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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate my MIL

17 replies

thedogsgottago · 22/12/2009 11:55

She has two sons, she has a favourite and it is NOT my DP. She never has a kind word to say about DP, she slags him off to anyone who'll listen...even his own friends...she can't even find anything nice to say about him when he was a baby! Its all "He cried all the time" "He was horrible and scrawny" "he ruined my body" but the other one is boy wonder cant put a foot wrong the sun shines out of his lazy ass etc etc. I dont really need any advice, it just pisses me off and just seems to have got worse since we've had our two boys, maybe because now Im a mum I just dont GET how any woman could favour one over the other in such obvious vicious way....

OP posts:
lolapoppins · 22/12/2009 12:21

No words of wisdon, but I really feel sorry for you DP.

My mum was the same. she favoured my two older half sisters, it was horrible for me as a child. I still can't watch family home videos of when I was little, as when they came to visit the favouritism she showed them so noticable.

I only have one dc, and I think the way my mum treated me as a child (she was a great mum in other ways, she wasn't horrendous) has a part in that.

nannynobnobs · 22/12/2009 12:37

Poor DP My friend has this with her mum, her DS still lives at home (she is 22!) and their mum does everything for her, even going to doctors appointments with her! She has given the sister all the nice pieces of their grans jewellery, even the ones that my friend was promised. She has repeatedly forgotten to pick up my friend's dd from school, so now I collect her one day a week instead. She even ummed and aahed so much over whether my friend could go to Christmas dinner that I invited her here instead.
I don't have any advice to give, except it's usually the child they feel can 'take it' that gets less care. My friend has a degree, is managing to raise her dd alone after a divorce and is holding down a job. Her sister smokes a lot of weed, works in a bar and doesn't really do much.

nannynobnobs · 22/12/2009 12:37

DS= sister, sorry!

diddl · 22/12/2009 12:41

I get why it pisses you off, but I would try not to waste time/energy on it.

Does she favour either of your sons?

ThumbleBells · 22/12/2009 12:45

Your poor DP - how does he feel about his ma? YANBU to be upset on his behalf, nor to be unable to understand how she can do this, but as diddl says, don't waste your energy hating her. Pity her for being so biased - she is missing out on one son (who is probably a great bloke too) by focusing on the other - bet when she's old and infirm, it'll be your DP who picks up the pieces, not his DB. Crap situation though.

Original poster
thedogsgottago · 22/12/2009 12:57

She doesnt favour either of my sons, she doesnt bother with either of them! The eldest is 2 1/2 and she's only had him stay the night once! She favours favourtites sons DCs, they always have them to stay, takes them out etc. ggggrrrrrrr

OP posts:
dinoroar · 22/12/2009 12:58

My personal experience of parents who have favourite children is that they are unhinged.

My father liked me, but not my brother

He also very obviously favours one of my children over my other one and my brother is so about it because history is repeating itself and there is no reason for it!

diddl · 22/12/2009 13:00

Well, it´s her loss.

We have the only grandchildren & Ils have never made that much of them tbh.

My husband is the only child and has never quite "lived up to expectations".

I think it washes over him & bothers me more.

But pointless me stressing over it as she obviously doesn´t!

AngryFromManchester · 22/12/2009 13:01

she doesn't sound very pleasant so you are not being unreasonable, no

Original poster
thedogsgottago · 22/12/2009 13:06

Diddl - it bothers me more than my DP too, I think its because he's had it all his life, I think he almost thought it was normal until he had kids of his own!

OP posts:
diddl · 22/12/2009 13:08

It is very sad though, & they have actually told him that they are disappointed in him!

Original poster
thedogsgottago · 22/12/2009 13:10

Blimey - I hope he told them he was dissapointed in them as parents!

OP posts:
diddl · 22/12/2009 13:12

He´s too nice!

KERALA1 · 22/12/2009 16:22

No wonder you can't stand her.

It can be that the "successful" one is less favoured. DH has always been quietly confident and done very well academically but his parents rather obviously prefer his less able though still fine younger brother who has always been more needy. Its got the point where it never occurs to his parents to offer DH (and by extension me) any help whatsoever, even when dd2 was born prematurely and we had a toddler to look after. Yet the strapping 30 something younger brother is ferried around, helped with moving, job applications, agonised over etc etc.

lovetoshop · 24/12/2009 21:25

I have similar scenario. My DH is one of three but you only ever hear the MIL mention the other two. They do not have children or partners for that matter and its like she begrudges my DH the happiness he has found within our family. She has called me selfish to my face because I dont prioritise the BIL/SIL and I only ever think about my little son!!! Can you believe that? ANd yes, tomorrow I have to suffer her company for atleast 6 hours whilst she takes over the domestic roll and belittles me at every opportunity. Sad thing is I cant even drink because I am pregnant. Not that you would know (nearly 7 months) as she has never once mentioned it since the day we told her! Drives me mad and takes up my valuable energy because I just cant help but let her get to me!!! You are not alone dogsgottago!!

AmericanHag · 24/12/2009 21:30

YANBU. Is your DH ready to cut her out of his life? She certainly ought not to be allowed around your kids.

lizziemun · 24/12/2009 21:55

YANBU.

My MIL is similar to yours. All because DH didn't finish University when her was 18. He was doing a computer course, but what was being taught was out of date so he decided after a year that he would get a job what he wanted to do. MIL few a massive fit and DH left home and has never lived back with them. But 20yrs on she still harps on about it.

Still it's her loss because she doesn't get to see our children that much as he can't be bothered with her.

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