DH sounds like a baby himself

Bonsoir · 22/12/2009 13:34

I have no problem with any of it provided I am worshipped by a man!

LastOfTheMulledWine · 22/12/2009 13:35

Actually, we have asked about a vasectomy (dh is 27, I am 28) and been told no on the nhs. We only have one though and she's only 2. I think they presume we'll change our mind. We won't. And it makes things VERY difficult.

Could you go private? Does he know anybody who'd had it done that could gently take him to one side and tell him to man the hell up.

diddl · 22/12/2009 13:35

Must admit, I´m not big on pain.
But wanted children-what do you do?

If you can´t find something to suit you, then he has got to take responsibility!

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 22/12/2009 13:36

He admits he is a wimp, but he is a lovely DH very attentive etc I'm just having a whinge because I had a coil put in 12 days ago and since then have either had cramps or heavy bleeding (due to af) and I'm fed up of it now and the knowing it will be like this for a long time to come!

OP posts:
Paolosgirl · 22/12/2009 13:41

After 3 kids and 28 years of periods DH did the decent thing and had the snip. Why on earth would he not?

ReindeerInaSkoda · 22/12/2009 13:44

Vasectomy Special Offer at Marie Stopes!

notanumber · 22/12/2009 13:58

Would you swap it though? So that he was the one who carried children and gave birth (painful though it is)?

You take the rough with the smooth, I'm afraid.

Btw - what's the problem with condoms? They are a joint contraceptive responsibility.

susie100 · 22/12/2009 14:00

Yes but you can make them pay in other ways (evil cackle)

InMyLittleHead · 22/12/2009 14:11

YANBU, it is the least he can do to get the snip. But I think you will find it a very hard sell. Men who refuse it seem to fall into two camps:

  1. Scared of the pain
  2. Thinks it makes them 'less of a man', and what if there is a nuclear disaster and they have to repopulate the world? (I have heard both excuses)
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