to be peeved with my brother ?

[mmrred]

It's our parents' wedding anniversary in Jan (won't say which one or when just in case, but it's a biggie)and I wanted to give them a treat because they do loads for me.

So, I thought a hotel break would be nice. I rang my brother to ask if he wanted to go halves with me or be involved. He said he'd have to check with his wife. He rang back today saying they couldn't afford to.

Now fine, it's Christmas, but they are seriously loaded - and saying, look we're a bit strapped but I'll chip in £20 wouldn't have killed him, surely? I know my folks do more for me because I live nearer - but they still trek over to my brother's once a fortnight to babysit, do all the ironing etc. It's not the money, it's just the lack of appreciation.

Am I being difficult?

are you his accountant?

i think you know where i am going with this?

sounds like your SIL has vetoed it!

I think you are right to be miffed.

can you afford to do it anyway and make him look a real miser and make sure they know it's from you alone?

perhaps they aren't seriously loaded perhaps they have debt up to and beyond their eyeballs?

Perhaps they are jealous of your closer relationship with your parents, perhaps your dc are the favourites?

Not sure really. It is a lovely idea and I am sure they will love it, but does your brother have as much money as you think?

It does sound like they do a lot for him too, going over to do the ironing? He should show his appreciation maybe but that is up to him though.

I can see why you are annoyed but maybe he feels that he doesn't want to do anything that big for their anniversary, or maybe they genuinely can't afford it.

Am with Custy on this one. No one knows how wealthy/ poor/ in debt anyone is nowadays.

He has said no, so do what you can afford to do and leave it at that.

Maybe it´s not what he had in mind as a present.
Ask him what he would like to do.

It was your idea, not his. You can't expect him to jump around with enthusiasm and instantly agree to chip in. Sorry, but I think YABU.

This is the sort of thing my sister would suggest & although a lovely idea I couldn´t afford it-yet she is sure we are better off than them & if I said no would think I was being mean.

YABU

He is under no obligation to contribute to the present you want to give your parents. You offered him the choice, he turned you down, end of story.

It is really quite unfair of you to start deciding what he should be getting for your parents on the basis of what they do for him. His relationship with them is none of your business.

How do you know he doesn't appreciate them?

Sounds like you don't appreciate that other people's money isn't yours to spend.

He isn't getting them a present. Like he didn't last year, or the year before. And I do know they are seriously loaded - they just don't like spending on anyone but themselves. And again, that's fine, his money. But I was asking if he'd like to be involved in some way (not just financially)because I know that would make my folks happy.

I think you should not try to organise him. Just concentrate on yourself and what you will do. My SIL does this and I hate it. I hate the feeling of being organised and railroaded. That's because I would rather give a present some personal thought rather than simply bank-roll someone else's idea. Your bro and SIL clearly hate it as well so you have to accept that graciously. Even if their refusal is not because they want to buy personally but because they don't want to buy at all! Still don't think it's anything to be miffed about. Your bro's gift or lack of is a matter for him alone.

Perhaps your mother is a bitch to your SIL?

Perhaps there are threads about her already on MN?

YABU. My brother suggested a similar thing last year for my parents Christmas present. I agreed as I thought it was a great idea and they had done lots for us over the year.

This year he has suggested similar as we just can't afford it and I have always set a budget for presents. Perhaps your sil thinks that if they go halves and spend that much on your parents, they have to do the same for hers and it could escalate.

I would never thnk of saying I'll just chip in £20 as that would be so demeaning.

Wedding Anniversaries are just not important to some people. I did buy my parnets a little something on their silver anniversary, more as a token really but would not as a general rule and I would always make sure it tied into the anniversary "theme"