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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

annoyed at bil who is coming to stay for xmas

15 replies

SlartyBartFast · 20/12/2009 21:12

he sent us a cheque 10 days ago, no letter, no nothign.
dh has been ringing him to no avail.

i asked, does he expect us to buy presents for dc's with that from him or something? or is it for food? in fact DH and i nearly came to blows about this

eventually he rung today, to say, yes the money is for you to buy presents for the kids, and yourselves, and my mum...
BUt REALLY. Why didnt he write explaining that with the cheque!!

aargh.
now what do i get?

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 20/12/2009 22:01

I would buy an expensive family present that you would all use. What are those games where you simulate stuff

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 20/12/2009 22:15

good idea, we are getting a wii, and i had a brian wave tonight about a guitar wii.

otherwise what simulation do you mean?

OP posts:
Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 20/12/2009 22:20

but i am rather annoyed stiil that i have only just found out today!

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 20/12/2009 22:25

It is annoying but you could get your mil playing guitar hero so maybe worth it!

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 21/12/2009 08:00

...

OP posts:
PfftTheMagicDragon · 21/12/2009 08:07

I wouldn't get anything TBH. What appalling behaviour!

Let him feel awkward when the presents are opened and lets see what his mother says.

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 21/12/2009 08:33

thanks pfft.
it is crappy isnt it.

it is actually my mum, i didnt make that clear.
if it was his mum that certainly would be dreadful, but now, it is tempting not to buy but now we know, we have to really.

OP posts:
Avendesora · 21/12/2009 09:18

Buy everyone vouchers

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 21/12/2009 09:19

book tokens even, yes

OP posts:
clam · 21/12/2009 09:25

My brother did this a few weeks back. Although there was a note with it saying "split this cheque between the DCs." I was mildly p*** off, as it showed no thought whatsoever, and turned the "problem" of thinking what to get, sourcing it, buying it, wrapping it and writing the sodding tag all over to me. Like I don't have enough to do.
He did the same to my sister, although softened it by making her cheque out for £10 more!! Same number of kids. Hey ho.

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 21/12/2009 09:31

£10 more your your sister

hey ho indeed

OP posts:
PfftTheMagicDragon · 22/12/2009 07:55

Slarty, it is shit and there's this thing on MN sometimes that you should just be grateful for anything that comes your way but that just gives people leeway to behave in this way.

Cheques are fine, imo if it is a relative who lives a distance away, or someone who you don't see that often so they don't know what to buy, or even just if it's been arranged in advance so you know what to expect. Otherwise you should buy a gift and get your arse together enough to send it or bring it. If you don't want to bother, then don't, give nothing and just be fucking honest!

MIL always sends all the presents here direct, so she buys them online and gets them delivered to me. Which is fine, I mean, she buys something, and she asks what to get. But it means that every year, for all birthdays and christmas, I have to decide what she will get for everyone and then await delivery of things of which I have no idea when they are arriving (last minute usually) and then wrap them all and get rid of the packaging. And then send thank you notes for all her effort

If it's your mother you can't really get away with not buying anything, you need to say something though, otherwise he just thinks it's alright.

ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 22/12/2009 08:31

YABU

He has sent the cheque because he has no imagination. He has saved you the horror of falsed smiles when you open such inappropriate presnts as a pair of electronic feet warmers, some obscure books for the kids, desktop "stig" racing cars for DH, frilly knickers for your mother!!!

See, no matter how bad things seem - it can often be so much worse

My MIL bless her, always gets it wrong - clothes for DD that get worn only whenever she is about (character clothes that DD doesn't even like (dora and suchlike)), clothes for me and DP that we are totally about and small items of furtniture for our house that we get peeved about because they are not to our taste - of course we would never DREAM of saying anything as it is the thought that counts, and she clearly puts a great deal of thought and effort into it - but invariably it is a waste of her money really, but how can you say anything? Every year i say to DP, tell MIL what to get DD - but he doesn't like to - frustrating

Original poster
SlartyBartFast · 22/12/2009 08:34

good point.
i spose if i had known what the bloody cheque was for in the first place, i would have minded less, but the fact that there was no explanation, and i assumed it was for food how stupid of me

OP posts:
ijustwanttoaskaquestion · 22/12/2009 08:50

oh yes. you deffo NBU for him not actually telling you what the cheque for!!

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