to lock DH out of the house tonight? and delete the episode of Misfits he hasn't watched yet?

[Thandeka]

I probably AIBU but am furious with DH at mo.

I am 33 weeks pregnant with our first child. For some reason pregnancy hormones are making me sob - a lot. I started mat leave yesterday but won't be going back to that work (long story) so feeling all sad and weird about that and as a result knew today was going to be a bad day. This morning DH promises to take me out for breakfast to cheer me up. Then his mates call and they are in London for the day and does DH want to go meet them? This means we can't go for breakfast but okay fine for DH to go out as he was planning on catching up with his mates this weekend anyhow. So off he goes about 11am this morn.

Anyhow as the day goes on my tears and mood gets worse and text DH and want to find out what time he is back so I can have a cuddle. He texts back a nice reassuring text and says 7pm. Jolly good thinks I - aware I am being a bit hormonal and irrational but also really want to see DH as he makes everything okay again.

Anyhow I get a missed call to my mobile and is DH's number but answerphone message is DH's friend telling me they are kidnapping him tonight and hope that's okay. (blatently DH has got them to call as he knows it won't be okay but is trying to shame me into not demanding he comes home because I will be embarrassed to do that to his friends.)

So now I am livid again and very upset with DH. Basically this has been a continuous issue in our relationship for its entire duration- he gets drunk and prioritises his friends and fun over me. Now please don't get me wrong he obviously doesn't need my permission to go out with his friends and most of the time I am more than happy when he does- its just occasionally he goes out for a bit and it grows and grows into a massive bender and I don't matter any more and invariably it happens at a time I really need him. This is also scaring the shite out of me because we are having a baby in 7 weeks and what if he keeps going out and leaving me with the baby? AIBU to want to know where DH is and what time he will return and for him to stick to that? Oh and the original AIBU- shall I lock him out and delete misfits? (but the latter I probably won't as just typing all that out has calmed me down a bit!)

btw, don't lock him out

but don't wait up for him either, with a cats-bum face

and if he rolls in pissed and falls asleep on the sofa, just throw a blanket on him and go sleep in your comfy bed

He knows he will be in spare room- default position for anyone coming in late. I will be asleep within the hour (and then up at 3am with a full bladder, ninja baby kicks and insomnia!) I do love mumsnet for calming me down and the fab support- many thanks to everyone who took time to post.

Sleep tight, Thandeka! Hope the baby lets you get some rest.

I'm going to be up for a while wrapping sodding lovely presents

I reckon do this (cos I know it is VERY effective):

Have a chat, say you missed him and his reassurring presence today as pg is getting you down. Smile, and move onto....

Say to him you know that he will be a wonderful father and that you know that he realises this is his last bit of freedom and that he sees he is going to have to buckle down a bit after the birth. SMILE ADMIRINGLY at his wisdom, and finish by saying "so I really appreciate how much thought you have given to life after the birth and though I was a bit sad not to have you around today to confide in and cuddle, I don't resent you because I can see how brill you are going to be in a few weeks time when our lovely baby is here" smile smile, smile, adoring face.

Try it!

Lots of hugs Thandeka Remember you from a facebook thread I think? I'm 31 weeks, mat leave began today, also left a much-loved job and not sure in what capacity I will be able to return, so much sympathy. My dh still has a couple of single male friends who he goes out with at least once a fortnight. Generally, I'm happy to sit home and watch girly stuff on Sky+ but it hit me the other week that this baby is really happening and what will he do when I HAVE to sit home but he can still go out? He isn't the type to stay home and enjoy watching telly all night very often, too active and outdoorsy. Cue lots of tears and snot on my part...

Anyway, sounds like you need to tell him to at least speak to you directly, not get his mates to do the dirty work. You really don't need them making you feel like some kind of ball and chain ffs!

Glad you've calmed down and are feeling better already. Will be thinking of you at the 3am bladder call...

awww darn it hobgoblin- great idea cept have mailed DH link to this thread to read before we speak (he has an iphone)- so he will know what am up to [Grin].

Am so much calmer now- thank heavens for reaching out to the internet- I would have continued to be a big sobby hysterical mess had I not posted. (but if DH is reading this doesn't mean you shouldn't feel very guilty!)

waves at pyjamebabe congrats on starting mat leave- am sure DH's friends already think I am ball and chain and it really winds me up (also because whenever I go out with them and DH i always have to leave at about 11 as I just don't have the stamina for all night benders(even when not pregnant!) so DH invariably has to come with me. Bah I just cant do student lifestyle anymore!

waves back ps come and join us on the feb 2010 (part III)ante-natal thread. It's a really lovely group... Keeps me occupied anyway!

What time did he roll in? And is he suitably contrite this morning?

Hope you have him rubbing your feet as we speak, just before going to the kitchen to cook you a lovely Sunday roast.

He was back by 11 apparently- I was asleep! So not even like he went on a bender. Another long talk this morning, apologies and assurances he will stick to return times (within reason obv) after baby is born .

But yes he is currently in kitchen cooking me a sunday roast and he took me out for breakfast this morning and we spent the arvo playing on the wii before I went and had a sleep. So feeling much happier now. He isn't such a bad bloke really!

Thanks again mumsnet for helping me out last night!

My DP is also cooking dinner after going on a (prearranged) booze up last night. There are definitely some perks to them having some time off!

Hope you have a lovely Christmas