to have been apopleptic with rage at my DH, and as an afterthought my son too

[VicarInaTinselTuTu]

i just need space to have a rant...

DS, 18yrs old has aspergers. he never sees consequences and he simply doesnt know how to think ahead. this is not his fault, but its a right royal pain in the arse.

i have been in bed all weekend with a horrible bug. DS got up this morning and said he was going to visit his friend in a neighbouring town, a bus ride away.

His mobile phone is in for repair, so he didnt have a mobile with him. he said he was getting a bus home at 4.20 and would be home for dinner.

at 4pm the phone rang and woke me up from my sick bed. He had told DH that the buses had been cancelled due to bad weather and would he go and pick him up. and DH response?

HE PUT THE PHONE DOWN ON HIM. yes i know he doesnt think ahead, and DH had made a meal for him but ffs!!

I couldnt get back in touch with DS, what this meant in effect was that while DH goes off to bed without a care in the world (saying its time he learnt!!) its ME sat up worrying myself stupid, not able to get in touch with DS, not knowing where he is or if he is ok, and knowing that at some point this evening he was going to phone back and ask for a lift in freezing dangerous conditions, and it would be me who would have to turn out, in those crappy conditions, feeling very ill, to go and get him.

DH argument that DS never thinks of anyone else falls flat on its arse as DH just did exactly the same to me....he didnt think for one minute that it would be ME that faced the consequences of DHs actions in putting down the phone...i ended up lobbing my mobile phone at him. which he lobbed back.

now im not sure who to be most annoyed with. id like to leave home and leave them to it...DD is my little oasis of calm in this situation, soothingly telling me that he will be ok, that he will have gone to his friends and that he will phone me and wont have given a second thought to the chaos he has left in his wake...

so is it me being unreasonable? or should i have aimed that phone more carefully to hit him right in the fucking mouth....

ive wondered if DH has it before actually. he can be incredibly unfeeling and insensitive, anti social and apparently devoid of emotion, so perhaps he does.

in a completely different vein - would 1471 have worked to get the number to call back? Or a call to the operator - would they have been able to track the call for you?

I know it's not needed now, but might be worth remembering for next time (fingers crossed there won't be one though)...

He's getting better at managing things, your boy, isn't he?
He dealt with things going pear-shaped without a meltdown or dithering, looking good for the future I think!
And for what it's worth, neither of my two would ever consider asking their dad for help. If he answers the phone, they always say 'Is mum there?' because they know that everything is such a big deal for him and he can't cope with change or unexpected stuff.

YANBU, your DH was wrong! And i would have been p**off if too.

dopey i'd tried that already but the number was withheld. ive got it now though and ill be making a list of all his friends numbers when he gets back here.

hi goblin. yep he is getting better, he is very independent but his father forgets he isnt your typical 18 - i think if id not been ill he would have asked for me, thing is his dad normally always goes out for him, it might be with a grumble but he normally does it so not sure what brought this on really. i think he thought it was 'teaching him a lesson' about just dropping things on people perhaps, and DS does get his mind set on doing something then wont consider what might go wrong, (i suppose it was fairly obvious that due to the weather the buses might not run) but i dont think DH realised we couldnt phone him back. DD had been trying for a while before she got me up.

it just all went wrong, with me left to deal with it as per usual.

anyway - in future ill make sure he has a phone, and that ive a list of numbers, addresses and a contingency plan.

at least i know he isnt shivering in a bus shelter somewhere.

I think the fact that he recognised from your voice that you were upset is really sweet.

Glad he's OK.

Vic - totally not BU, but why not use the 1471 button if this (hopefully never) happens again, that way, if your DH ever tries to "teach him a lesson" again, then you, at least, might be able to contact him.

Glad that DS is doing well and is safe.

471 doesn't work if the number is withheld. Next time vic, give him the mobile you kept to throw at OH and hit OH with something else.

Glad it's all sorted now but I think a chat with your husband is in order. What I found most awful was the fact that he went to bed! not knowing if his child would be safe, how he would get home, if he would get home, not caring about the bitterly cold temperature... I find that to be something that he really needs to be confronted with. That's his child ffs.

My 20 year old neice got caught in the terrible snow the other day. She had stupidly gone to work in open toed shoes. (fashion before common sense, eh? ) Come time to leave and the person giving her a lift couldn't get close to where she lived so dropped her on the other side of town. She phoned her dad (my husband's brother) who walked all the way to her, gave her his coat when he realised just how frozen she was and carried her home because she was so cold her feet and legs had gone numb. He was worried she had hypothermia!

Now, she should have been dressed for the weather, she should have realised that there was a chance getting home might be a problem and planned accordingly. But she didn't. And so what? She needed help and her dad was there.

Do you see what I'm saying?

just seen the post about the withheld number - opps, sorry !

well ive not seen DH since last night - the reason he went to bed was he works nights but even so, it looks like he just didnt give a damn.
DS came back this morning safe and well and in need of a shower and change of clothes.

ive said to him in future i need to know exactly where it is he is going and the phone number.

he subsequently found out that the buses stopped running because one of them crashed, so there was just no way to forsee that one. im still really pissed off with DH and DS came home apologising profusely which upset me more when none of it was in reality his fault at all.