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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

over this comment?

27 replies

worldgonemad72 · 21/12/2009 08:00

Hi all

Had a crappy weekend, went out friday night, got totally hammered (cant remember most of the night).
Got up saturday morning feeling like shit, finally started to feel normal about 12ish. my dh says to me....i see you've started to sober up, the one thats no fun in bed is back!
As you can imagine that didn't go down well, he said he was joking afterwards and that ive got no sense of humour.
Well im still pissed off with him, he hasn't apologised.
I dont want this to ruin christmas but i dont see why i should be the one to break the ice so to speak.
We currently arn't speaking and i know from experience that he's probably waiting for me to say something.
Do you think aibu over this?

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 21/12/2009 08:03

Maybe you should try a different partner or two over the festive season and report the findings back to him?
Like a controlled science experiment, change only one variable.

BouncingTurtle · 21/12/2009 08:05

No, YANBU, I would be really hurt if DH said that to me!

I like Goblinchild's suggestion...

motherbeyond · 21/12/2009 08:05

god,men are such wankers sometimes.i think you're only option is to talk it over.he may have just meant "you were a right dirty mare when you were bladdered..and i liked it!"
and thats his way of saying can we do it llike that again when you're sober!
really tactless though

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 21/12/2009 08:07

YANBU

Do you know where this comment has come from? Did you jump his bones when you got in when a little tipsy?

Original poster

worldgonemad72 · 21/12/2009 08:11

ha ha thats a good idea about the science experiment, i am really hurt by it, i will talk to him tonight but he can be such a stubborn arse and wont ever back down. hmm might not have sex with him for a month, then he wont care if im 'fun' or not lol

OP posts:

HugeBaublesWhatDidISayRoy · 21/12/2009 08:12

YANBU

Original poster

worldgonemad72 · 21/12/2009 08:16

i honestly cant remember, the last thing i remember is throwing up in our garden then waking up in bed. I dont think we had sex but im not sure

OP posts:

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 21/12/2009 08:25

It does to me like something happened that doesn't normally

pippaNnippa · 21/12/2009 08:26

yanbu but I think you should talk it over- maybe it was an attempt at humour or maybe he feels there's something to address. Either way a ban on sex will probably not benefit anyone

Avendesora · 21/12/2009 09:20

Think about it again when your not hung over, that can cloud your judgement.

Avendesora · 21/12/2009 09:21

Sorry, just spotted the date of your post, are you feeling better now?

FabIsGettingReadyForXmas · 21/12/2009 09:25

I think you did something sexually you wouldn't normally do and he liked it and now thinks he won't get it again and is expressing that in a prattish way. Don't be childish about it and with hold sex - just talk to him.

clam · 21/12/2009 09:29

Don't withold sex?! He makes a comment like that, and some of you think she should be up for it?

Over my dead body would he get a shag until he'd debased himself with abject crawling apology, and explained what he meant by it.

we3kingbeat23oforientare · 21/12/2009 09:35

YANBU - If my DP had ssaid something like that I would be more than just angry, I would be livid and I would probably be like you and not be able to bring myself to talk to him. But, this is not the way to go. You do need to talk to him and find out what he meant, the sooner the better. If that means biting the bullet and making the first move, then so be it.

It does sound like something a little adventurous has happened, but sounds like he was making making a man joke that wasn't funny.

estar · 21/12/2009 09:40

So you went out and did a stupid thing.

Then next morning he said a stupid thing.

And now you're 'not talking to each other'. Is this a real relationship or are you both teenagers?

YABU

jasmeeen · 21/12/2009 09:40

I think FabIsGettingReadyForXmas is right.

Being drunk might have made you a bit experimental and he clearly enjoyed it. Talk to him and find out what it was.

Witholding sex isn't going to solve the problem.

estar · 21/12/2009 09:40

So you went out and did a stupid thing.

Then next morning he said a stupid thing.

And now you're 'not talking to each other'. Is this a real relationship or are you both teenagers?

YABU

clam · 21/12/2009 09:58

"the one that's no fun in bed?"

More than a stupid comment, I would say.

RainRainGoAway · 21/12/2009 10:05

It was a silly comment,but probably a bit fair.

When sober, I am a bit 'get on with it' about sex.
Give me a few glasses of Prosecco and I revert back to shagging like a we did when we first met.
I wouldn't take it too much to heart.

ChickensHaveNoTinsel · 21/12/2009 10:06

It depends how he said it, I suppose? Was he clearly joking? Grinning? Do you have a teasing type of relationship? Or did he say it with an 'edge'? Is he letting you know in a very unsubtle way that he's unhappy with your sex life? I'd wait 'til I felt human, and then have a proper chat about it, including 'You really upset me'.

Olifin · 21/12/2009 10:44

YANBU to be hurt but YABU to be not talking to each other!

I'd have been a bit peeved but not livid, and I would have asked him what he meant by it. I tend to be very depressed and emotional when hungover; maybe you are too and it'll be easier to talk about when you've both calmed down a bit?

Like other posters, my first though on reading the OP was that you'd given him a marvellous bit of action in the sack that night and he wants more of it!

My OH loves it when I have a couple of drinks as I get all uninhibited and do lap dances and stuff ;D (in private, for OH, I mean, not in a pub or restaurant, like) I'm not nearly as confident or alluring when sober, sadly.

Original poster

worldgonemad72 · 21/12/2009 11:02

Thanks everyone, yes i know it sounds a bit childish but we arnt teenagers, we're married with children and i thought we had a good sex life. Ive texted him as he is at work today and asked him what he meant by it, he is insisting it was a joke. I guess being hung over i had lost my sense of humour but i still dont see how it was funny. Im not going to let this ruin crimbo for us so i will just taake it as some of you have said, that maybe i got carried away with him when i got home and he liked it....my mind is a blank about what we got up to though

OP posts:

thesecondcoming · 21/12/2009 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 21/12/2009 11:08

OP, if you can´t remember anything, would you have been capable of some particular "sex act" that he might have enjoyed?

TheMightyToosh · 21/12/2009 11:10

If you thought you had a good sex life, then YANBU to want to know what he meant by that comment. It isn't a typical joke that doesn't mean anything, it is quite a specific thing to say which suggests it has an underlying meaning somewhere.

It could either be that you were a bit wild when you were drunk and he is just making a comparison, but didn't really mean for it to suggest that 'normal' activities are a disappointment, IYSWIM.

Or he could really mean it underneath, in which case you need to have a frank talk about whether there is a mismatch in what you both get out of your sex life, I suppose. It doesn't have to he an arguement, but perhaps you could be the bigger person and invite him to tell you honestly and fairly if he is not as happy with things as you thought he was.

After that, if he still insists it was a joke, and tells you he is happy with things as they are, I would take it as a joke and move on.

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